Advice from women?

Probably at the mosque looking at the bearded mullahs and covered up chicks in burkhas. No wonder why he is so depressed.

Stop being a pu$$y and suck it up. Seriously, once you're there, it's not as intimidating as you'd think it is. I was 135lbs at my height, 5'11 when I started. I'm surprised vultures weren't hovering over me as I walked down the street.

Go out and look at some gyms in your area. Get a feel for the crowd there, and how much the memberships are. Some gyms are more "fitness centers," and will have less of the meatheads there you're worried about.

Most gyms will offer a free personal trainer for a short amount of time. That way, you're not working out solo, and you'll get into a routine. Once you're in a routine, you go in, get your workout done, and leave.

And you may be surprised. The majority of people in the gym don't stay very long, so most of the people look very average. Plus, people really do respect each other in the gym, everyone's there for the same reason. I've once, in 8 years or so, seen an argument. I've had people come up to me and vice versa with questions, and to "spot" each other's excercises.

There's a ton of info on nutrition and working out on the web, plus if you have any specific questions, ask on this site as well.

This isn't helping.... I'm sorry I bothered everyone.

You're not bothering anyone.

We're trying to give you real advice. You're not the only one who's gone through this, so try to learn as much as you can from other people who have gone through it already.

It may sound easier said than done, but what it comes down to is you making a conscience decision to change things.

Sit down and write a gameplan. What changes are you going to do to make your life a more positive experience? Join a gym? Join clubs? Whatever it is, make sure you have some organized thought on it, and follow through with it. You WILL feel better about yourself as you accomplish things, and things will work themselves out...unless you don't let them.

You're bothering me! I don't appreciate being called a pussy, besides I was asking for advice from women.

He has excellent advice. If you were confident in yourself, you would have laughed that off.

You are painting yourself in an unhappy corner. Why don't you tell about yourself?

oh now perplexed, my friend....we know each other well enough by now for me to say this.......

don't play the...."sorry I bothered everyone" game.

you know, we are all free willed adults here, and we all aren't going to maintain this thread according to your strict guidelines....

actually, take this as a lesson....conversation in life with more than 2 people takes twists and turns, sometimes coming back to the original subject, sometimes not.

just because you started a thread, doesn't mean it's going to remain forever all about you.

and.....I think some terrific advice has already been given, enough for you to work with for awhile....now people are naturally evolving the thread.

but lash is quite right, please tell us more about yourself, besides what people have already learned.

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?p=1904287#1904287

I want to comment on this here, rather than there (mainly because that topic has kind of moved on from there already).

This is very true. During school and after school are absolutely night and day when it comes to the dating scene. After school, you have to be considerably more creative about how to meet people, and how to get into situations where you are in the company of folks who share at least some of your interests.

Anyway, Perplexed (should I called you lex?), a lot of stuff has been thrown at you at once, and it may seem confusing. But the truth is, there's no magic pill. And that's because people, and relationships, are complex. But it doesn't mean they're impossible.

I'm sure that you have some sort of a skill that was difficult to attain, say, driving a stick shift or learning the Perl scripting language, or how to paint with oils or take an integral, or whatever. And it didn't happen overnight. Mastery was not immediate. But it was, ultimately, rewarding.

And that's what you have here. Mastery is not going to be immediate. And perfection is not going to happen in a vacuum. But it can happen. You just have to apply yourself. The good news is, most of it can be approached obliquely. You need not run down the street and shout out to every woman you see that you're available and think she's beautiful. Instead, subtle things. Eat better. Work out. Cultivate a sense of humor. Learn about culture. Hang around where people (male people, female people, available and unavailable people) you like and who share your interests hang out. Work to overcome your shyness (that does not happen overnight). And you'll find, over time, that mastery is coming. And with it come rewards. You can do it. We're just trying to help.

yes, perplexed takes so long to type out....

perp, lex, lexie, px, plex....what shall we call you?

<thinks...... this calls for the subtle approach......>















<AHEM>......"Hello Chai, fancy popping round the back of Walmarts for a quick bit of slap and tickle?
I'm an expert french kisser, and as an added bonus, you'll be glad to hear that I have a tongue like an electric eel, and it loves the taste of a womans tonsils. What d'ya say, old girl.....up for it?"

Walmart? Honestly! I think I'd rate at least the back of a Target....

Actually, I was thinking of something more like this....





Headmaster: Now,
sex... sex, sex, sex, where were we?

[Silence from form. A lot of hard thinking of the type
indulged by schoolboys who know they don't know the
answer.]

Well, had I got as far as the penis entering the vagina?

Pupils: Er... er... no sir. No we didn't, sir.

Headmaster: Well had I done foreplay?

Pupils: ...Yes sir.

Headmaster: Well, as we all know about foreplay no doubt you can
tell me what the purpose of foreplay is... Biggs.

Biggs: Don't know, sorry sir.

Headmaster: Carter.

Carter: Er... was it taking your clothes off, sir?

Headmaster: And after that?

Wymer: Putting them on the lower peg sir?

[Headmaster throws a board duster at him and hits him.]

Headmaster: The purpose of foreplay is to cause the vagina to
lubricate so that the penis can penetrate more easily.

Watson: Could we have a window open please sir?

Headmaster: Yes... Harris will you?... And, of course, to cause the
man's penis to erect and har...den. Now, did I do vaginal
juices last week oh do pay attention Wadsworth, I know it's
Friday afternoon oh watching the football are you boy - right
move over there. I'm warning you I may decide to set an
exam this term.

Pupils: Oh sir...

Headmaster: So just listen... now did I or did I not do vaginal
juices?

Pupils: Yes sir.

Headmaster: Name two ways of getting them flowing, Watson.

Watson: Rubbing the clitoris, sir.

Headmaster: What's wrong with a kiss, boy? Hm? Why not start her
off with a nice kiss? You don't have to go leaping straight
for the clitoris like a bull at a gate. Give her a kiss, boy.

Wymer: Suck the nipple, sir.

Headmaster: Good. Good. Good, well done, Wymer.

Duckworth: Stroking the thighs, sir.

Headmaster: Yes, I suppose so.

Another: Bite the neck.

Headmaster: Good. Nibbling the ear. Kneading the buttocks, and so
on and so forth. So we have all these possibilities before we
stampede towards the clitoris, Watson.

Watson: Yes sir. Sorry sir.

Headmaster: All these form of stimulation can now take place.

[The Headmaster pulls the bed down.]

... And of course tongueing will give you the best idea of how
the juices are coming along. [Calls.] Helen... Now penetration
and coitus, that is to say intercourse up to and including
orgasm.

[Mrs Williams has entered.]

Ah hallo, dear.

[The pupils have shuffled more or less to their feet.]

*Do* stand up when my wife enters the room, Carter.

Carter: Oh sorry, sir. Sorry.

Mrs Williams: Humphrey, I hope you don't mind, but I told the
Garfields we *would* dine with them tonight.

Headmaster: [starting to disrobe] Yes, yes, I suppose we must...

Mrs Williams: [taking off her clothes] I said we'd be there by
eight.

Headmaster: Well at least it'll give me a reason to wind up the
staff meeting.

Mrs Williams: Well I know you don't like them but I couldn't make
another excuse.

Headmaster: [he's got his shirt off] Well it's just that I felt -
Wymer. This is for your benefit. Will you kindly wake up. I've
no intention of going through this all again. [The boys are no
more interested than they were in the last lesson on the
Binomial Theorem, though they pretend, as usual.] Now we'll
take the foreplay as read, if you don't mind, dear.

Mrs Williams: No of course not, Humphrey.

Headmaster: So the man starts by entering, or mounting his good
lady wife in the standard way. The penis is now as you will
observe more or less fully erect. There we are. Ah that's
better. Now... Carter.

Carter: Yes sir.

Headmaster: What is it?

Carter: It's an ocarina... sir.

Headmaster: Bring it up here. The man now starts making thrusting
movements with his pelvic area, moving the penis up and down
inside the vagina so... put it there boy, put it there... on
the table... while the wife maximizes her clitoral stimulation
by the shaft of the penis by pushing forward, thank you
dear... now as sexual excitement mounts... what's funny Biggs?

Biggs: Oh, nothing sir.

Headmaster: Oh do please share your little joke with the rest of
us... I mean, obviously something frightfully funny's going
on...

Biggs: No, honestly, sir.

Headmaster: Well as it's so funny I think you'd better be selected
to play for the boys' team in the rugby match against the
masters this afternoon.

Biggs: [looks horrified] Oh no, sir.

Ha!

Random thought, not apropos of anything that's been said here recently...

There has been a lot of emphasis on getting yourself up to a certain standard to impress girls of that standard, but really, it goes the other way, too. There are puh-lenty of interesting, cool, but conflicted girls out there who are having a terrible time meeting men. You can connect with them probably better if you remain more or less yourself -- complain about how stupid school is or how bigoted a certain teacher is, or whatever.

If you're still in a school situation, I'd suggest some kind of group study sort of thing. IN class there isn't much opportunity for talking, but outside of class, while studying together, there is. Again, can just be towards getting friends, not necessarily girlfriends. Just having a good friend network is huge in the big picture; they can introduce you to people, they can help you figure out how to talk to people, they will likely help you feel more outgoing and confident, heck, studies have shown that having friends is better for your physical health.

In the interest of continuing this thread I'm going to ignore what slappy said about me, but only after I point out that it's counterproductive to call someone names in the same post that you give them tips on how to improve their confidence, and that in general it's not useful to call someone you're trying to talk to a 'pussy', whatever the subject.

Moving on, I do go to school, I'm a Religion/Philosophy student, and at school is basically the only place I see other people, as after that I usually go home and stay there.

As for how to abreviate my name, let it be said that I hate perp, lex, and lexie, so of the options presented px or plex would be best.

Perplexed, in between the jokes there really is some good advice here. And don't feel insulted by Slappy, he's talking to you the way he would talk to a friend. I know that seems odd, but men sometimes put each other down in the feminine when they communicate. I hear it all the time among my young male employees who are in their teens and twenties. They tend to say things like "hey girlie come help me move this big rock". This is a 6' 2", 200lb guy talking to another one just like him. At first I was insulted that they were using female terms to put each other down, but I've gotten over it. They also know they have to treat me with respect and they do.

I think you have to start making more of an effort to meet women. Obviously going home and staying there is not working. At least once a week go out to a place that you have a chance to meet new people. If that's too difficult- it might be worth your time to look into a dating service.

yeah, logic would state that you either need to go to additonal places besides school and your home, or since school is the one place you go, talk to someone there.

I mean, if those are your choices, take your pick.

If the weathers nice on the weekends, go somewhere outside and read a book....and if you see someone else reading one, ask them what it's about. Act interested in what they tell you.

At school, well, talk to someone there.

you know, it may not happen tomorrow, time takes time.


ooooo....let me tell you a story (see, if you had me around you'd end up getting in great conversations)

A while back, I was on a flight that was going to last a few hours. When I was going to sit down, I noticed the man across the aise from me glancing my way....well, I'm married so I wasn't going to presue it, but in the time it took me to sit down I couldn't help but notice that this mans appearance was exactly my type.

Then, the stewardess announced from the front that they had found a pair of reading glasses. I looked down and noticed mine weren't hanging from my blouse, where I'd hooked them through a buttonhole. So I signaled and she came over, and indeed they were mine.

The guy across from me said "Hey! I was the one who found those glasses! I found your glasses!"

Well, again, I didn't want to encourage him, so I thanked him politlely and that was basically that....

Anyway, about an hour before landing, I looked over and noticed this guy was reading a book written in hebrew. I wasn't sure which way he would turn the page, so I was interested. When he turned a page, it did it backwards from what an english book would be....

I though "wow, I learned something", then, I said to him, "I didn't know which way you would turn the page, I don't know hebrew...do you ever get confused when you're reading another language?"

Well he answered "no" and honestly I dont' know what he said after that, but suddenly we were in the midst of a incredibly interesting conversation....non-stop until the plan landed...turned out he was an environmental engineer, and I had tons of questions, and he was the most interesting person I'd talked to in a long time....He also asked me my opinion on a lot of things, and we were both having the best time. Really great guy.

While we were talking, I thought to myself "That was so stupid not to start a conversation with him earlier....look at all the fun the both could have been having."

I was really disappointed to be landing, and when everyone deplaned I looked around, but we had already been separated by the crowds.

Later on, in my hotel, I was actually thinking...."boy, if I was happily married, I'd have made an effort to find him at the airport" and I don't mind saying here I think if I wasn't married, that evening would have continued on for a while....it was a really nice hotel room, too nice for just one person.

No plex, see, it just happens sometimes, but if you're not attached, you need to be ready to take advantage of the moment.

Don't think, just do.

If you click, you click.

Go to a strip joint. You will meet all kinds of people. Get to talk with strippers. They are usually friendly. That should get you over talking with girls. The strippers are usually or most likely college students working to pay off tuition costs. Since most of the customers are rude with your shy persona it would be refreshing for the girls and they will be extra nice to you as you would most likely treat them respectfully.

So true about strippers!

C'mon, Perplexed. Take Slappy's advice as it was intended. It's good. It's well intended. It may not work for you; that doesn't make it bad advice.

Oh, just ignore that. I'm a guy, too.

Perplexed
I felt the same way, so I started working out at home. I got one of those free weight bench kits with all the accessories and made sure I read up on lifting weights so I wouldn't hurt myself.
I did most of my working out in my room at home. The more fit I became, the better my confidence got, which is when I was finally confident enough to go to the gym, jogging, etc...

It really work, I swear it does!

I think Slappy has called me a pussy at least once and we're long time friends.
That's just Slappy's way of bonding ;-)