Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

The beautiful ant and the handsome elephant went to the judge.

"Your honor" said the elephant, "we want to get married."

The ant looked at the elephant with some attitude.

"We want to...?!" Ah ah... We have to ...! We have to...!

Looonnnnggg stupid joke.

The boss saw the clock marking that everybody was late. The first employee came dropping sweat from all his body.

-"Sorry boss, I'm late because my car broke down in the Highway, and I saw a horse, and I rode on the horse but the horse died two miles away from here, and I run the fastest I can and here I am."

-"No problem, just clean up yourself and start to work."

Another employee came also with sweat everywhere.

-"Sorry boss, but after leaving my child at school another car hit mine and no buses were around, but I saw a horse, and I rode on the horse, but the horse died no too far from here, and I run fast in order to be early."

-"No problem, just go to your desk and start to work."

A third employee came late.

-"Uh. Look, you probably won't believe what happened, but my son took my car so I had no choice but to take the bus , but the bus had a flat tire. I was so desperate, but suddenly I saw a horse, and I rode on the horse coming to work. But the horse made so much effort that the poor beast died on the middle of the street, about 20 blocks from here..."

-"Yeah yeah, sure... just start working right now before I fired you" answered the impatient supervisor.

20 minutes later, the laziest employee of that office arrived fresh as an apple.

-"Hey boss, you must listen what happened to me..."
_"No, I won't listen more lies, you won't come here telling me that your car broke down, that you had an accident, that you didn't have your car..."

-No sir, nothing like that...

-No?! Then, explain why the hell you are so late today in the morning!

-Well, I was driving fine coming to work and the traffic was clear all the way, but about two miles from here the traffic became very heavy when the cars slowed down avoiding to hit lots of dead horses lying on the middle of the street..."

A man is filling up his car tank with gasoline and accidentally gets some on his hand.

He doesn't notice it, so when he gets into his car he lights a cigarette.

His arm instantly catches on fire.

The man sticks his arm out the window and begins to wave it around attempting to blow out the flames crawling up his sleeve.

A policeman sees the man struggling with his arm on fire and arrests him on the spot for ............. an unlicensed firearm.

***

God will get you for that, Jay.

(i best post a few good'uns in the other thread to make up for it...)

Wanna be happy? Just ignore some ants
Because ignore ants is bliss

So I've been hanging out at the gym lately....and they've asked me to buy some better fitting shorts.

Gus Poyet was wheeling his shopping trolley across the supermarket car park when he noticed an old lady struggling with her shopping.

He stopped and asked, "Can you manage dear?" to which the old lady replied, "No way, you got yourself into this mess, don't ask me to sort it out!"

My doctor has a quadary. He's operating on a malpractice attorney tomorrow.

Milton Berle

Ha! Fair call.

Glad there's no hard feelings. We don't mind the Black Cats down here, but we don't like Poyet.

Jacob and Max were walking on the beach in a sunny day. The sound of the waves, the seagulls flying continually over the shore, it was a great spectacle.

Suddenly, while Jacob was admiring the ocean touching the blue sky, Max saw a dead seagull lying on the sand far away from them.

-Look! a dead seagull!

Jacob turned his face to the sky and said:

-Where?... where?...

In defense of poor Jacob - no one want's to get hit in the head with a falling dead seagull.

ha ha ha ha....

Hey! Wait a minute... this place is for really "bad" jokes only...

We've got a good jokes thread, a bad jokes thread, and a geek and nerd thread. How about one just for obscure jokes - those that don't fit into geek and nerd.

Obscure jokes?

I think it has been tried before, but at nights they were hard to be found...

I've never seen the good jokes thread roger - where is it? Not that I have any good jokes.

http://able2know.org/topic/221355-1

You get better stuff on the bad jokes thread, though.