Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

What's the difference between a washing machine and your mom?

A washing machine doesn't follow me around for three weeks after I drop a load in it.

0 Replies

@thack45,

No, but a female troll is a trollop.

If you haven't read Robert Asprin's Mything Series, you might not appreciate that bit of wisdom.

1 Reply

@roger,

That reminded me of the girl who asked her mother, "I've been an adolescent for a couple of years now, when will I be old enough to be considered an adulteress?"

1 Reply

@Lustig Andrei,

Quote:

The Insemination Man is coming
Mary, a blonde city girl, marries an older New Zealand dairy farmer. One morning, on his way out to check on the cows, old farmer John says to Mary, 'The insemination man is coming over to impregnate one of our cows today. I drove a nail into the 2 by 4 just above the cow's stall in the barn. You show him where the cow is when he gets here, OK?' So then the farmer leaves for the fields. After a while, the artificial insemination man arrives and knocks on the front door. Mary takes him down to the barn. They walk along the row of cows and when she sees the nail, she tells him, 'This is the one... right here.' Terribly impressed by what he seemed to think just might be another ditzy old blonde gal, the man asks, 'Tell me lady, how did you know this is the cow to be bred?' That's simple. By the nail over its stall', Mary explains very confidently. Then the man asks, 'What's the nail for?' She turns and walks away, and with complete confidence, says, 'I guess it's to hang your trousers on.'

0 Replies

@Mame,

What's the best camp in the entire world?

Camp Auschwitz, 6 million stars.. (:

0 Replies

2 Replies

@Region Philbis,

hah!

http://www.octequila.com/

0 Replies

@Region Philbis,

Where is this place, Region? Do youknow?

2 Replies

@Lustig Andrei,

Ocean City, Maryland.

0 Replies

@Lustig Andrei,

my link tells more about it..

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

Thank you both

1 Reply

@Lustig Andrei,

Welcome.

1 Reply

@ossobuco,

Visit conjunctivitis.com – it’s a site for sore eyes

0 Replies

http://i1176.photobucket.com/albums/x336/RegionPhilbis/GofW.jpg

0 Replies

http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m4puwsVxgP1r90ooxo1_500.jpg

0 Replies

Quote:

Wall Street 587 up, 241 down
May 31, 2012 Urban Word of the Day

1. The biggest casino in the world for people of Main Street (bigger than Las Vegas).
2. A term used to describe the area for Day Traders in downtown New York, where people buy and sell mostly for emotional reasons.

1. (two average Joes on Main Street)
John: I diversify my investments by spreading my dollars across many stocks.
Steve: Don't you realize you're gambling?
John: My stock broker says I'm not gambling.
Steve: Technically you're not gambling, but your stock broker is.

2. (two brokers on Wall Street)
Trever: Did you hear apple supply is up this year?
Dave: Sell! Sell! Sell!
Tever: But you didn't let me finish my ...
Dave: Buy! Buy! Buy!

http://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=Wall%20Street&defid=3745871

1 Reply

@tsarstepan,

Lustig Andrei wrote:

If a vodka and orange juice is called a Screwdriver, what would you call vodka and prune juice? A Piledriver?

And what do you call vodka mixed with milk of magnesia? A Philipps Screwdriver?

http://able2know.org/topic/191374-3#post-4999598

0 Replies

An older lady decided to give herself a big treat for her significant 70th birthday by staying overnight in an expensive hotel.
When she checked out next morning, the desk clerk handed her a bill for $250.00.

She exploded and demanded to know why the charge was so high. "It's a nice hotel but the rooms certainly aren't worth $250.00 for just an overnight stay! I didn't even have breakfast."
The clerk told her that $250.00 is the standard rate, so she insisted on speaking to the Manager.

The Manager appeared and, forewarned by the desk clerk, announced: "This hotel has an Olympic-sized pool and a huge conference center which are available for use."
"But I didn't use them." she said.
"Well, they are here, and you could have." explained the Manager.

He went on to explain that she could also have seen one of the in-hotel shows for which the hotel is famous. "We have the best entertainers from the world over performing here." the Manager said.
"But I didn't go to any of those shows." she said.
"Well, we have them, and you could have." the Manager replied.

No matter what amenity the Manager mentioned, she replied, "But I didn't use it!" and the Manager countered with his standard response.

After several minutes discussion with the Manager unmoved, she decided to pay, wrote a check and gave it to him.
The Manager was surprised when he looked at the check. "But madam, this check is for only $50.00."

"That's correct. I charged you $200.00 for sleeping with me." she replied.

"But I didn't!" exclaims the very surprised Manager.

"Well, too bad, I was here, and you could have."

Don't mess with Senior Citizens.

1 Reply

@Phoenix32890,

BAD DEAL.

Keen for some female companionship in a strange new city, the young salesman headed to a swanky pub and struck up a conversation with the barman, who suggested the blonde in the corner was a good chance.

He went over, introduced himself and soon the two were getting on like a house on fire. When he offered to buy her dinner at the expensive restaurant across the road, she quickly accepted.

The blonde glanced at the menue and ordered practically everything on there.

"Do you always eat this much?" asked the horrified salesman, thinking about the bill.

The blond replied sweetly. "Only when I've got my period."

1 Reply

http://i1176.photobucket.com/albums/x336/RegionPhilbis/batmo.jpg

0 Replies

Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Related Topics

Quick Links

My Account

able2know