Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

A man and a woman who had never met before, but who were both married to other people, found themselves assigned to the same sleeping cabin on a transcontinental train.

Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a room, they were both very tired and fell asleep quickly, he in the upper berth and she in the lower.

At 1 : 00 AM, the man leaned down and gently woke the woman saying,...........

Excuse Me, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second blanket? 'I'm awfully cold.'

'I have a better idea.' she replied, 'Just for tonight......let's pretend that we're married'
'WOW, he thought, that's a great idea!' he exclaimed..

'Good,' she replied................'Get your own ******* blanket.'

After a moment of silence, ...........................he farted.

Good un, JLN.

I just learned a somewhat distressing fact. Statistically it can be shown that six out of seven dwarves are not Happy.

Favorite Bumper Stickers
1. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.
2. On the other hand, you have different fingers.
3. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.
4. Why do psychics have to ask you for your name?
5. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.
6. Honk if you love peace and quiet.
7. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?
8. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.
9. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach a man to fish and he will sit in a boat all day drinking beer.
10. As long as there are tests, there will be prayer in public schools.
11. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.
12. I wished the buck stopped here as I could use a few.
13. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

Ok. Those are really good.

Oops - not too good for the bad jokes thread I hope!

What Wilso said. Better watch your step there, vonny -- this is the bad jokes thread.

I was in the Texas Rose Saloon last night, at the bar waiting for a
beer, when a butt-ugly, big old heifer came up behind me, and slapped me
on the ass. She said, "Hey sexy, how about giving me your number."

I looked at her and said, "Have you got a pen?"

She said, "I sure do."

I said, "Well, you better get back into it before the farmer notices
you're missing."

My dental surgery is on Monday.

Andy, That one was worth two thumb's up! LOL

**** yeah. LOL a LOT.

Texas has so many inmates on its Death Row, they finally had to start executing them two at a time.

On this day, a cowboy and a biker are brought to receive their sentence.

The warden asks the cowboy if he has a Final Request. "Yew betcha, Warden," the cowboy replies. "I'd be mighty grateful if you'd play 'Achy Break Heart' fer me one last time."

"Yes, we can do that for you," the Warden says, before turning to the biker. "Do you have a Final Request too?"

"You better believe it," the biker says. "Kill me first!"

Bravo! Bravo!

These are getting good

55 year old Shirley was from Beverly Hills. One day, she had a heart attack and was taken to the hospital. While on the operating table, she had a near-death experience. She saw St. Peter and asked, "Is this it?" St. Peter said, "No, you have another 30 years to live."
Upon her recovery, she decided to stay in the hospital and have collagen shots, cheek implants, a facelift, liposuction and breast augmentation. She even had someone dye her hair. She figured since she had another 30 to 40 years, she might as well make the most of it. She walked out of the hospital after the last operation and was hit by a speeding car and killed. She again arrived in front of St. Peter and said, "I thought you said I had another 30 to 40 years."
St. Peter replied, "Sorry Shirley? I didn't recognize you!"

A Preacher wanted to raise money for his church and, being told there were fortunes in Race horses, he decided to purchase one and enter it in the races.

However, at the local auction, the going price for horses was so steep he ended up buying a donkey instead. He figured that since he had it, he might as well go ahead and enter it in the races, and to his surprise the donkey came in third.

The next day the racing sheets carried the headlines, "Preacher's Ass shows"

The Preacher was so pleased with the donkey that he entered it in the races again and this time he won! The papers said, "Preacher's Ass out in Front" The Bishop was so upset with this kind of publicity that he ordered the Preacher not to enter the donkey in another race.

The newspaper printed this headline, "Bishop Scratches Preacher's Ass". This was just too much for the Bishop and he ordered the Preacher to get rid of the animal.

The Preacher decided to give it to a Nun in a nearby convent. The headlines the next day read, "Nun has the Best Ass in Town"

The Bishop fainted.

He informed the Nun that she would have to dispose of the donkey and she finally found a farmer who was willing to buy it for $10.00.

The paper states, "Nun Peddles Ass for Ten Bucks"

They buried the Bishop the next day.

Good un, Advocate.

Notable notices -

Cocktail lounge, Norway: Ladies are requested not to have children in the bar.
Hotel, Acapulco: The manager has personally passed all the water served here.
On an Athi river highway: Take notice: when this sign is under water, this road is impassable.
In a city restaurant: Open seven days a week, and weekends too.
In a Pmwani maternity ward: No children allowed.
Hotel brochure, Italy: This hotel is renowned for its peace and solitude. In fact, crowds from all over the world flock here to enjoy its solitude.
Hotel elevator, Paris: Please leave your values at the front desk.
Hotel, Japan: You are invited to take advantage of the chambermaid.
Hong Kong dress shop: Ladies have fits upstairs.

A Trappist Monk joined a monastery at age twenty and took a vow of silence. At age 40, the abbot invited him in and gave him permission to say two words and he said "Bad Food"............at age sixty he got the same offer and said to the abbot "No Heat"...........at age 80, he knew he'd get the same deal and after decades of suffering he said to the abbot "I quit"........to which the abbot responded "It's just as well. You've done nothing but bitch since you got here".

http://www.1111comics.me/comic/115/