Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Yeah, I'm with you.

Now, Mame, you said you don't want us to be afraid to post here.

whatever

A bit of an over-reaction to what is supposed to be a really bad joke, don't you think?

probably. Slow day.

That belongs on the Geeks & Nerds thread, Irish.

The groan factor led me here

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain during a root canal? His goal: transcend dental medication.

They're gettin' worse, kiddo.

Oh, yeah, that's right -- this is the bad jokes thread.

Carry on.

THE BLONDE
Buys a new automatic Jaguar XKR Sport.
She drives the car perfectly well during the day, but at night, the car just won't move at all.
After trying to drive the car at night for a
week (but without any luck), she furiously
calls the Jaguar dealers and they send out a
technician to her.
The technician examines the car and finds
nothing wrong with it. So he turns to the blonde and asks: "Ma'am, are you sure you are using the right gears?"
Full of anger, the blonde replies:
"You fool, you idiot, how on earth you could ask
such a question? I'm not stupid you know!
Of course I am using the right gears;
I use D during the day and N at night."

You Might Be a Redneck Elf If...

1. You bought your enchanted sword at K-Mart.
2. You notch your ears for every dwarf you've taken down.
3. Your sword has the words "Craftsman" printed on it.
4. The only ranger you know is made by Ford.
5. You live in a double wide tree house.
6. The porch of your tree house collapses and kills more than 4 cooshee.
7. You've ever used a homemade still to brew fey-whiskey.
8. You know every animal in the forest...literally.
9. Your lyre is a banjo.
10. You've ever played "dueling lyres."
11. If orcs are afraid to walk by your house.
12. If you've ever said, "Squeal like a hydra, fat boy!"
13. If your version of casting a fireball or magic missile involves lighting a fart.
14. If you have a velvet painting of Elric.
15. If your elven boots are blue suede.
16. If your wallet is on a chain and your cooshee isn't.
17. If you've ever said, "Hobbit, you've got a pretty mouth."
18. If your mana is grits.
19. If you know more than 3 ways to roast a unicorn.
20. If you've ever fully executed the "pull my wand" joke.
21. If you were married in a crossbow wedding.
22. If your crossbow is a 12-gauge.
23. You buy grog in 12 packs.
24. If your answer to, "How do you keep orcs out of the backyard?" is "Hang one in the front."
25. If you've ever gone Balrog tipping.
26. There's a sign in your window that says, "If this tree's a rocking, don't come a knocking."
27. If goblins say you're messy and smell bad.
28. You've ever mowed your lawn and found a dragon horde.
29. If your ceremonial robes are polyester.
30. Your place of worship has a spittoon and a two drink minimum.

This just in..........The paralympics have barely started and already 10 wheelchair athletes have been banned after being tested positive for WD40

One I like to use on chicks at a party

I think the waiter slipped something in my drink.Would you mind tasting it?

I'm going to forgive how I met your mother and the big bang theory because wolowitz knows **** about sex and the other show has an openly gay actor playing the womanizer. Neither of these should be in bad jokes squeak, both offer painful truths. Thanks.