Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Which is what the actress said to the bishop.

Hi Debacle. Google the Mandelbrot set and then get back to me.

Cheers,

spike

I'm familiar with that that particular fractal set. I used to have a small bit of code that would create it. But I've forgotten it.

Here's an original bad joke.


"Aaron Hernandez said that he never met a guy he didn't want to shoot."

Then you probably should have 'got" the joke. I think I should have put it in the Nerd thread.



Prince Charles is visiting an Edinburgh hospital. He enters a ward full of patients with no obvious sign of injury or illness and greets one. The patient replies:

"Fair fa your honest sonsie face, Great chieftain o the puddin race, Aboon them a ye take yer place, Painch, tripe or thairm, As langs my airm."

HRH is confused, so he just smiles and moves on to the next patient.

The patient responds:
"Some hae meat an canna eat, And some wad eat that want it, But we hae meat an we can eat, So let the Lord be thankit."

Even more confused, the Prince moves on to the next patient, who immediately begins to chant:
"Wee sleekit, cowerin, timrous beasty, O the panic in thy breasty, Thou needna start awa sae hastie, Wi bickering brattle."

Now seriously troubled, Charles turns to the accompanying doctor and asks, "Is this a psychiatric ward?"

"No," replies the doctor, "This is the serious Burns unit."

Awesomely bad!

Seen on twitter

jonnysun jomny sun(retweeted by mariekehardy)
first rule of fight club is no fightig. welcom to contradicton club evryone hav a seat adn dont hav a seat. also this isnt contradicton club

Aye, and speaking of nerds, the bonnie prince should spend less time at Balmoral and mair in Ayrshire. Grand joke!

A cowboy named Bud was overseeing his herd in a remote mountainous pasture in Montana when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced toward him out of a cloud of dust.

The driver, a young man in a Brioni® suit, Gucci® shoes, RayBan® sunglasses and YSL® tie, leaned out the window and asked the cowboy, "If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?"

Bud looks at the man, who obviously is a yuppie, then looks at his peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell® notebook computer, connects it to his Cingular RAZR V3® cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite to get an exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellite that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop® and exports it to an image processing facility in Hamburg, Germany ...
Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot® that the image has been processed and the data stored. He then accesses an MS-SQL® database through an ODBC connected Excel® spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry® and, after a few minutes, receives a response.
Finally, he prints out a full-colro, 150-page report on his hi-tech, miniaturized HP LaserJet® printer, turns to the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says Bud. He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on with amusement as the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Bud says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why not?"

"You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says Bud.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required," answered the cowboy. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You used millions of dollars worth of equipment trying to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't know a thing about how working people make a living - or about cows, for that matter. This is a herd of sheep.... Now give me back my dog."

How did anybody know what kind of shoes he was wearing?

It's like the Bible, this joke. You gotta trust me that they were Guccis.

My mom's over 80 years old and she doesn't use glasses


0000000000drinks right out of the bottle

As we age, we take shortcuts as much as possible.

You win. That's the worst one yet.

glad you hated it...

I second your vote.

A man walks into a convenience store. He asks the clerk for some help finding a drink.

"Well," he says, "we have two drinks that are popular, called 'Wet' and 'Dry'."

"What's the difference?" the man asks.

"When you drink 'Wet' it quenches your thirst totally for a very long time, but you sweat like a pig for hours afterward. 'Dry' will quench your thirst fine, but in a half-hour you will be thirsty again. However, you won't sweat at all."

So the man looks back and forth at both products for a while and finally tells the clerk, "I'm really, really thirsty, but I think I take a can a da 'Dry'."