Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

Tottenham Hotspur have signed a new striker. Grabatelli.

<snicker>

A mother and her young son were flying Southwest Airlines from
Kansas City to Chicago . The little boy, who had been looking out the
window, turned to his mother and asked, 'If big dogs have baby dogs
and big cats have baby cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'

The mother, who couldn't think of an answer, told her son to
ask the flight attendant. So the boy went down the aisle and asked the
flight attendant, 'If big dogs have baby dogs and big cats have baby
cats, why don't big planes have baby planes?'

The busy flight attendant smiled and said, 'Did your mother
tell you to ask me?'

The boy said, 'Yes, she did.'

'Well then, you go and tell your mother that there are no baby
planes because Southwest always pulls out on time. And then ask her to
explain that to you.

SHORT-CHANGED
A woman comes home and finds her husband in bed with a female midget. Furious, she screams, "You promised you wouldn't cheat again!"
The husband replies, "For **** sake! Can't you see I'm trying to cut down?"

Guy walks into a bar with a steering wheel in his pants.

Bartender says "you know you got a steering wheel in your pants?"

Guy says, "yeah, I know... it's driving me nuts!"

***

Little Johnny farts aloud in the Chruch. His father scolds him for not been able to control it.

"But how can I control my lungs from getting punctured in my stomach dad?", Johnny said irritably.

Mom: Knock Knock!
Me: Who's there?
Mom: interrupting cow.
Me (sighing): Interrupting cow who?
Silence.
Mom: Damn!

grin

granny being visited in seniors' home by the family .

anxious daughter : " have you made any new friends here ? " .

granny : " oh , yes . i have made two new friends already .
every morning al zheimer drops by for a visit and in the evening art hritis goes to bed with me " .

A very tall man walks into a bar, and a lady recognizes him as real Rugby player. They start to talk and eventually go back to his place.

They start to kiss, and the man takes off his shirt. On his arm, he has a tattoo that says REEBOK.

"What's that for?" the lady questions.

"Oh, I have this so that when I'm on TV, people will see my tattoo, and Reebok pays me."

Then the man takes off his trousers, and on his leg, he has a tattoo that says NIKE.

'What's that ?' the lady questions again.

"Just like the Reebok tattoo, I get paid when this tattoo is seen on TV."

Then the man drops his underwear and on his penis he has a tattoo that says AIDS.

The lady screams: "Don't tell me you have AIDS!"

The man replies: "No, no...!!! Calm down...!!!

It will say ADIDAS in a minute."

dutchy :
the way i remember the joke - and it's a loooong time ago - an old sailor was admitted to a hospital .
the elderly night-nurse told the young day- nurse that he sailor's tattoo read ADAM but the young nurse managed to read AMSTERDAM !!!



( here in canada SWAN will eventually read SASKETCHAWAN - it's a loooong story i'd say )

Way too good for this thread! What the hell you were you thinking, D? Now smarten up and fly right, boyo!

Two young businessmen in Florida were sitting down for a break in their soon-to-be new store in the shopping mall. As yet, the store wasn't ready,with only a few shelves and display racks set up.

One said to the other, "I'll bet that any minute now some senior is going to walk by, put his face to the window, and ask if we're open."

Sure enough, just a moment later, a curious senior gentleman walked up to the window, looked around intensely and rapped on the glass, then in a loud voice asked, "What are you sellin' here?"

One of the men replied sarcastically, "We're selling assholes."

Without skipping a beat, the old timer said, "You must be doing well. Only two left!"

Actually Dutch the original is of a matron telling a young nurse that the man in the end bed has LUDO tattoed on his cock. The young nurse informs her that it is LLANDUDNO.

What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anyone can roast beef.

Oh my spendius, that's a kiddie joke! You've been around 6 year olds lately?

I don't like telling you my grown up jokes Cal because they might make you blush all over.

In my new pub, I have relocated about a mile, there are a few epsilon minuses.

Anyway-the jokes are supposed to be bad.

You're right, they're supposed to be bad.

I'll go to your British thread to hear all about the new pub.

That thread's more or less defunct. The new pub is very old fashioned. I don't mean made over old fashioned. The ladies in my old pub did attempt a degree of sophistication but they don't in this one. One of them brings to mind that squeaky bimbo in The Man With Two Brains whose body was what Dr Hfuhruhurr was after. Some of the cackling is deplorable.

And the beer is 30 pence a pint cheaper.

What do you get from a pampered cow?

Spoiled milk.

Q. Why don't guys like to preform oral sex on a woman the morning after sex?
A. Have you ever tried pulling apart a grilled cheese sandwich?