Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

A Buddhist monk approaches a hotdog stand and says: "Make me one with everything".

I love that one!

ditto

What about the one about alcohol not mixing with calculus... we mustn't drink and derive.

Paul was ambling through a crowded street fair when he decided to stop and sit at a Palm Reader's table. Said the mysterious old woman, "For fifteen dollars, I can read your love line and tell your romantic future."

Paul readily agreed and the reader took one look at his open palm and said, "I can see that you have no girlfriend."

"That's true," said Paul.

"Oh my goodness, you are extremely lonely, aren't you?"

"Yes," Paul shamefully admitted. "That's amazing. Can you tell all of this from my love line?"

"Love line? No, from the calluses."

A guy is at the checkout in the local grocery.

The cashier scans a tub of yogurt, a frozen meal for one, a packet of cheezy puffs, and a packet of beer nuts.

She says to the guy "You must be single."

He says "How can you tell?"

"You're as ugly as a hatful of assholes."

I don't get it.

Think; d(e)rive = math calculation.

Then there's the one about alcohol and gasoline not mixing. They do, but it tastes like crap.

Dear Dr Phil,
I was watching my next door neighbor's wife sunbathing topless from my
bedroom window.
As I was touching myself, I turned to notice my wife was just standing there,
arms folded...watching me. Is she a pervert or what?

After the Buddhist monk got his hot dog, he asked: "Where's my change?" "Ah, change comes from within."

What color is a burp ?


Burple

Two atoms are walking down the street. One atom says to the other: “Hey! I think I lost an electron!” The other says: “Are you sure?” “Yes, I’m positive!”

Why do Marx and Engels drink herbal tea? Because proper tea is theft.

Great! Hinge is the master.