209
   

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
roger
 
  5  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 08:31 pm
Sadly, I am collapsing the thread, at least for awhile. Not everyone looks into a joke thread for hate and dissention, you know.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  7  
Reply Fri 20 Feb, 2015 09:34 pm
@carloslebaron,

Thanks once again for turning something enjoyable into a root canal without lidocaine. And also for reminding me why I have your sorry ass on ignore.
0 Replies
 
Setanta
 
  5  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 01:09 am
@chai2,
chai2 wrote:
This carlos person is ignorant, hateful and willfully stupid. He needs no encouragement.


That bore repeating.
Ragman
 
  3  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 08:05 am
@Setanta,
yes...bore is the operative term here.
0 Replies
 
carloslebaron
 
  -4  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 09:38 am
@ossobuco,
Quote:
Is this a separate new comedic thing, creepology?

I will be assigning that to your posts.



What joke are you talking about?

Please give the link... Lol
0 Replies
 
carloslebaron
 
  -4  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 09:52 am
@ossobuco,
Quote:
I agree with Chai here.

Carlos was someone on ignore by me immediately if not sooner, as my patience is serrated by now, but from reactions, I sometimes go back and read, often a mistake. I don't remember if I responded or not, there are so many.

I'll buy the word troll, but not sure. He may actually intend us to concur with what he says.

To Frank: for your penance, go back and read every one of his posts.


Perhaps neither of both of you have ever understood what "freedom of speech is about".

It seems that you ignore that forums -as long as rules are respected- were created for people giving opinions and not so for individuals or groups of individuals winning over other's opinions.

Learn what freedom of speech is about before continue writing more crap about the right of others to express their thoughts.

Your attitude is like expecting Democrats to be banned when Republicans are in power and vice versa.

Stop discriminating and condemning others because their freedom of thinking.

0 Replies
 
carloslebaron
 
  -4  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 10:00 am
@Ragman,
There are lots of jokes about crippled people, and these jokes have run around the world and people laughed because of them.

When you want to target an affected individual to feel sorry and reject a joke, that is fine, but it is a mistake to generalize that the rest of people will agree with you.

It appears that you want to use US veterans to make your point, so every joke about blind people might be wrong, every joke about killed in war might be wrong, every joke about war in general might be wrong, so thanks to your "insightful feelings" no jokes about war must be made at all and the existing ones must be banned, right?

glitterbag
 
  7  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 11:15 am
@carloslebaron,
I think you're confused about freedom of speech. You are not being silenced, you are free to express whatever you wish to express. The fact that your views are repulsive to others simply means they are also free to think for themselves and reject your antagonist buffoonery. You seem to take offense when others exercise their freedom of speech, that makes you a hypocrite. You are free to express yourself, you simply can't force others to like you. But, it's anonymous here. You will not lose your job, be forced out of or into a religious group, or suffer any other repercussion. I'm hard pressed to believe you are so delusional you actually expect that others can't recognize boorish, sophomoric, blowhard behaviour and then congratulate you for being something you're not.

Only you really know what your goal is. But if your goal is simply to put a stop to people enjoying themselves, well...I should pity you. But it's hard to pity an irritation. Your life must be so empty and bleak. That's how I see you, the consummate loser with a chip on your shoulder.

Now, here is the reality for you. When others get fed up with your whiny bullshit, they will place you on ignore. Your posts will still be there but some will opt out of your nonsense. So knock yourself out with your freedom of speech, and learn that freedom is a two way street. No one can force anyone to read your crap if they choose not to. I'm choosing my pursuit of happiness and I encourage all others to do the same.


Lordyaswas
 
  4  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 11:41 am
A man with a 25 inch long penis goes to his doctor to complain that he is having a problem with this cumbersome instrument and has had more than one complaint.

"Doctor," he asked, in total frustration, "is there anything you can do for me?"

The doctor replies, "Medically, son, there is nothing I can do. But, I do know this witch who may be able to help you." So the doctor gives him directions to the witch.

The man calls upon the witch and relays his story. "Witch, my penis is 25 inches long and I need help. Can anything be done to help me? You are my only hope."

The witch stares in amazement, scratches her head, and then replies, "I think I may be able to help you with your problem. Do this. Go deep into the forest. You will find a pond. In this pond, you will find a frog sitting on a log. This frog has magic. You say to frog, will you marry me? When the frog says no, you will find five inches less to your problem."

The man's face lit up and he dashed off into the forest. He called out to the frog, "Will you marry me?"

The frog looked at him dejectedly and replied, "NO."

The man looked down and suddenly his penis was 5 inches shorter. "WOW," he screamed out loud, "this is great!" But it was still too long at 20 inches, so he decided to ask the frog to marry him again. "Frog, will you marry me?" the guy shouted.

The frog rolled its eyes back in its head and screamed back, "NO!"

The man felt another twitch in his penis, looked down, and it was another 5 inches shorter. The man laughed, "This is fantastic." He looked down at his penis again, 15 inches long, and reflected for a moment. Fifteen inches is still a monster, just a little less would be ideal. Grinning, he looked across the pond and yelled out, "Frog will you marry me?"

The frog looked back across the pond shaking its head, "How many times do I have to tell you? NO, NO, NO!"
0 Replies
 
CalamityJane
 
  6  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 12:14 pm
A magician was working on a cruise ship in the Caribbean. The audience was different each week so he did same tricks over and over.

The problem was, the captain's parrot saw all the shows and began to understand how the magician did every trick.

He started shouting in the middle of the show: 'Look, it's not the same hat. Look, he's hiding the flowers under the table. Hey, why are all the cards the ace of spades?' The magician was furious but, as it was the captain's parrot, he could do nothing. Then one day the ship sank and the magician found himself floating on a piece of wood with the parrot.

They glared at each other but said nothing. Finally, after a week, the parrot said: 'OK, I give up. Where's the boat?'
Lordyaswas
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 12:21 pm
"When my wife and I argue, we’re like a band in concert: we start with some new stuff, and then we roll out our greatest hits.”
- Frank Skinner.


“I was given some Sudoku toilet paper. It didn't work. You could only fill it in with number 1s and number 2s.”
- Bec Hill.


“Money can't buy you happiness? Well, check this out, I bought myself a Happy Meal.”
- Paul F Taylor.
CalamityJane
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 12:37 pm
@Lordyaswas,
”I said to the Gym instructor “Can you teach me to do the splits?” He said, ”How flexible are you?” I said, ”I can’t make Tuesdays”
0 Replies
 
Lordyaswas
 
  2  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 12:40 pm
I once crossed a flea with a chicken, and ended up with an itchy cock.
CalamityJane
 
  6  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 12:51 pm
@Lordyaswas,
An American woman is walking through a park in Germany when she sees a man peeing out in the open. She shouts "ew gross" and the man smiles and responds "danke schön".
0 Replies
 
ossobuco
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 02:23 pm
@CalamityJane,
wonderfully bad, CJane
0 Replies
 
carloslebaron
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 02:42 pm
@glitterbag,
Quote:
I think you're confused about freedom of speech. You are not being silenced, you are free to express whatever you wish to express. The fact that your views are repulsive to others simply means they are also free to think for themselves and reject your antagonist buffoonery. You seem to take offense when others exercise their freedom of speech, that makes you a hypocrite. You are free to express yourself, you simply can't force others to like you. But, it's anonymous here. You will not lose your job, be forced out of or into a religious group, or suffer any other repercussion. I'm hard pressed to believe you are so delusional you actually expect that others can't recognize boorish, sophomoric, blowhard behaviour and then congratulate you for being something you're not.

Only you really know what your goal is. But if your goal is simply to put a stop to people enjoying themselves, well...I should pity you. But it's hard to pity an irritation. Your life must be so empty and bleak. That's how I see you, the consummate loser with a chip on your shoulder.

Now, here is the reality for you. When others get fed up with your whiny bullshit, they will place you on ignore. Your posts will still be there but some will opt out of your nonsense. So knock yourself out with your freedom of speech, and learn that freedom is a two way street. No one can force anyone to read your crap if they choose not to. I'm choosing my pursuit of happiness and I encourage all others to do the same.


I love what you wrote, because you have hit the point, I didn't come to these forums looking for people to like me, hated me or whatever.

I came to participate in forums and give opinions.

For example, for me is repugnant to see two men kissing in their mouths in public, to others will be indifferent, and for others will be even a pleasure.

Then, opinions are given. Mine seem to offend others, but other's opinions also offend me. But I don't attack the posters.

And this is the point here, that some posters attack the person of the opposite message instead of the thoughts of the another person. If you check the rules of these forums, there are lots of participants breaking the rules here because they attack the person instead of the messages.

I don't follow others throughout the topics in other to write things against their thoughts, their inclinations, their personalities, etc. I just choose what topic to open, read the thread and write my message. Simple.

So, I don't give a dime if my messages are ignored, replied, discussed, and so forth. Forums are made to give opinions, not so for everybody to be in a sole agreement.

I always knew that people must read both sides of an argument, and from here to have their own conclusions. This is the way I grew up, and for this reason I'm free to choose what part of an argument to take.

Sadly, others opt to write between themselves to become a group an attack a poster who is not in agreement with them... and situations like these can by observed and really causes laughs... their personal attacks on others are always truly well posted when they write their hatred in this thread about "bad jokes"... Lol.
0 Replies
 
glitterbag
 
  3  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 02:51 pm
Apparently I wasn't specific enough. Well, I made an effort, results are not guaranteed. I'm just not that invested. If you think rules are being broken, notify the moderators.
carloslebaron
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 03:01 pm
A UFO landed in the backyard of a house, and the aliens -who look like humanoids- knocked the door of the house.

The couple who lived over here, opened the door and the aliens explained them, that their presence on earth was to experiment what was to have intergalactic sex with species from other planets.

The man and the woman asked for a few minutes to discuss the situation. After a talk, they agreed that nobody will know about it, it was "a one time thing", a why not and who will care anyway, and so forth.

So, the male alien took the woman to the spaceship and the man took the female alien to the bedroom.

When the alien got naked, the woman felt very disappointed because the his penis was no greater than one inch. But, the male alien told her that she just need to pull his ears and his penis will increase in size and thickness until it meets her needs.

She did so while the kissing and hugging, and his penis started to get bigger.

Both couples spent all night long performing intergalactic sex.

On the next day, early in the morning, before the Sun arose at the horizon, the aliens departed giving greeting to the human couple, and the man and a woman started to talk about last night while having breakfast.

He asked her how was last night.

-Aaahhh... it was wonderful- replied the wife-, and what about you?-

-Oh, I had a very good time too... but today in the morning I have woken up with such a great pain in my ears...-

0 Replies
 
carloslebaron
 
  -2  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 03:07 pm
@glitterbag,
Quote:
Apparently I wasn't specific enough. Well, I made an effort, results are not guaranteed. I'm just not that invested. If you think rules are being broken, notify the moderators.


Thanks, but I'm not a crying baby nor a snitcher... never was...never will...

Hope to this place be solely for jokes... regardless of their kind as long as they are "bad jokes".
FBM
 
  1  
Reply Sat 21 Feb, 2015 03:12 pm
I'm just glad we're getting back to posting bad jokes again.
0 Replies
 
 

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