Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Knock knock

Who's there?


Maybe it's a big horse


Maybe it's a big horse who?


Maybe it's a big horse I'm a Londoner,
That I love London so-o-o-o
Maybe it's a big horse I'm a Londoner
That I fink of her... wherever I go-o-o-o......
Etc

Knock knock

Who's there?


Sam and Janet


Sam and Janet who?




Sam and Janet evening
You may see a stranger
You may see a stranger
Across a crowded room.....

A traveling salesman screws in a light bulb, crosses the road, walks into a bar and says to the bartender, "My entire life is a joke."

What do you do with an elephant with three balls?
















Walk him and pitch to the rhino.

clever!

Sound like a dalek

MIND THE GAP!
EXTERMINATE!
MIND THE GAP!

The first time I was in London, in 1984, I just could not understand what was being said. It seemed to be in all sorts of random and untranslatable accents. Perhaps they used the station staff or train staff in those days.

It seems much clearer now.

Best joke here in a month of Sundays.

On their way to getting married, a young couple is involved in a fatal car accident. They find themselves sitting outside the Pearly Gates, waiting for St. Peter to process them into Heaven. While waiting, they begin to wonder: Could they possibly get married in Heaven? When St. Peter shows up, they ask him. St. Peter says, 'I don't know. This is the first time anyone has asked that. Let me go and find out,' and he leaves.

The couple sit and wait, and wait. Two months pass and the couple is still waiting. As they wait, they discuss that if they were allowed to get married in Heaven, what was the eternal aspect of it all. 'What if it doesn't work?' they wondered. 'Are we stuck together forever?'

After yet another month, St. Peter finally returns, looking somewhat bedraggled. 'Yes,' he informs the couple, 'you can get married in Heaven.'
'Great!' says the couple, 'But we were just wondering, what if things don't work out? Can we also get a divorce in Heaven?'
St. Peter, red-faced with anger, slams his clipboard onto the ground.
'What's wrong?' ask the frightened couple.
'OH, COME ON!' St. Peter shouts, 'It took me three months to find a priest up here! Do you have any idea how long it'll take me to find a lawyer?'

Omg, Abi and Esther Ofarim!!!!!
Haven't heard of them in years and years. Esther had such a great voice.

Between you and me, Jane, that is one of my two shower songs.


This is the other......

And those eyes Esther has. Talk about sloe eyes.

A Christian woman talking to a friend about the dead of her grandmother.

"She was disoriented for years, and finally she kept walking on the balcony of our penthouse and fell from the 10th floor... and now she is in heaven..."

"Wow!" exclaimed the listener, "that old woman... she really does bounce!!!"

Bravo Walter

But... that's not a bad joke!

It's so good it's bad-ass

The feminists had their worldwide convention in Paris.

From all around the world feminist women united to support themselves in their fight for women's dominance of the globe.

Three speakers were invited to give testimony of their success. The first one was the host from Paris.

"... and I demanded my husband to wash the dishes so I can go shopping, otherwise I would leave the house and move with my friends... and I waited to see any change. On the first day I saw nothing... On the second day I saw nothing... On the third day I saw my husband washing the dishes!"

That place turned into a carnival. Women were clapping, others crying with emotive hope. Hugs, kisses, tears, laughs, it was a complete jubilee.

The second speaker was an American woman.

"... and I demanded my husband to clean up the house so I can go to the disco, otherwise I would start my petition of divorce... and I waited to see any change. On the first day I saw nothing... On the second day I saw nothing... On the third day I saw my husband with the vacuum cleaner cleaning the whole house!"

The auditorium turned again into a feast. All these women were praising themselves rising their hands and jumping like crazy. The inspirational testimonies were sublimed words of victory.

It was the turn for the third speaker, who was a woman from Mexico.

"... and I demanded my husband to babysit the children so I can rest a few hours, otherwise I would leave and take the children with me to my mother's house... and I waited to see any change. On the first day I saw nothing... On the second day I saw nothing... On the third day I can see just a little bit with my left eye...."