209
   

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

 
 
izzythepush
 
  3  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 03:51 pm
What's got two legs and bleeds?





Half a dog.
0 Replies
 
Lustig Andrei
 
  2  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 04:13 pm
What's the scariest beast in the Amazon rain forest?




A duck carrying an AK47.
0 Replies
 
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 05:31 pm
You guys are on fire - or should be.
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 06:36 pm
@hingehead,
How do you smoke a cigar?

You light it.
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 07:31 pm
@cicerone imposter,
Two guys on a boat with three cigarettes and no matches, how do they manage to smoke?

They throw one cigarette overboard and make the boat a cigarette lighter.

Thank you Batman and Robin circa 1965
Sharkey
 
  3  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 08:37 pm
@hingehead,
When they said I was average, they were just being mean.
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  4  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 09:14 pm

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash3/62109_618302488199208_757629954_n.jpg
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  4  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 09:15 pm

https://sphotos-a.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/226936_617566128272844_1978787680_n.jpg
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Thu 28 Feb, 2013 10:39 pm
@Region Philbis,
http://sphotos-b.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-prn1/523499_277192755728067_1519404736_n.jpg
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Fri 1 Mar, 2013 07:05 am
http://sphotos-h.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-ash4/285663_495158713874661_1495384234_n.jpg
hingehead
 
  2  
Reply Fri 1 Mar, 2013 07:50 am
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me - FRED ALLEN
0 Replies
 
Advocate
 
  4  
Reply Fri 1 Mar, 2013 10:13 am
Three visitors to London climb up the tower that houses Big Ben and decide to have a contest. They're going to throw their watches off the top, run down the stairs and try to catch the watches before they hit the ground.

The first tourist throws his watch, takes three steps and hears his watch crash. The second throws his watch and takes only two steps when he hears his watch shatter.

The third tosses his watch off the tower, jogs down the stairs, goes to a candy store, buys a snack, walks back to Big Ben and catches his watch. "How did you do that?" asks one of his friends.

"My watch is 30 minutes slow."
Advocate
 
  1  
Reply Fri 1 Mar, 2013 10:14 am
@hingehead,
Ouch!!!!!!!!!
0 Replies
 
cicerone imposter
 
  1  
Reply Fri 1 Mar, 2013 02:02 pm
@Advocate,
I'm going to "try" to remember that one! LOL
0 Replies
 
Lustig Andrei
 
  3  
Reply Fri 1 Mar, 2013 03:31 pm
@hingehead,
My understanding is that J.S. Bach fathered so many children because he had no stops on his organ.
hingehead
 
  3  
Reply Fri 1 Mar, 2013 04:29 pm
@Lustig Andrei,
http://sphotos-a.ak.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ak-snc7/482796_461126817294699_796553612_n.jpg
0 Replies
 
Advocate
 
  5  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 02:13 pm
A monastery decided to start a fish and chips store. When the store opened, a client comes in, and asks one of the clerics: are you the fish fryer? Oh, no, the cleric answers, I'm the chip monk!
0 Replies
 
Roberta
 
  7  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 03:05 pm
Hymie the nebbish led a life of quiet desperation in a small town in the old country. Nothing he did turned out right. He couldn't catch a break.

Every morning he would slice a piece of bread from the loaf. Every morning he buttered the bread. And every morning the bread fell, butter side down, to the floor.

This particular day, Hymie awoke and dressed as usual. He sliced the loaf of bread and buttered the slice. The slice fell to the floor. But this time it was different. Butter side up!

Hymie was astonished and ecstatic. Butter side up! Could this be a sign that his life was changing for the better. That things would improve? He rushed off to consult with the village rabbi. Hymie needed the rabbi's insight and wisdom.

He arrived at the rabbi's home in a state of excitement. He was welcomed and explained to the rabbi what had happened. "Every day for years, rabbi, the bread landed butter side down. But today it was butter side up. Is this a sign?"

The rabbi pondered and then spoke. "My son. What this means is that you buttered the wrong side of the bread."

Advocate
 
  2  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 04:58 pm
@Roberta,
Oy veh!
0 Replies
 
Region Philbis
 
  3  
Reply Sat 2 Mar, 2013 06:42 pm

https://sphotos-b.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-ash4/295655_457104994363289_1380985230_n.jpg
 

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