Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

I couldn't find a 'Funny pictures' thread, only a 'Funny signs' thread..
But if it's jokes you want, here's one-

An atheist falls over a cliff at night but manages to hang onto a branch halfway down and begins calling for help.
Suddenly a golden glow lights up the scene, choirs of angels float overhead singing, and a mighty voice booms out saying-
"I am the Lord God Almighty, creator of heaven and earth, the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end, now reach out and take my hand and I will save you"
But the atheist refuses and begins calling-
"Help, help, is there anybody else up there?"

Ding, ding, ding!

We have a winner.

Yeah--they don't come much worse than that.

Chauvinist to Woman’s Libber: "Do you know the women in the Women’s Lib movement have no sense of humor?"

Woman Libber: "No, but if you hum a few bars, I’ll try to fake it."



(It is worth noting that reply also works if the Chauvinist asks: "Do you know women in the Women’s Lib movement never have orgasms?")

A real man is a woman’s best friend.
He will never let her down.
He will comfort her after a bad day.
He will inspire her to do things she never thought she could do.
He will enable her to express her deepest emotions.
He will enable her to be confident, sexy, seductive and invincible …No, wait.
Sorry.
I’m thinking of wine.
It’s wine that does all that.
Never mind.

A priest, a Rabbi, a minister and a horse walk into a bar.

Bartender says, "What is this...a joke?"

Guy walks up to the counter and says, “Lemme have a stick of kielbasa.”

The guy behind the counter says, “Your Polish, huh?”

Customer says, “What kinda question is that? If I ordered a pizza would you ask me if I’m Italian; if I ordered a burrito would you ask me if I’m Mexican; if I ordered tea would you ask me if I’m English?”

“No,” says the guy, “but this is a hardware store.”

Ahem.

It has been brought to my notice that the source for this image, and one other, aren't visible here.

Just so you know, it's too late to edit my last post but the image is of Tony Abbott staring out of the plane window with a perfume bottle super imposed.

The ad reads

Misogyny.
A perfume for men, NOT for women.
Women should smell like dinner. And ironing.

Thank you for your attention.

You are still the master.

Not after this

<panzade bows>

You are right. I withdraw my compliment.