MooseAllain Moose Allain(retweeted by cathywilcox1)favorite
If you put a sea shell to your ear you can sometimes hear a tiny voice saying “Quick! Everybody hide! It’s the giant ear again!”.
What's the best time to go to the dentist?
Tooth Hurty!
I might have an open casket funeral...
Remains to be seen.
@Region Philbis,
Are you sure it wasn't a cat scan?
From the colbert report
The #Bible started as a diet book: Don't eat that apple; no pork. But then as Moses said God really let his people go
@hingehead,
As a kid I was made to walk the plank. We couldn't afford a dog.
@hingehead,
That's not bad, that's wonderful.
@hingehead,
I bought a ceiling fan the other day.
Complete waste of money. He just stands there applauding and saying "Ooh, I love how smooth it is."
@hingehead,
I think we have a winner!
What do you call a cat that has swallowed a duck?
A duck-filled fatty puss.
@McGentrix,
I used to work in a shoe recycling factory. It was a sole destroying job.
A blonde walked into a bar. She sat down and started chanting, " 37 days! 37 days!" The bartender asked what she was doing, but she didn't answer, just kept chanting "37 days! 37 days!"
Soon more blondes came in, all chanting "37 days! 37 days!" The bartender again asked what they were doing, and one of them held up a little kid's bunny-rabbit jigsaw puzzle and said, " The box says 2-4 years, but we put it together in 37 days!"
A woman walks into a club, and there is a ventriloquist performing. The dummy on his knee starts telling blonde jokes, when the woman jumps up and starts complaining . . .
I'm sick of this, you hear it everywhere. Blondes are supposed to dumb--well, i'm a blonde, and i'm not dumb, i have a university education and a good job!
The ventriloquist says:
Hey, Lady, calm down, it's just some jokes!
I wasn't talking to you, i was talking to that midget sitting on your knee.
@vonny,
"Blondes" don't make sense vonny. I have only ever come across one blonde in my life. "Woman" is a better word I should have thought. And I would double the number of days. At least.
And blondes don't do jigsaws either.
A redhead walks into a doctor’s office and says, “When I touch here (touching her knee)…it hurts; when I touch here (touching her jaw)…it hurts…when I touch here (touching her left wrist)…it hurts; when I touch here (touching her hip)…it hurts.
The doctor says, “You’re not really a redhead, right?”
“No,” replies the woman, “I dye my hair. Actually I’m a blonde.”
“I thought so,” says the doctor. Then he sighs and adds, “Your right index finger is broken.”
@spendius,
A personal inspection is not required to know that my down-thumber is not a blonde.
Lookout! Here come the blonde jokes!
