Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

I get that feeling.

Horse walks into a bar.

Bartender says, "Why the long face?"

Horse says--" serve up a bucket of Guinness, smart arse, and I'll show you.

what did the zero say to the eight? nice belt.

ALIEN ABDUCTION

Harry, Bill and Steve are sitting at the corner bar, when Ted walks in looking distressed.
"Ted, you look awful. What's wrong?" Harry asks.
Ted says, "Last night I got really drunk and I was abducted by an alien."
Everyone is shocked. Bill asks, "What did the alien do to you?"
"All I remember is being anally probed," Ted says.
Everyone is horrified. "I heard that they'll do that!" Steve says. "What did the alien look like?"
Ted responds, "Carl."

AMERICAN BEER AND CANOEING

What's the similarity between American beer and having sex in a canoe?
******* close to water.

72?

What's 72?
69 with 3 people watching!

Q: How does a crazy person travel through the woods?

A: They take the psycho path.

CONTRACEPTIVES '98

Microsoft's Latest Venture   
News just in of Microsoft's latest venture: Microsoft Corporation has taken another step toward dominating every aspect of American life with the introduction of Contraceptive98, a suite of applications designed for users who engage in sex. Microsoft has been a pioneer in peer-to-peer connectivity and plug and play.   
It believes these technologies will give it substantial leverage in penetrating the copulation enhancement market. The product addresses two important user concerns: the need for virus protection and the need for a firewall to ensure the non-propagation of human beings.   
The Contraceptive98 suite consists of three products: Condom98, DeFetus 1.0 (from Sementec), and AIDScan 2.1 (from Norton Utilities). A free copy of Intercourse Explorer 4.0 is bundled in the package. The suite also comes in two expanded versions. Contraceptive98 Professional is the Client/Server edition, for professionals in the sexual services sector. Contraceptive98 Small Business Edition is a package for startups, aimed at the housewife and gigolo niches.   
While Contraceptive98 does not address nontraditional copulatory channels, future plug-ins are planned for next year.   
OPERATION: Only one node in a peer-to-peer connection needs to install the package.   
At installation, the Condom98 software checks for minimum hardware. If the user meets the requirements, the product installs and is sufficiently scaleable to meet most requirements. After installation, operation commences. One precaution is that the user must be sure they have sufficient RAM to complete the session. When the session is complete, a disconnect is initiated, and the user gets the message, it is now safe to turn off your partner.   
DRAWBACKS: Usability testers report that frequent failures were a major concern during beta testing. General Protection Fault was the most serious error encountered. Early versions had numerous bugs, but most of these have been eliminated. The product needs to be installed each time its used.   
CONCLUSION: Contraceptive98 is a robust product. Despite its drawbacks, it is reasonably good value for its $49.95 price tag, and is far superior to its shareware version. Hopefully, future releases (of the software, that is) will add missing functionality, such as Backout and Restore, uninterruptible Power Supply and Onboard Camera.   
Microsoft CEO Bill Gates is optimistic that "Our contraceptive products will help users do to each other what we've been doing to our customers for years."

You, anyone, yourself may not find the previous post humorous, in a way, to some extent but I do. Or I wouldn't had posted. I understand if you don't understand.

Reeg, some kind of canker got into this thread.
Gonna collapse it and go to the other one.
<pan>

Tonto invites the Lone Ranger to give a speech on the reservation.

The Lone Ranger speaks of how the white man and Indian can trust each other...and can get along and work well together.

Several times during the speech the Indians shout out, “Oompah, oompah”…which the Lone Ranger takes as an Indian form of “Here, here!”

On the way to pick up their horses after the speech, Tonto grabs the Lone Ranger by the arm and says, “Be careful, Kimosabe, you almost stepped in the oompah.”

Did you hear it there?

Comedian(s).

I've got some "oompah" for you boys.

We know you have..

Why isn't there an animal Olympics?


Too many cheetahs.