@Lordyaswas,
Quote:I sold my Hoover last week.
Well, it was only collecting dust.
The Grim Reaper came to collect my soul last night. I beat him off with my vacuum cleaner.
Talk about Dyson with Death.
A mate of mine recently admitted to being addicted to brake fluid. When I quizzed him on it he reckoned he could stop any time....
I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave. As I was standing there I noticed four grave diggers walking about with a coffin , three hours later and they're still walking about with it. I thought to myself , they've lost the plot!!
My daughter asked me for a pet spider for her birthday, so I went to our local pet shop and they were $70!!! Blow this , I thought , I can get one cheaper off the web.
I was at an ATM yesterday when a little old lady asked if I could check her balance , so I pushed her over.
I start a new job in Seoul next week. I thought it was a good Korea move.
I was driving this morning when I saw an RAC van parked up. The driver was sobbing uncontrollably and looked very miserable. I thought to myself that guy's heading for a breakdown.
Statistically , 6 out of 7 dwarves are not Happy.
My neighbour knocked on my door at 2:30am this morning , can you believe that , 2:30am?! Luckily for him I was still up playing my Bagpipes.
Paddy says "Mick , I'm thinking of buying a Labrador ."Bugger that" says Mick "have you seen how many of their owners go blind?"
@Region Philbis,
That's a Denis Leary line circa 1992, anyone heard it earlier?
@hingehead,
No, never have. It's a mean one.
How does Dracula get his hair so perfect without a mirror?
Oh, questions about the job?
"No I'm good."
I'm very familiar with 25 letters of the alphabet.
I don't know why.
@hingehead,
Fancy a pint, Mr Van Gogh?
No thanks, I've got one ear.
@Lordyaswas,
I'm the kind of guy who stops the microwave at 1 second just to feel like a bomb defuser.
@vonny,
I'm the kind of guy who uses the smoke alarm for a cooking timer.
@panzade,
I never set the timer on the microwave. Just don't remove or puncture the top of the package. When it explodes, you know it's done.
I've just got back from Accident & Emergency and have a warning for you:
Never take the "Pierce lid and stand in boiling water" instruction too literally.
@Lordyaswas,
Good advice. I still think the instruction about not using the toaster to keep the bath water warm was a little over the top.
