@hingehead,
The midget walks into the bar, and tells the bartender, "give me a tall one!"
@Region Philbis,
Talk about having too much time on his hands?
only the British can be that funny and crazy at the same time !
( Mrs. Brown and the condom - you have been warned ! )
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zqIEZCRjR_A
What's the difference between an oyster shucker with epilepsy and a prostitute with diarrhea?
The first shucks between fits....
Imagine a bad joke from Woody Allen:
Woody Allen: "I'm a little worried about my brother; he thinks he's a chicken."
Counselor: "Have you thought about getting him some help?"
Woody Allen: "I've considered that, but we need the eggs."
Every once in a while, a little bit of historical trivia comes to light.
Did you know???? The Goldberg Brothers - The Inventors of the Automobile Air Conditioner. Here's a little factoid for automotive buffs or just to dazzle your friends.
The four Goldberg brothers, Lowell, Norman, Hiram, and Maxwell, invented and developed the first automobile air-conditioner.
On July 17, 1946, the temperature in Detroit was 97 degrees. The four brothers walked into old man Henry Ford's office and sweet-talked his secretary into telling him that four gentlemen were there with the most exciting innovation in the auto industry since the electric starter. Henry was curious and invited them into his office.
They refused and instead asked that he come out to the parking lot to their car. They persuaded him to get into the car, which was about 130 degrees, turned on the air conditioner, and cooled the car off immediately. The old man got very excited and invited them back to the office, where he offered them $3 million for the patent.
The brothers refused, saying they would settle for $2 million, but they wanted the recognition by having a label, 'The Goldberg Air-Conditioner,' on the dashboard of each car in which it was installed. Now old man Ford was more than just a little anti - Semitic, and there was no way he was going to put the Goldberg's name on two million Fords.
They haggled back and forth for about two hours and finally agreed on $4 million and that just their first names would be shown. And so to this day, all Ford air conditioners show -- Lo, Norm, Hi, and Max -- on the controls.
@DrewDad,
The post I was replying to got pulled
A little old manshuffled slowly into an ice cream parlor and pulled himself slowly, painfully, up onto a stool.. After catching his breath, he ordered a banana split.
> The waitress asked kindly, 'Crushed nuts?'
> 'No,' he replied, 'Arthritis.'
The Indian With One Testicle
There once was an Indian who had only one testicle
and whose given name was 'Onestone'.
He hated that name and asked everyone not to call him Onestone.
After years and years of torment,
Onestone finally cracked and said,'
If anyone calls me Onestone again I will kill them!'
The word got around and nobody called him that any more.
Then one day a young woman named Blue Bird forgot and said,
'Good morning, Onestone.'
He jumped up, grabbed her and took her deep into the forest where he made love to her all day and all night.
He made love to her all the next day,
until Blue Bird died from exhaustion.
The word got around that Onestone meant what he promised he would do.
Years went by and no one dared call him by his given name until
a woman named Yellow Bird returned to the village after being away.
Yellow Bird, who was Blue Bird's cousin,
was overjoyed when she saw Onestone.
She hugged him and said, 'Good to see you, Onestone.'
Onestone grabbed her, took her deep into the forest,
then he made love to her all day,
made love to her all night,
made love to her all the next day,
made love to her all the next night, but Yellow Bird wouldn't die!
Why ???
OH, come on... take a guess !!!
Think about it !!!
You're going to love this !!!
Everyone knows...
You can't kill Two Birds
with OneStone!!!
@Advocate,
That's it. Next time I see you, I'm a-gonna kill you.
@Lustig Andrei,
Thank you for the good words. Obviously, my "joke" hit home.
Bathtub Test
During a visit to my doctor, I asked him, "How do you determine whether or not an older person should be put in a Long-Term Care Home?"
"Well," he said, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the person ~ to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," I said. "A normal person would use the bucket because it is bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No" he said. "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
ARE YOU GOING TO PASS THIS ON … OR DO YOU WANT THE BED NEXT TO MINE?
@timur,
Regis, congratulations! That was truly bad.
Timur's response was puntastic
