I have a daughter or do I?

I should think that dys knows how to look/search for someone.

I can't belive such really, but I've met several persons, who actually don't want to know who and where their mother/father is (parents are).

There are certainly various reasons for such.

On the other hand, if a child really wants to learn (to know) something - that should be easier than the other around.

I've been thinking about this a lot.

I have always loved the definition of mother as "to nourish, nurture and protect".

How unfortunate that there is no equivilent definition for father.

I know that dys has served the world well in his protection of children; that he has been their advocate and their voice in so many situations.

So many kids have benefitted from his knowledge and experience. Knowing his personal story makes his efforts so much richer and more poignant.

Therefore I have come to the conclusion that dys is a mother.

I will find his daughter's face in children everywhere and I hope he can too.

Heartbreaking.

My age, sounds like.

Thomas has some good practical advice. It really seems like this must be breachable.

Best of luck, Dys.

boomer, for the first time in oh so many years, i read your post and cried aloud, there are events in my life that I am so ashamed about that only the lady diane knows about, I am no saint. I am taken aback. I am going back to bed now because I can't compehrend. I know not where to go. I live only in the grace of the lady Diane who accepts me as I am.

We have all done things that we're ashamed of, my friend.

The only place worth going is into the arms of The Lady Diane. I know that there is comfort waiting there.

good post boom.

i love your way with words

For all my worry, this has turned into a beautiful thread that shows the very best of a2k. Love to all of you.

((((((((((((((((Dys))))))))))))))))))

This has been such a heartfelt thread that you actually made me laugh out loud with delight, reading this. Boomer, you are a keeper!

And Dys, if I were a daughter, raised by a mother who told me harsh things about my absentee father and filled with resentment and hate, I would be devastated to later find out I had a father the likes of you but never had the courage to take the step to find you. You may not be perfect and you may have done some things you might be ashamed of in the past but we are all people in glass houses. There is not one of us without a past and embarrassment for something done or not done back aways. Sorry is better said than regret and fear of the backlash. If only you had some way of knowing how to contact her, I think you'd probably reach out right now.

Your ex-wife must have the same SSN. If so, then her tax returns would include your daughter as a dependant, along with her SSN. I don't know if an investigator could dig up that sort of stuff especially with a name-change. A SSN is the only thing that would remain constant.

I'll be keeping an eye on this thread to see what develops.

I hope you manage to get some closure Dys, the uncertainty is more painful than anything because it is constant and time won't make it better.

I have a lot to thank my mother for and one of those things is the fact that she always encouraged me to keep in touch with my father.

They divorced when I was three years old because of my dad's problems with alcohol and mental illness which made him violent towards me.

I resented him for a long time, even more so as I grew up and my mom told me the stories I didn't remember. As I grew up though I also realized that he was sick and that while not blameless I shouldn't pass judgement on him.

Nowadays my dad's stable and even though we live in completely different countries I know that he loves me and is just a letter away.

I hope you'll find, at least, this kind of comfort because, from what I've read so far you've got nothing to be held accountable for, at least in regard to this.

You certainly deserve a chance.

Dys and Diane,

I just came across this thread and I admit I haven't read all of it. Diane, you are so special. Dys is so lucky to have you. You are such a strong woman.

Dys, my heart goes out to you. I cannot imagine the pain this has caused you over the years. I wish there were some magical answer and it would all be ok.

Please know you are in my prayers. I hope that doesn't offend you. I sincerely mean fervent prayer that you will find comfort and peace and answers.

You are quite the enigma, Dys and Diane is quite a lady.

well, the situation is this, my daughter is a grown and married woman, she does have the means to contact me for a few more years at least, my decision is to not do anything. I wish her no confusion and for myself the same. I have a satisified life and wish the same for her.

I am sorry to hear that dys. Your daughter may have felt abandoned and deserted by you, her mother probably made
certain of that, and with this emotion in mind, she won't
ever contact you.

It would be up to you to change her mind - a simple letter
could be sufficient. I would hate for you to not have any
closure in this matter.

a simple letter? written to whom? I know not her name nor where she is.

I wish there was a way you could reconsider.

changing a name has to leave a paper trail some where..

at least, one would think so.

Do you know where she was when she changed her name? Was it changed by the courts, by marriage? You might be able to get a hold of her birth certificate, dys. If you contact the County Clerk's office in the county where she was born they might be able to help. If you are listed on the birth certificate as the father, this shouldn't be a problem. Oops, you probably already know all that.

And just a thought, sometimes writing a letter to someone that you know you'll never send can still help you.

for our cowboy, an Indian:

TETON SIOUX
Steam Lodge Song of the Sun Dance Ceremony

A voice,
I will send.
Hear me!
The land
All over,
A voice
I am sending!
Hear me!
I will live!

ma
he is not on the birth certificate anymore and has no legal right to obtain such a document.

Come on Dys, you've been with child protective services, you know
which avenues to take in order to find parents. It also works in reverse!
SSN of your exwife, internet research, private investigators - all tools
available to you.

There is always a way, if there is a will. If you need help, let me know,
I'd be happy to chip in.

The bureaucratic shuffle is the thing of nightmares.

I'm trying to think of something, I mean, I'm sure it's not a hopeless cause. Wouldn't make sense if it were.