Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

I was asking myself the same question when you wrote the "second part" of a joke, including dialogues of a man going home with intentions of beating the wife with an iron rod.

But I let it go.

That's funny, because it was an imitation of the style of how you tell jokes.

You don't even recognize yourself.

So anyway, what was the punchline of your joke about the devil and the triple supposed to mean?

If it was based on a forgein speakers pronounciation, a triple what?

In a bar, a big dude came in and after asking for a bottle of cheap whiskey screamed with loud voice.

"Whom of you is Arthur! Show yourself... you coward!"

The rest in the bar were afraid of the big dude and in silence continued drinking and playing cards. The big dude screamed again.

"Arthur! I know you are here! Show yourself piece of sh*t!"

Silence followed the guy's words. He drunk almost the entire bottle and screamed again.

"This is the last call! Arthur! Arthur! You better come out otherwise I will destroy this place!"

From a corner of the cantina, a tiny, skinny, insignificant guy lift up his hand.

"Me. I am Arthur."

The big dude didn't think it twice and running directly to the small fellow started to punch his face, his belly, his face again, lifting him almost touching the ceiling and throwing him against the floor, jumping over him breaking his bones and smashing his face with his Texan boots.

When the giant saw that the other one can't move at all, he went to the bar counter and asked for another bottle of whiskey.

In the middle of the silence which ruled the room, a mocking laugh was heard.

"He he he... he he he...."

It was the small guy.

The big dude turned back to him and rose him up on the air facing the swollen face.

"What are you laughing at?!"

The small guy between his laughs said,

"It's because I lied to you, I'm not Arthur..."

That f*cking idiot Carlos has just ruined this thread.

ah, come on, that last one made me laugh.

Set, don't you know that according to Frank, you're not supposed to call folks idiots?

That last joke did qualify for the bad jokes thread, at least it ended in a punchline, and was a variation of a hundred other jokes.

Frank can kiss my rosy read Irish ass, and Carlos can line up behind him.

It was missing context. A reason for the little guy lying about who he was.

I've heard jokes like this end more often with "joke's on you, I'm not Arthur" It's like he thinks he clever for fooling the guy who beat him.

I think we're dealing with someone who is just very literal and can't judge that you don't need to give 10 examples of whatever's going on, one or 2 will do.

That's a big part of it, it goes on so long you just lose interest in how it's going to end.

That, and most annoying to me is when someone delivers the punch line of the joke, and then keeps continuing.

It's kind of like a salesman who doesn't know to shut up once he closes the deal, but keep selling the object to you.

I never said you are not supposed to call folks idiots, Chai. You ought at least make an attempt to get things right.

I said that the people you were calling idiots in that thread...probably did not deserve it.

And asking a person with as little character and decency as Setanta not to call people idiots will only elicit one of his usual snotty remarks. Setanta needs to call people names...so he can feel better about himself...although feeling better about what he is...is an enormous project.

Setanta, Chai2, and Wilso definitively can't drink, it should be better if they abstain from drinking.

In the California Gold era, an old miner came into the bar happy as hell with a huge cloth bag in his left hand.

"I have found gold! I have found gold!... drinks for everybody!"

Everybody clapped, and running to the bar received a free cup of whiskey. The bartender was very happy.

The old man took a seat and started to drink having two beautiful girls sitting in each one of his legs. Suddenly the old man cried again.

"Next round is on me!"

And drinking and having fun, the music was louder, laughs, card playing, it was a real party in that saloon. The old man continued inviting free drinks all night long.

After the bottles and barrels of liquor became empty, the others started to leave the local one by one, and the bartender was left alone with the drunk old miner.

"Hey... wake up, I need you to pay me the drinks..."

The old man continued sleeping and barely pronounced babbling words.

"Whgfionghfolkbfdsdshhhhh"

The bartender shook him to wake him up.

"Hey.. old dude... come on... I need to buy more liquor... pay me now... open the bag and show the gold..."

"Gold? What gold?" responded the old miner, almost losing conscience.

The bartender became worried, and grabbing the cloth bag from the old man opened it and found crashed stones.

"You mother f*ck*r!!!"

And with the same cloth bag started to hit the old man in the head, in the shoulders... the old man recovered fast a clear mind and found his way out crawling desperately while behind him was the bartender, pump! pump! pump! hitting him on his back, his arms, his legs... until when the old dude reached the street the bartender threw on his head the cloth bag full of stones.

On the next night, the saloon opened as usual and people started to fill up the local. Suddenly, the old miner showed up again with the huge cloth bag in his left hand and cried loudly.

"I have found gold" I have found gold!... drinks for everybody!"

But when he said these words, he and the serious bartender look at each other straight eye to eye. The old miner pointing at him his finger continued very upset.

"Drinks for everybody but him!... because when he drinks he really really becomes very aggressive!"

Please stop posting this garbage that everybody reads until the end. They're not funny, or even bad.

Please stop posting on a2k altogether.
You're a Holocaust-denying narcissistic sociopath;three things I can't abide.
Shoo!

Q: How do you kill a circus clown? A: Go for the juggler!

Q: When do you kick a midget in the balls? A: When he is standing next to your girlfriend saying her hair smells nice

Q: How do you get a nun pregnant? A: Dress her up as an alter boy.

Too bad there aren't many automotive questions. He's actually pretty good on those. But yeah, humor isn't his thing.

When I read that last one, all I kept thinking was "was there some reason it was important to tell us the bag was in his left hand?"

You guys know about the ignore function, right?

THE LAST SUPPER

http://www.oxforddictionaries.com/us/translate/spanish-english/che

(Argentinian expression "che vos"= "hey")

The new Spaniard Catholic Priest arrived to a small town in Buenos Aires, and he had hard feelings against Argentines. No one knew the reason why, but every Sunday at the mass, this priest used to replace the bad guys of the New Testament as if they were Argentines.

" And came the damned Argentinian high priest and without mercy he hit the face of our savior..."

The followers, who never heard such a new biblical version started to have concerns because this kind of preaching continued Sunday after Sunday.

"... the cursed tormentor who was Argentine, son of twenty fathers used the whip to cause hundreds of lacerations in our Lords back..."

"... It had to be Argentine and no other in order to nail the hands of Jesus in the cross..."

And, so many more, that the people made a complaint against the new priest to the bishopric.

The priest was called for an audience. Here, he explained that when he decided to volunteer for missionary work, he expected to be sent to Africa, China or any other place. But that he was very unhappy when he was sent to Argentina. The Bishop told him that as a good servant of God, he should obey the orders of their superiors and fulfill them without complaints.

He was advised, however, to never ever pronounce the noun word "Argentine" in his sermons. The priest consented and returned back to the small town.

On the following Sunday, the priest started his sermon:

"In the past weeks, I have been very unfair with you, and I would like to start my preaching as it was supposed to be since day one...

... Our Lord and Savior knew that it was a traitor between his disciples, and when they sat to have the last supper, he told them...

-"One of you in this room will betray me..."

Peter asked him. "Is it me. my lord?"

-"No Peter, you are not. You will be the founder of my new church".

John, a little concerned asked him, "My Lord, is it me?"

- "No John, you are not, You will write a Gospel, a weird one, but I like it already."

- "Is it me, my savior?" asked Thomas.

-No Thomas, you will not be that one, however, look at me very well so you can recognize me next time.

The priest suddenly changed his tone of voice, and sweat started to drop from his forehead. He wanted to mention the forbidden word and his mind was fighting hard against his lips.

- Oh... but here came the traitor, Judas Iscariot, the devil itself dressed as a man, the one who's name was cursed since before the creation of the universe, that son of a b*tch, the one and only, who smiling without shame, faced our Lord asking him...

-Che vos! is it me?

That's it. I'm done. Goodbye.