Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

I was gonna say that Fokker was actually a Dutch company. But then realised the Squadron Leader may have been riffing on Focke-Wulf.

Anyway - reminded me of this terrible joke my dad told me (the bay was Botany Bay in his telling - and it's sadly close to extinction as Fokker went bankrupt in 1997)

Two fishermen were out in the bay one day, they'd been out for hours when they realised that the tide had taken them right out to sea, a big storm was whipping up so they decided to head back in.

After several attempts to get the engine going they realised that they were in trouble, so they got on the radio.
"Maydey, Maydey dis issa liddle idali, we needa you helpa, pleese come".

The message was heard by a passing Fokker Friendship who replied to the call.
"Little Italy, Little Italy, this is Fokker Friendship F-27, give us your location please".

No reply two minutes later the call came again.
"Maydey, Maydey dis issa liddle idali, we needa you help, pleesa come".

So the pilot again radioed for the location.
"Little Italy, Little Italy, this is Fokker Friendship F-27, give us your location and we will send help".

Still no reply, so the pilot tries again.
"Little Italy, Little Italy, this is Fokker Friendship..."

Just then the radio spoke.
"We don't want you fokker friendship, we want your fokker help!

An attractive young woman on a flight from Ireland asked the Priest
beside her, Father, may I ask a favor?

Of course child. What may I do for you?

Well, I bought my mother an expensive hair dryer for her birthday.
It is unopened but well over the Customs limits and I'm afraid
they'll confiscate it.

Is there any way you could carry it through customs for me? Hide it
under your Robes perhaps?

I would love to help you, dear, but I must warn you, I will not lie.

With your honest face, Father, no one will question you.

When they got to Customs, she let the priest go first. The official
asked, Father, do you have anything to declare?

From the top of my head down to my waist I have nothing to declare.
The official thought this answer strange, so asked, And what do
you have to declare from your waist to the floor?

I have a marvelous instrument designed to be used on a woman,
but which is, to date, unused.

Roaring with laughter, the official said, Go ahead, Father.
Next please!

Heehee. I liked that one.

You occupy space and have mass. You know what that means? You matter.






Sorry.

And so you should be:)

My first supervisor used to make fun of my funny speaking English.

I made a trick on him faking that I was electrocuting myself in a 20 floor building main panel. He run to my site trying to rescue me. I took my hands out of the open and alive electric panel laughing of him. He did stop and gave me the warning look.

"You, little devil".

I told him, "I'm not devil, I'm triple."

He smiled and didn't bother me anymore.

What is a physicist's favourite food? Fission chips.

Three sisters age 92, 94 and 96 live in a house together.
One night the 96 year old draws a bath, puts her foot in and pauses.
She yells down the stairs, "Was I getting in or out of the bath?"
The 94 year old yells back, "I don't know, I'll come up and see."
She starts up the stairs and pauses, then she yells,
"Was I going up the stairs or coming down?"
The 92 year old was sitting at the kitchen table having tea
listening to her sisters. She shakes her head and says,
"I sure hope I never get that forgetful." She knocks
on wood for good measure. She then yells,
"I'll come up and help both of you as soon as I see
who's at the door."

Wally liked that one Andy.

Am I the only one that has no idea?

No you are not.

Imagine that he was speaking in bad english and "devil" sounded like "double".

That's all I got.

A triple what?

Plus, what a way to gas your own joke.

You give the punch line, then meander off with "and he smiled and didn't bother me anymore" or whatever it was.

Yes, I agree. My husband's Japanese and he makes puns all the time that rely on his bad pronunciation.

A police officer pulls a guy over for speeding and has the following exchange:

Officer: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: I don't have one. I had it suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Officer: May I see the owner's card for this vehicle?

Driver: It's not my car. I stole it.

Officer: The car is stolen?

Driver: That's right. But come to think of it, I think I saw the owner's card in the glove box when I was putting my gun in there.

Officer: There's a gun in the glove box?

Driver: Yes sir. That's where I put it after I shot and killed the woman who owns this car and stuffed her in the trunk.

Officer: There's a BODY in the TRUNK?!?!?

Driver: Yes, sir.

Hearing this, the officer immediately called his captain.

The car was quickly surrounded by police, and the captain approached the driver to handle the tense situation:

Captain: Sir, can I see your license?

Driver: Sure. Here it is.

It was valid.

Captain: Who's car is this?

Driver: It's mine, officer. Here's the owner' card.

The driver owned the car.

Captain: Could you slowly open your glove box so I can see if there's a gun in it?

Driver: Yes, sir, but there's no gun in it.

Sure enough, there was nothing in the glove box.

Captain: Would you mind opening your trunk? I was told you said there's a body in it.

Driver: No problem.

Trunk is opened; no body.

Captain: I don't understand it. The officer who stopped you said you told him you didn't have a license, stole the car, had a gun in the glovebox, and that there was a dead body in the trunk.

Driver: Yeah, I'll bet the liar told you I was speeding, too