@roger,
You're right, I can't tell the difference.
@hingehead,
but there
is a difference
!
for example, i wouldn't dream of putting this really bad joke on the other thread...
@Region Philbis,
I have trouble justifying your posting it here, even.
THE CHARRO
A Mexican dude went to a bar dressed as a charro. Others saw him with his great hat, his big moustache, the two pistols around the waist, and his Texan boots.
People started asking him who was him.
-Pos, I'm a charro, can't you see? Look at my hat, my moustache, my pistols, my boots... soy the mero mero...
Everybody wanted to take pictures with him, and the bar became a party thanks to the new attraction.
After the novelty was over, people started to get into their seats and the charro was alone for a few minutes. A beautiful woman entered the bar and sat besides the charro.
-Ugh, mamita, pos, what is your name?
-Frederick -said the woman, while ordering a drink.
-Frederick? pos that is a hombre name.
-Well, my name is Frederick because I'm a lesbian.
-Lesbian? but, what is a lesbian?
-Well, I'm going to explain you this way, I love women, I enjoy having sex with women, I think no other thing but about women, I can't live without having a woman on my side to pamper her, to kiss her, to love her...
After these words, the woman left the place.
The charro saw her going out of the bar.
At that moment, another group of young fellas got into the bar and saw the Mexican dude. They approached him with extreme curiosity and asked:
-Are you a charro?
The Mexican finished his tequila, and very dubitative said:
-Pos I am not sure, but I think I'm a lesbian...
RETIREE'S LAST TRIP TO KROGER'S
Yesterday my husband was at our local Kroger's buying a large bag of Purina dog chow for our loyal pups, Sophie and Ruby. He was in the checkout line when a woman behind him asked if he had a dog?
So because he's retired and has too much time on his hands, on impulse, he told her that no, he didn't have a dog, he was starting the Purina Diet again, then he said he probably shouldn't, because he ended up in the hospital, but that he had lost 50 pounds before he woke up in intensive care with tubes inserted all over the place and IVS in both arms.
He told her it was essentially a perfect diet and that the way it works is to load up your pants pockets with kibble and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry. The food is nutritionally complete so it works well and he was going to try it again.
Horrified, she asked him if he ended up in intensive care because the dog food poisoned him? He told her no, he had stopped to pee on a fire hydrant and was hit by a car.
Kroger's won't let him shop there anymore.
@glitterbag,
Hey, don't blame the old bat for asking a stupid question. It ain't easy being old. My mother once called me to ask me the number for 911.
True story. Is it OK that I posted it in the jokes thread?
@Roberta,
I think it's good, or bad, but it belongs here. I actually had a young airman walk into my office back in the 80's, and after he knocked and walked in, his first question was "uh, are you someone's mother?" (Hand to God) I paused half a beat, to prevent saying something that would amuse me, but maybe not so much him. So I told him, yes I have a son. Then he blurted out "I just swallowed my chewing gum, what's going to happen to me?" I wish I made that up, and I don't remember how I answered exactly, I always suspected he was yanking my chain, he was an irritating smart ass, as opposed to a clever smart ass.
@glitterbag,
Many years ago when I had a part-time job as a gallery guard in the Boston Museum of Fine Arts, there would always be some confused sod who'd look at the marble staircase on the Fenway side of the museum and ask, "Does that staircase go up?" (I assume, in retrospect, that what they meant was "May I walk up those stairs?") I'd find myself answering, "I've never seen it move. It just sits there usually." Few laughs, more scowls.
@Region Philbis,
You made me laugh out loud. That's so bad it's good.
I CAN'T HEAR YOU, FATHER.
A Catholic priest noticed that the churchgoers were given good donations when the altar boys passed the collection basket at the mass.
When the service was finished, the deacon was in charge to bring the collection baskets to the priest office. But, the baskets started to become more empty each Sunday. So, the priest decided to investigate about it.
Priest: -My dear deacon, I noticed that it has been a long time since you have had your last confession.
Deacon: - Oh, Father, I'm okay, I don't think that I need it by now.
Priest: - I insist. You must confess your sins, regardless of how minor you think they are. You must be in peace with your soul and in good standing with God.
The deacon had no choice but to follow the priest suggestion and both were to the confessional booth.
Priest: - My son, before any prayer and any initial ritual, I want to ask you something. I noticed that someone is taking the money from the collection baskets. Do you know who is doing it?
Deacon: - I can't hear you, Father.
Priest: - OK, listen, someone is stealing money from the collection baskets. Do you know who is committing this bribe?
Deacon: -I can't hear you, Father.
Priest: -(Raising up his voice very loudly) A damn burglar is stealing the money that belongs to the Church. Do you know who is it?
Deacon:- I can't hear you, Father.
The priest lost his patience, and coming out of the confessional booth, asked the deacon to change places.
When the Deacon took the seat on the priest's side of the confessional booth, he immediately started the dialogue.
Deacon:- Father, before you ask me any more questions, do you know who is having an affair with my wife?
A moment of silence.
Priest:- Hey! you are right my son... from here I can't hear you either.
@Region Philbis,
Don't Socratease us with your puns.
Kant you see I have enough on my plato this morning without this nonsense?
@timur,
Don't go on Derriding him.
@hingehead,
Fantastic.
"If Gengis Khan then why Emanuel Kant?" by itself is worth the rest of the list.
@Lustig Andrei,
Should that be Genghis Khant?
@cicerone imposter,
Maybe. But they say he khan.
