There was a race in my yard this morning.
The garden hose was running but....
The lettuce was ahead because the the tomato couldn't ketchup.
I just wanted to say how truly awful the last few jokes have been . . .
I congratulate you.
I must say.
Vonny brings out the wurst in me.
@panzade,
panzade wrote:
I must say.
Vonny brings out the wurst in me.
You're being very frank about that.
@Lustig Andrei,
You won't hear a sausage from me.
@hingehead,
Punners get boudin jeered a lot these days.
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl going to the bathroom?
Because the 'P' is silent.
@Lustig Andrei,
What do auditioning for an acting role and playing sports have in common?
If you break a leg, you get cast.
I am reminded of some old-fashioned grammar school wit . . .
When you're walking with your honey
And her nose seems kind of runny
Don't think it's funny
Causes it'snot . . .
Two neighbours bump into each for the first time for a long time.
'Where's ya bin?'
'Bin on holidays.'
'No, where's ya wheelie bin?'
'Well I've really bin in jail, but I don't like to admit it.'
@hingehead,
I must be having a bad day. I don't get the joke.
@Lustig Andrei,
it's probably an accent thing Andy - use been for bin.
@hingehead,
Oh, I think I see. I was reading both'bins' as meaning 'been.' But in the first instance the speaker isn't actually asking that.
A guy has a talking dog. He brings it to a talent scout. "This dog can speak English," he claims to the unimpressed agent. "Okay, Sport," the guys says to the dog, "what’s on the top of a house?" "Roof!" the dog replies. "Oh, come on..." the talent agent responds. "All dogs go ‘roof’." "No, wait," the guy says. He asks the dog "what does sandpaper feel like?" "Rough!" the dog answers. The talent agent gives a condescending blank stare. He is losing his patience. "No, hang on," the guy says. "This one will amaze you. " He turns and asks the dog: "Who, in your opinion, was the greatest baseball player of all time?" "Ruth!" goes the dog. And the talent scout, having seen enough, boots them out of his office onto the street. And the dog turns to the guy and says "Maybe I shoulda said DiMaggio?"
@Lustig Andrei,
Do Americans have wheely bins or are you still on trash cans?
And more importantly, do your beer bottles have twist tops or do you need a bottle opener?
