@hingehead,
Finest book on punctuation in print today. And, yes, a panda is the collophon in the illustrations.
@Lustig Andrei,
Collophon. Wow, wait till I drop that into a conversation.
I should look it up before I do.
@roger,
Gertrude the Kangaroo is the collophon of Pocketbooks, roger.Remember her?
@hingehead,
hingehead wrote:
It was a wombat when I heard it.
You are thinking of the wombat that eats roots and leaves.
WIFE: What would you do if I died? Would you get married again?
HUSBAND: Definitely not!
WIFE: Why not - don't you like being married?
HUSBAND: Of course I do.
WIFE: Then why wouldn't you remarry?
HUSBAND: Okay, I'd get married again.
WIFE: You would? (With a hurtful look on her face).
HUSBAND: (Makes audible groan).
WIFE: Would you live in our house?
HUSBAND: Sure, it's a great house.
WIFE: Would you sleep with her in our bed?
HUSBAND: Where else would we sleep?
WIFE: Would you let her drive my car?
HUSBAND: Probably, it is almost new.
WIFE: Would you replace my pictures with hers?
HUSBAND: That would seem like the proper thing to do.
WIFE: Would she use my golf clubs?
HUSBAND: No, she's left-handed.
WIFE: - - - silence - - -
HUSBAND: Oh ****
@Region Philbis,
That was particularly bad, and therefore, prime material for this thread.
@cherrie,
Na, eat roots, shoots and leaves.
@Lustig Andrei,
Yeah, but that joke predates the book by decades.
PS if you guys are gonna use odd library words at least spell them right
COLOPHON
Or you'll never get a festschrift.
Two old ladies are outside their nursing home, having a drink and a smoke, when it starts to rain. One of the old ladies pulls out a condom, cuts off the end, puts it over her cigarette, and continues smoking.
Maude : What the hell is that?
Mable : A condom. This way my cigarette doesn’t get wet.
Maude : Where did you get it?
Mable : You can get them at any drugstore.
The next day, Maude hobbles off to the local drugstore and announces to the pharmacist that she wants a box of condoms.
The pharmacist, obviously embarrassed, looks at her kind of strangely, (she is after all, over 80 years of age), but very delicately asks what brand of condom she prefers.
"Doesn't matter Sonny, as long as it fits on a Camel."
@vonny,
We are supposed to be posting bad jokes, not old ones.
@Advocate,
New to me - and, to me, really bad!
@vonny,
BS -- virtually everyone of your jokes is old.
@vonny,
Don't worry about Advocate, nobody else does.
A man gets home steaming drunk, and before he can go anything about it throws up all over the kitchen floor, including the cat asleep in its bed.
The drunk looks down at the cat covered in sick and thinks, 'Funny, I don't remember eating that.'
@izzythepush,
I laughed there.....
can't have been a bad enough joke!
@izzythepush,
And that's just what it takes to bring up the up-chuck reflex in full force.
@izzythepush,
Quote:Don't worry about Advocate, nobody else does.
Thanks - I won't! Anyway, the title of this thread says nothing about 'new' jokes! So here's an oldie but baddie ...
Pavlov is enjoying a pint in the pub. The phone rings. He jumps up and shouts: "Hell, I forgot to feed the dog!"
@izzythepush,
izzythepush wrote:
Don't worry about Advocate, nobody else does.
A man gets home steaming drunk, and before he can go anything about it throws up all over the kitchen floor, including the cat asleep in its bed.
The drunk looks down at the cat covered in sick and thinks, 'Funny, I don't remember eating that.'
Don't get over confident from Izzy's support. Izzy is our number one liar.
@Advocate,
Hey, I got one!
(Q) What do you call someone who treats ordinary pals like his bitter enemies?
(A)
Advocate!
