A man is driving along a highway and sees a rabbit
jump out across the middle of the road.
He swerves to avoid hitting it, but unfortunately the
rabbit jumps right in front of the car.
The driver, a sensitive man as well as an animal
lover, pulls over and gets out to see
what has become of the rabbit.
Much to his dismay, the rabbit is
the Easter Bunny, and he is DEAD .
The driver feels so awful that he begins to cry.
A beautiful blonde woman driving down the highway
sees a man crying on the side of the road
and pulls over.
She steps out of the car and asks the man what's wrong.
"I feel terrible," ! he explains,
"I accidentally hit the Easter Bunny with my car and KILLED HIM."
The blonde says,"Don't worry."
She runs to her car and pulls out a spray can.
She walks over to the limp, dead Easter Bunny,
bends down, and sprays the contents onto him.
The Easter Bunny jumps up, waves its paw at the
two of them and hops off down the road.
Ten feet away he stops, turns around and waves
again, he hops down the road another 10 feet,
turns and waves, hops another ten feet,
turns and waves, and repeats this again and again
and again and again, until he hops out of sight.
The man is astonished.
He runs over to the woman and demands,
"What is in that can?
What did you spray on the Easter Bunny ?"
The woman turns the can around
so that the man can read the label.
It says..
(Are you ready for this?)
(You know you're gonna be sorry)
(Last chance)
(OK, here it is)
It says,
"Hair Spray
Restores life to dead hair,
and adds permanent wave."
Happy Easter!! !
@Advocate,
What you posted was a lot to read. I haven't read it yet.
@panzade,
With any luck, the pair or you will knock each other out.........
@lmur,
Quote: With any luck, the pair or you
Well?....which one is it?
At the church meeting, the preacher announced, "Anyone with a special concern or problem who wants to be prayed over, please come forward." Billy Bob got in line, and when it was his turn, the preacher asked, "Billy Bob, what is your need that you want me to pray about?”
Billy Bob replied, "Preacher, I need you to pray for help with my hearing." The preacher put one finger of one hand on Billy Bob’s ear, placed his other hand on top of Billy Bob’s head, and then prayed and prayed and prayed. He prayed a blue streak for Billy Bob and the whole congregation joined in with great enthusiasm.
After a few minutes, the preacher removed his hands, stood back and asked, "Billy Bob, how is your hearing now?"
Billy Bob answered, "I don't know. It ain't 'til next week.”
A little girl says, "Grandpa, can I sit on your lap?
"Of course you can," her grandfather replied.
As she is sitting on granddad's lap she says, "Grandpa, can you make a sound like a frog?"
"A sound like a frog? Well, sure Grandpa can make a sound like a frog."
The girl says, "OK, please make a sound like a frog?"
Perplexed, her granddad says, "Sweetheart, why do you want me to make a sound like a frog?"
And the little girl says, "Cause Grandma said that when you croak, we're going to go to Disneyland."
As Herman was driving down the freeway, his cell phone rang. Answering, he heard his wife's voice urgently warning him, "Herman, I just heard on the news that there's a car going the wrong way on 280 Interstate. Please be careful!"
"It's not just one car," said Herman. "It's hundreds of them!"
Favorite signs.
On an electrician's truck. Let us remove your shorts.
At the dry cleaner's window. Drop your pants here.
On a door to a psychiatric ward: Please do not disturb further.
In an optometrist's office: If you don't see what you're looking for, you've come to the right place.
On auto body shop: May we have the next dents?
In a muffler shop: No appointment necessary. We'll hear you coming.
At a hotel: Help. We need inn-experienced people.
In a maternity clothes store: We are open on labor day.
On the door of the maternity ward: Push Push Push.
@vonny,
Husband’s Message (by mobile):
Honey, I got hit by a car outside the office. Paula brought me to the Hospital. They've been making tests and taking X-Rays. The blow to my head though very strong, will not have any serious or lasting injury. But, I have three broken ribs, a broken arm, a compound fracture in the left leg, and they may have to amputate the right foot.
Wife’s Response:
Who is Paula?
Two young boys are in a hospital, lying on stretchers next to each other outside the operating room. The first boy leans over and asks, "What are you in here for?" The second boy says, "I'm in here to get my tonsils out and I'm a little nervous." The first boy says, "You've got nothing to worry about. I had that done when I was 4. They put you to sleep and then you wake up they give you lots of Jell-O and ice cream. It's a breeze." The second boy then asks, "What are you here for?" The first boy responds, "circumcision." The second boy says, "Whoa, Good luck buddy. I had that done when I was born. Couldn't walk for a year!"
@vonny,
I can always count on you to make me laugh!!
A family is driving behind a garbage truck when a huge red dildo flies out, bounces off the road, and thumps against the windscreen.
Embarrassed, and to spare her young son's innocence, the mother turns around and says, "Don't worry; that was just an insect."
To which, her son replies,"I'm surprised it could get off the ground with a dick that big."
@Builder,
My husband's just asked why I am in fits of laughter!
