Billy Graham was returning to Charlotte after a speaking engagement and when his plane arrived there was a limousine to transport him to his home. As he prepared to get into the limo, he stopped and spoke to the driver.
'You know' he said, 'I am 87 years old and I have never
driven a limousine. Would you mind if I drove it for a while?'
The driver said, 'No problem. Have at it.'
Billy gets into the driver's seat and they head off down the highway. A short distance away sat a rookie State Trooper operating his first speed trap.
The long black limo went by him doing 70 in a 55 mph zone.
The young trooper pulled out and easily caught the limo, then got out of his patrol car and walked up to the driver's door. As the glass was rolled down, he was surprised to see who was driving.
He immediately excused himself and went back to his car and called his supervisor. 'I know we are supposed to enforce the law.... but I also know that important people are given certain courtesies. I need to know what I should do because I have stopped a very important person.'
The supervisor asked, 'Is it the governor?'
The young trooper said, 'No, he's more important than that.'
The supervisor said, 'Oh, so it's the president.'
The young trooper said, 'No, he's even more Important than that.'
After a moment,the supervisor finally asked, 'Well then, who is it?'
The young trooper said, 'I think it's Jesus, because he's got Billy Graham for a chauffeur!'
Time is like a river. You cannot touch the water twice, because the flow that has passed will never pass again. Enjoy every moment of life. As a bagpiper, I play many gigs. Recently I was asked by a funeral director to play at a graveside service for a homeless man. He had no family or friends, so the service was to be at a pauper's cemetery in the Nova Scotia back country.
As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost and, being a typical man, I didn't stop for directions.
I finally arrived an hour late and saw the funeral guy had evidently gone and the hearse was nowhere in sight. There were only the diggers and crew left and they were eating lunch. I felt badly and apologized to the men for being late.
I went to the side of the grave and looked down and the vault lid was already in place. I didn't know what else to do, so I started to play.
The workers put down their lunches and began to gather around. I played out my heart and soul for this man with no family and friends. I played like I've never played before for this homeless man.
And as I played "Amazing Grace", the workers began to weep. They wept, I wept, we wept together. When I finished, I packed up my bagpipes and started for my car. Though my head was hung low, my heart was full.
As I opened the door to my car, I heard one of the workers say, "I never seen anything like that before, and I've been putting in septic tanks for twenty years."
Apparently, I'm still lost....it's a man thing
@Region Philbis,
Au cointreau my friend, we need to scotch that rumour, nip it in the Bud. We don't want that fear-mongering brandied about. I can't beer it, for goodness saké. I'm not advokaating for excessive intake but a tipple over a game of sloe gin rummy isn't anything to get bitters over.
Behind every great man is a greater woman. Behind her is a great dane. Behind him is a towel rack. Then it gets rlly abstract. Rhombuses etc
@vonny,
I keep having recurring nightmares where I'm surrounded by loads of nude pregnant women.
Could I be going through a midwife crisis?
Some 15 year old girlfriends decided to meet for dinner. They discussed where to eat and finally agreed on McDonald's next to the Sea Side Restaurant because they only had $6.50 between them and Bobby Bruce, the cute boy in science class, lived on that street.
10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 25-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because it had free snacks, there was no cover charge, the beer was cheap, the band was good and there were lots of cute guys.
10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 35-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the combos were good, it was near the gym and if they went late enough, there wouldn't be many whiny little kids.
10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 45-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the martinis were big and the waiters wore tight pants and had nice buns.
10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 55-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the prices were reasonable, it had widows which opened (in case of hot flashes), the wine list was good and fish was good for their cholesterol.
10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 65-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because they had an Early Bird Special and the lighting was good.
10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 75-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because the food wasn't too spicy and it was handicapped accessible.
10 years later, the same girlfriends, now 85-year-olds, discussed where to meet for dinner. Finally they agreed to meet at the Sea Side Restaurant because they'd never been there before.
@blueveinedthrobber,
It is in the worst possible taste, bvt, in polite society to forcibly remind people of how fast life goes by and what maturing consists of in terms of changing aesthetic tastes under the guidance of the forces that guide.
@spendius,
spendius wrote:
It is in the worst possible taste, bvt, in polite society to forcibly remind people of how fast life goes by and what maturing consists of in terms of changing aesthetic tastes under the guidance of the forces that guide.
you are old and will die soon. Probably of liver failure. quite painful. Have a nice day.
A man walks into a public bathroom to pee. As he stands at the urinal a very short bearded man steps up to the other urinal and pulls out a pecker as big as a Louisville Slugger. The other man, incredulous, declares "I'm not gay but good God I've never seen anything like that!" The little man replies "I'm a leprechaun and we're all lucky that way". The first man grabs him and demands three wishes. Wish number one of course is to be filthy rich. wish number two is, no surprise, to have the world's most beautiful woman at his beck and call for sex. Lastly he wishes for a dick the size of the leprechauns. "I'm afraid that's one wish I can't grant you Bucko.....UNLESS you agree to let me f**k you.". The man's first instinct is to say Hell no but then he thinks about it and says to himself "Well, it's just this one time and no one's around, so okay". He bends over the urinal and as this HUGE penis goes further and further into him he cries out "I can't believe I'm letting you do this!" to which the little man answers "Oh Bucko, I can't believe you think I'm a leprechaun".
I hope you enjoy that one Advocate
@blueveinedthrobber,
It's not very funny, so I guess you are on the right track.
