what do you get when you cross winter with a witch?
a cold spell.
What do you get when you cross a chicken with a flea?
An itchy cock.
What do you get when you cross a computer with a prude?
A terminal that never goes down.
What do you call a dog with no legs?
Whatever you want, it won't come anyway.
urgh - that reminds me of this chain joke
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no f*cking idea.
What do you call a man with no balls?
Bush
hingehead wrote:urgh - that reminds me of this chain joke
What do you call a deer with no eyes?
No idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?
Still no idea.
What do you call a deer with no eyes, no legs and no genitals?
Still no f*cking idea.
That must be a Kennedy family joke...
What's the difference between a baby and a seagull?
One flits along the shore, the other sh*t's along the floor.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------
What's the difference between a counterfeit dollar and Twiggy?
One's a phoney buck, the other's a ...........................
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What's the difference between a vicar and a woman having a bath?
One has a soul full of hope, the other has ..........................
What's the difference between and oyster shucker with epilepsy and prostitute with diarrhoea?
One shucks between fits and the other...
Too perfect not to pass on!!
Subject: Fw: One Bush to another
Bush Senior: "Son, you're making the same mistake in
Iraq that I made with your mother. I didn't pull out
in time..."
Saw a sign that's had me laughing all day....
WOULD SOMEBODY PLEASE GIVE BUSH
A BLOWJOB SO WE CAN IMPEACH HIM?
Just heard this one on the final Glasshouse
What's the best thing about being addicted to ice?
ONLY TWO SLEEPS TILL CHRISTMAS!
A farmer named Cooter had a bad car accident. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning Cooter.
'Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine'?' asked the lawyer.
Cooter responded, 'Well, I'll tell you what happened I had just loaded my favorite mule, Bessie, into the .. ...'
'I didn't ask for any details,' the lawyer interrupted. 'Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, 'I'm fine!'?"
Cooter said, 'Well, I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road. . . '
The lawyer interrupted again and said, 'Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman o n the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question, 'yes' or 'no'."
By this time, the Judge was fairly interested in Cooter's answer and said to the lawyer, 'I'd like to hear what he has to say about his favorite mule, Bessie.'
Cooter thanked the Judge and proceeded, 'Well, as I was saying, I had just loaded Bessie, my favorite mule,
into the trailer and was driving her down the highway when this huge semi-truck and trailer ran the stop sign and smacked my truck right in the side. I was thrown into one ditch and Bessie was thrown into the other. I was hurting real bad and didn't want to move. However, I could hear ole Bessie moaning and groaning. I knew she was in terrible shape just by her moans.'
'Shortly after the accident, a patrol man came on the scene. He could hear Bessie moaning and groaning so he went over to her. After he looked at her, he took out his gun and shot her between the eyes. Then the Patrolman came across the road, gun in hand, looked at me, and said, 'How are you feeling?'
'Now, what the hell would you say????'
Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.
After a while, one guy looks at the other and says, "I can't help but think, from listening to you, that you're from Ireland."
The other guy responds proudly, "Yes, that I am!"
The first guy says, "So am I! And where abouts from Ireland might you be?"
The other guy answers, "I'm from Dublin, I am."
The first guy responds, "Sure and begora, and so am I! And what street did you live on in Dublin?"
The other guy says, "A lovely little area it was, I lived on McCleary Street in the old central part of town."
The first guy says, "Faith & it's a small world, so did I! And to what school would you have been going?"
The other guy answers, "Well now, I went to St. Mary's of course."
The first guy gets really excited, and says, "And so did I. Tell me, what year did you graduate?"
The other guy answers, "Well, now, I graduated in 1964."
The first guy exclaims, "The Good Lord must be smiling down upon us! I can hardly believe our good luck at winding up in the same bar tonight. Can you believe it, I graduated from St. Mary's in 1964 my own self."
About this time, another guy walks into the bar, sits down, and orders a beer.
The bartender walks over shaking his head & mutters, "It's going to be a long night tonight, the Murphy twins are drunk again."
Roger is buying his cousin's used motorcycle. He says, "My God, it's so shiny! It's like new! What's your secret?" His cousin says, "Well, any time it's about to rain, I coat the chrome with some Vaseline so it won't tarnish. In fact, I won't be needing this any longer, take my tube."
Roger and his girlfriend are going to her parents' house for dinner for the first time, so he goes to pick her up on the motorcycle.
As she's getting on the bike behind him, she says, "Listen, I have to tell you something. My family's a little strange. You can't talk during dinner. If you talk during dinner, you have to do the dishes."
When they walk into her parents' house, not only in the kitchen, but in the dining room, the living room, on the stairs, the back porch, everywhere, there are piles and piles of dirty dishes. They haven't done the dishes in months.
They sit down to eat, and the whole meal, nobody talks.
It's the end of the meal, Roger is getting a little horny, and he figures nobody is going to say anything, so he grabs his girlfriend, and pops! her right there on the dining room table. Nobody says nothing.
He's still a little horny, and her mother is kind of cute, so he figures, "What the hell?" He throws her mother up on the table and starts to do her.
He's just about done with her, when he looks out the window and sees it's starting to rain on his motorcycle. He reaches into his pocket and takes out the tube of Vaseline.
Her father jumps up and says, "All right, all right, I'll do the ******* dishes."
A man is eating in a fancy restaurant and there is a gorgeous blond eating at the next table. He has been checking her out all night, but lacks the nerve to go talk to her. Suddenly she sneezes and her glass eye comes flying out of her socket towards the man. He reflexively grabs and snatches it out of the air.
"Oh my god, I am sooo sorry," the woman says as she pops her eye back into place. "Let me buy you dinner to make it up to you."
They enjoy a wonderful dinner together and afterwards the woman invites him to the theater followed by drinks. After paying for everything, she asks him if he would like to come to breakfast the next morning.
When he arrives the next morning, she has cooked a gourmet meal with all the trimmings. The guy is amazed!!
"You know, you are the perfect woman. Are you this nice to every guy you meet?"
"No", she replies...
"You just happened to catch my eye."
i have to say this is probably the worst joke i have ever heard. i even doubted it was a joke:
what friendship never sinks? friendship
rockpie wrote:i have to say this is probably the worst joke i have ever heard. i even doubted it was a joke:
what friendship never sinks? friendship
it is certainly the worst telling of a joke
i've never heard the joke before, but i'm pretty sure it sould read
what kind of ship never sinks
friendship
