Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

It really is a good joke by LeBaron, only the pun is hard to translate.

There's no problem with understanding the pun fbaezer, I understood the joke completely.

I could have understood it in a quarter of the time and writing, and it would have been 10 times as funny.

Jean Claude Van Damme, Steven Segal, and Arnold Schwarzenegger all decide to go out trick-or-treating as musical composers for Halloween. They go into a costume store and look for masks. Jean Claude sees a costume that he likes and says, "I think I'll go as Beethoven." Steven Segal sees a costume that grabs his attention and says, "I'll be Mozart." Arnold had a tough time finding a costume that he liked, but he eventually found one that appeased his interest. He picks up a costume and said, "I'll be Bach."

Oh . . . my stomach hurts . . .

I asked a French guy if he played video games. He said, "Wii."

I told 2 people that joke today jes, and they laughed in spite of themselves.

Heehee...

A bloke walks into a pub with a dog, sits at the bar and orders two pints, one for him and one for the dog. The barman was going to pour the dog's pint into a bowl but his owner said that a glass will do, because his dog is Butch the amazing talking dog.
'Really?' asked the barman.
'Really,' said Butch, taking his seat at the bar and taking a swig of beer. ' I can do anything you humans can do, that's why I'm amazing.'
'Can you deliver flowers and give a message?'
'Of Course.'
'It's just that my wife and I have just had a row, she really loves dogs. If she gets a bunch of flowers from a talking dog, she'll be made up.'

So they struck a deal, free beer for the rest of the week for Butch and his owner, if Butch delivers a bunch of flowers and a message. The barman writes down the address and gives Butch £10 to get the flowers. Butch sets off and his owner tells the barman he'll get a phone call from his wife in about ten minutes, because that's how long it will take Butch to deliver. Ten minutes passes, no phone call, no Butch. After half an hour they set out to investigate.

They don't get very far before they come to an alley, and Butch is shagging a bitch (lady dog) in the alley. 'Butch!' yells his owner, 'You've never done this before.'

Butch turns around and says, 'I've never had the money before.'

There was this couple that had been married for 20 years.

Every time they made love the husband always insisted on shutting off the light.

Well, after 20 years the wife felt this was ridiculous.

She figured she would break him out of this crazy habit.

So one night, while they were in the middle of a wild, screaming,
romantic session, she turned on the lights.

She looked down.... and saw her husband was holding a battery-operated pleasure device... a vibrator!

Soft, wonderful and larger than a real one.

She went completely ballistic.

You impotent bastard, She screamed at him, How could you be lying to me all of these years?

You better explain yourself!

The husband looks her straight in the eyes and says calmly:

I'll explain the toy, you explain the kids.

Battery operated?

What, did she think he was humming to her all those years?

Who knows, I just copy and paste the bad ones from facebook. Maybe she was hearing impaired? Or they lived near an airport? Or she was a howler?

If you start arguing the logic of a joke you've kind of missed the point.

Vibrators certainly do hum. It's a legitimate question.

I agree with Izzy. It's like watching episodes of Dr Who more than once and picking holes in the logic. Though maybe with all the wild screaming she couldn't hear the vibrator anyway.

Why was he screaming?

He must have been fake screaming.

We've all done that.

Yeah, dogpiling is a bad joke.