In keeping with this latest trend in intellectual really bad jokes:
The wife of noted lexicographer, Noah Webster, walks in on the great man fondling the downstairs maid’s ass.
“I am surprised,” she announces in full indignation.
“No, my dear, you are astonished,” responds Webster, “It is I who am surprised.”
@cicerone imposter,
Quote:That's not only a "mouth full," but those three gentlemen are some of the great minds of our species.
It is a terrible joke that you might know that ci.
If the trend is high class, really bad jokes . . .
Reputedly, at a dinner party, a woman said to Winston Churchill:
"Winston, you're drunk!"
"Yes, Madam, but you are ugly, and in the morning, i shall be sober."
Lady Astor to WSC:
"Winston, if you were my husband, i'd put poison in your coffee."
"Madam, if you were my wife, i'd drink it."
@Setanta,
You reminded me of
John Wilkes "I predict, Sir, that you will die either by hanging or of some vile disease". The Earl of Sandwich, replied, "That all depends, sir, upon whether I embrace your principles or your mistress."
Often credited wrongly to Gladstone & Disraeli.
Back in the day, before telephones were common, people who wanted to communicate quickly would go to the nearest post office and send a telegram, which would be sent to the post office nearest the address, and then hand-delivered by a boy in uniform . . .
Telegram, George Bernard Shaw to Winston Spencer Churchill:
My dear Winston, my new play opens tomorrow evening. Two tickers held for you at box office. Come, and bring a friend, if you have one.
Telegram, WSC to GBS:
Cannot possibly attend first performance. Will attend second performance, if there is one.
@hingehead,
Them university educated types had sharp wits.
Thomas Reed, arguably the most influential Speaker of the House of Representatives, was noted for his no-nonsense approach to getting business done. One day, he recognized a member who stood and said, with some histrionic melodrama: "I was thinking, Mr. Speaker . . . I was thinking . . . "
Reed: "A commendable innovation on the part of the gentleman from Indiana. The chair recognizes the gentleman from South Carolina."
@Advocate,
Suddenly this is a no-no?
A great many of the jokes here are.
Overheard on Jay Leno
"President Obama wants Congress to increase the minimum wage. Believe me, when it comes to doing the minimum for their wage, Congress knows what it's talking about."
Snail bought a new ES car.
It was so fast turtle exclaimed "Look at the ES car go."
@panzade,
Fast food restaurant workers in our area are preparing to go on strike to demand $15/hour minimum wage. In our area, one cannot survive on $15/hour.
And what will probably prove to be one of my all time favorites, from Contagion:
Blogging is not writing. It's just graffiti with punctuation.
How many surrealists does it take to screw in a light bulb? A fish.
What does a dyslexic, agnostic, insomniac spend most of his time doing? Staying up all night wondering if there really is a dog.
Never trust an atom. They make up everything.
