Really bad jokes - don't be afraid to post yours here

This isn't really a joke, but something I like to say after torturing someone with constant bad jokes is:

I'm sorry, (Insert Name). I'll try to go over easy on you with all of the yolks (jokes) !

I dunno...
aack, blush, I missed the answer.
welcome, Paddle.

Thanks!

I have a seeming primitive brain for retaining and telling jokes. I remember when I was a teen being astounded that people could do that, tell jokes. Especially the long ones. The good news is that I enjoy them. Although I now remember my uncle Paul telling one over and over, now nostalgically. Something about a duck. If a duck...

Osso, I was the same way. I wondered how people remembered jokes. Then tonight for the first time in my life I told a joke....the one I posted here about Eve. I told it right and the two men didn't crack a smile but the woman high-fived me and laughed for a while.

Maybe I have to learn when to tell a joke and when not to...

I actually chuckled at that joke. That's where I believe tensions and problems continue in societies (both domestic and internationally), people just need to learn how to laugh at themselves. But then again, I do have a pretty sick and demented sense of humor.

What I really want is a good white/cracker joke... I may be white but I got a good laugh with the first and only white joke I've ever heard.

What do you call a white man on fire?

Answer: A firecracker!

Not a white joke, but not quite pc - (stolen from Stephen Fry's QI show)

What goes 'Woof Woof BOOM'?




















A terrierist.

The worst air disaster occurred earlier today in Ireland when a Cessna 152, a small two-seater plane, crashed into a local cemetery here early this morning. Paddy and Murphy,working as search and rescue workers, have recovered 826 bodies so far, and expect that number to climb as digging continues into the night.

Go, Kara!

waiting to hear from calamity..

also, Paddle. Do not feel all all alone..

Haha, that was actually pretty good, ragnel.

Ragnel, that's actually pretty funny.

So it doesn't belong here...

The poor Oirish will be the butt of jokes until eternity, thanks to the Brits. I thought I'd heard them all, Calamity, but not this one.

Two Ladies Talking in Heaven

1st woman : Hi! Wanda.

2nd woman : Hi! Sylvia. How'd you die?

1st woman : I froze to death.

2nd woman : How horrible!

1st woman : ; It wasn't so bad. After I quit shaking from the cold, I began to get warm & sleepy, and finally died a peaceful death. What about you?

2nd woman : I died of a massive heart attack. I suspected that my husband was cheating, so I came home early to catch him in the act. But instead, I found him all by himself in the den watching TV.

1st woman : So, what happened?

2nd woman : I was so sure there was another woman there somewhere that I started running all over the house looking. I ran up into the attic and searched, and down into the basement. Then I went through every closet and checked under all the beds. I kept this up until I had looked everywhere, and finally I became so exhausted that I just keeled over with a heart attack and died.

1st woman : Too bad you didn't look in the freezer---we'd both still be alive.

PRICELESS

An oldie but a goodie, or is it a "baddie" ...

Yep. Oldie but a classic. The good ones keep coming around. That joke is in my online folder of Best Jokes, Phoenix, so it is just not bad enough for this thread.

Phoenix, I tried to add an emoticon to that message to soften my rejection notice but I wasn't signed in....and when I did, the message posted without it.

That's awful, Phoe. (she says, grinning)

On the way to work this morning, I Saw a billboard that said,

"Need help, call Jesus."
1-800-005-3787

Being stressed, I dialed the number, gave my location......


and a Mexican showed up with a tow truck.

underneath it said :

" if the above number is busy , call 613 - 546 - 0001 and ask for rose "