350-pound stripper
What do you call a 350-pound stripper?
Broke!
LOL! These are supposed to be bad!
This joke is bad!
How do you make a hormone?
Don't pay her!
What does an English major say after graduating cum laude?
"You want fries with that?"
(I was an English major, though not cum laude.)
isn't cum laude latin for 'with fries'?
A man appears before St. Peter at the pearly gates.
"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" St. Peter asks.
"Well, I can think of one thing," the man offers. "Once, on a trip to the Black Hills, out in South Dakota, I came upon a gang of high-testosterone bikers who were threatening a young woman. I directed them to leave her alone, but they wouldn't listen. So I approached the largest and most heavily tattooed biker. I smacked him on the head, kicked his bike over, ripped out his nose ring and threw it on the ground, and told him,'Leave her alone now or you'll answer to me.' "
St. Peter was impressed. "When did this happen?"
"Just a few minutes ago."
How could I forget this one?
A piece of road walks into a bar and declares to all its occupants: "I'm the hardest bit of bitumen in the whole of this town!" The piano player stops and the bar goes deadly silent. After a brief pause, all eyes drop, the pianist returns to playing and the piece of road pulls up a bar stool and settles down to a beer.
Five minutes later, a piece of dual carriageway throws open the bar door. Once again, the bar goes silent but for the creaking of the slow-moving overhead fans. The dual carriageway declares: "I'm the toughest piece of bitumen you'll ever see this side of the border and I don't take crap from anyone!" The piece of road slowly turns and locks eyes with the piece of dual carriageway. The tension mounts, other drinkers scatter and take cover.
At that precise moment, in walks a piece of freeway which says: "I'm the hardest bit of bitumen in the whole damn country and I'll take you both on!"
And there they stood in a three-way Mexican stand-off for what seemed like an eternity.
Once again, the door opens and, into the middle of the stand-off, walks a strange-looking piece of colored bitumen with a blue stripe. The other three turn their backs to the door, sit down at the bar and stare sheepishly into their drinks.
The bartender asks the three pieces of bitumen what the problem is, and they reply: "Shhhh. Watch what you say, that bloke's a real cycle path."
That is an incredibly stupid joke, Thanks!
Grrooooaaaannn ...
<cant stop giggling anyway>
OK, in the same category, this one:
Three legionnaires are lost in the desert. As well as being parched with thirst, they are extremely hungry.
Suddenly one of them spots a tree with rashers of bacon hanging from its branches. He dashes towards it, as one companion shouts: "For God's sake don't go there! Come back!" Suddenly he is cut down by a hail of gunfire.
The second soldier turns to the third and says: "I tried to warn him. That wasn't a bacon tree, it was an ambush."
Paddy was walking home late at night from the pub and sees a woman in
the shadows. "Twenty quid." she whispers. He'd never been with a hooker before, but he decides what the heck, it's only twenty quid. So they hide in the bushes.
They're going "at it" for a couple of minutes when all of a sudden a light flashes on them, --- it's a police officer.
"What's going on here, people?" asks the officer.
"I'm making love to my wife," Paddy answers indignantly.
"Oh, I'm sorry," says the policeman, "I didn't know."
"Well," says Paddy, "neither did I, until you shined that light in her face."
A man enters his doctor's surgery. He wears no clothes but is wrapped from head to toe in cling-film.
"Well," says the doctor, "I can clearly see you're nuts."
Why did Santa make a lousy pimp?
He kept giving away his Ho Ho Hos.
What did Santa say when the bottom fell out of his sleigh?
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA
why did the chicken cross the road?
coz it just wanted to.
Two weasels are sitting on a barstool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, "I slept with your mother!" The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, "I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!" The other says, "Go home dad, you're drunk.
The new doctor
A woman went to her doctor's office. She was seen by one of the new doctors, but after about 4 minutes in the examination room, she burst out screaming and ran down the hall.
An older doctor stopped her and asked what the problem was, and she explained. He had her sit down and relax in another room.
The older doctor marched back to the first and demanded, "What's the matter with you? Mrs. Terry is 63 years old, she has four grown children and seven grandchildren, and you told her she was pregnant?"
The new doctor smiled smugly as he continued to write on his clipboard.
"Cured her hiccups though, didn't it?"
Went out on the piss last night with Saddam Hussein, you should see the state of him this morning, he's f*cking hanging!
Two blondes wanted to go the beach. They followed the signs to the seashore until they came to a sign which said BEACH LEFT. So they went back home.
