Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

For a certain segment of the population, these are not mutually exclusive.

We call 'em trash cans regardless of the logistical setup (i.e. wheels or no wheels, metal or plastic).

I call 'em garbage cans.

I call 'em **** cans, bu not in polite company.

Dustbins here.

But most of us have wheelie bins nowadays.

They're not bottle openers--they're church keys.

An American and a German visited Hawaii. While enjoying the hotel, the beach, the girls, the German told the American,

-I love Havaii, I should return again for vacations.

The American corrected him, and told him,

-The name of this island is not Havaii but Hawaii.

-Nope-, said the German, -it is pronounced Havaii.

They didn't reach any agreement, so they decided better asking to a native of the island to check how the name is pronounced.

Walking on the shore, they saw a fisherman very busy catching fish who appeared to be an aborigine of the island.

-Excuse me sir, can you please tell us how the name of this island is pronounced, Hawaii or Havaii.

-Havaii, of course! said the fisherman, and continued pulling his fishing rod.

-See? said the German, I was right...

After walking a few yards, the American was full of doubts, and returned back to the fisherman and asked him.

-Please, excuse me one more time, how long are you living in this island?

-Two veeks-, answered the another.

Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it’s worse when you see them wearing dark glasses, having streamers around their necks and a hat on their antlers. Because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.

On his 70th birthday, a man was given a gift certificate from his wife.
The certificate was for consultation with an Indian medicine man living on a nearby reservation who was rumoured to have a simple cure for erectile dysfunction.

The husband went to the reservation and saw the medicine man.
The old Indian gave him a potion and, with a grip on his shoulder, warned ‘This is a powerful medicine. You take only a teaspoonful, and then say: ‘1-2-3.' When you do, you will become more manly than you have ever been in your life and you can perform for as long as you want."

The man thanked the old Indian, and as he walked away, he turned and asked: “How do I stop the medicine from working?" "Your partner must say ‘1-2-3-4,' he responded, "but when she does, the medicine will not work again until the next full moon."

He was very eager to see if it worked so he went home, showered, shaved, took a spoonful of the medicine, and then invited his wife to join him in the bedroom.
When she came in, he took off his clothes and said: "1-2-3!"
Immediately, he was the manliest of men.

His wife was excited and began throwing off her clothes,
And asked: "What was the 1-2-3 for?"


And that, is why we should never end our sentences with a preposition, because we could end up with a dangling participle

Love it, Phoenix, especially the punch line.

So they issued a travel warning due to snowfall and bad road conditions.

They suggested anyone travelling in the current icy conditions should
ensure they have the following:

Shovel
Blankets or sleeping bag
Extra clothing including hat and gloves
24 hours worth of food
De-Icer
Rock Salt
Flashlight with spare batteries
Road Flares or Reflective Triangles
Full gas Can
First Aid Kit
Booster cables





I looked like a damn idiot on the bus this morning...

***

I think that all the English teachers in the crowd got a particular kick out of it!

What do you call a song sung in an automobile? A cartoon.

I believe you posted this on fb, hinge.

I did indeed, does it really cut it as a bad joke?

http://www.buzzfeed.com/geico/jokes-that-will-definitely-make-you-groan?b=1#.vidoxJmDL

I'm not sure but I couldn't decide where else to put it.

Everything you need to know about Australia but were afraid to ask?