Advice from women?

Excellent post, Slappy. I'm impressed :-D

I know I've been stuck in that rut more than once, but then I got fed up with it one day and decided to change it. I started dressing up nice, doing my hair, my nails and all that girlie stuff. I joined the gym and met tons of people there ;-)
I stated working out, jogging, lifting weights and the next thing you know, I was feeling great about myself.
Working out did wonders for my confidence.
The trick is that you have to find happiness within yourself before you can be happy with anyone else.

And speak to people, Perplexed.

Sometimes, back when I was a machinist, the foreman would walk by, and I would look up, nod, and get back to work. Now, for a period of about a week, I was temporary foreman. Most of the guys (my friends) would look up, nod, and get back to work. One would smile, and speak. I thought, now, that is one friendly guy.

It doesn't hurt to be known as a friendly person, even by the guys.

Oh, hi, Montana. Just checking in after the shower.

...."Oh, hi, Montana. Just checking in after the shower."



Now THERE'S a classic chat up line, if ever I heard one!

Well, it's like. . . .

Hey, when you're in a hole, quit digging, and I think I will.

Hey Rog
You take longer in the shower than I do, lol.

Hey there Sir. Ellpus
Roger has many fabulous chat up lines and I must say that he's very good at them, don't you think?

So, how am I supposed to become "Happy with myself" when I'm so clearly not? I'm already on meds...

I make every effort to become happy with myself at least once a day.

Sometimes twice, if I have a good stock of those blue pills.

I'm not too fond of certain meds, so I'm thinking they might even be your problem.

I pulled myself out of it by talking myself into being happy. I know it sounds strange, but it worked for me. I was gonna be happy if it was the last thing I did, so I pushed myself to go join the gym, and all that other stuff I mentioned earlier. In turn I started feeling better about myself and it built up my confidence.

Here you go perplexed. This post by Sir. Ellpus should get you started with at least a smile, because I know I'm laughing my head off.

Ah, I'd have jumped at marrying a man who wore an Alice in Wonderland t-shirt

You know, that Brit expression "chat a girl up" always makes me think

"feel a girl up"

I'm going to go chat that girl up, until the police show up.

Hi Lord E....having a nice cup of tea and scone?


AHG...look perplexed! I just started chatting Lord Elpus up!

let's wait and see how he responds....go hide in that shrub with these binoculars and notebook, and if you're quiet, he'll poke his nose around the corner sooner or later.

<Chai sits pertly on a park bench, eating crisps and pretending she's not waiting for ellusive lord of the manor>

:-) Sakhi.

I just noticed that two of my stories start with t-shirts, maybe that's a nice, concrete way to start. Get or make a t-shirt that is likely to be interesting to someone who would interest you.

No guarantees, of course, at all, but it's the kind of low-pressure conversation starter you may be going for. And it seems like one of your strengths is your intelligence, something to highlight on the outside if you possibly can.

When do you graduate, Perplexed?

I was looking for a Joseph Campbell t-shirt for ya (could only find one that says "follow your bliss", not quite you) and found this quote on a site that lets you put various quotes on t-shirts. It's a bit wordy for a t-shirt, but isn't it a cool quote?

"Every religion is true one way or another. It is true when understood metaphorically. But when it gets stuck in its own metaphors, interpreting them as facts, then you are in trouble. "

Perp--

Wow, you've had some really good advice.

Read Slappy's advice again. (I never thought those words would be spoken together LOL)

It works well with Montana's. For some reason,
1)you're down on yourself....
2)so you project that....
3)so people aren't attracted to you.

If you'll make the internal decision that you are great, that you are going to take steps to make yourself for inwardly and outwardly appealing, but while you're doing it, you are still great--that would be a start.

Decide to: smile or say hey to two people a day.

Initiate small talk with one person a day, with smiling and humor.

Monitor your facial expression a few times a day. Do you look pensive, worried, unhappy.... relax your face muscles and think of something pleasant.

Follow Montana's advice and work on your body. Have self-improvement goals like this that show you value yourself--and that will make you more attractive.

Practice loving yourself. I think you are dealing with a misplaced inner guilt that you should probably work out with therapy. (From another thread.) How you feel about yourself on the inside really shows on the outside, and people respond to it.

Good luck, Perp.

Ugh! What a terrible nickname I've aquired! I sound more like a perpetrator that the perplexed person I am!

Oh yeah, Perp.

that's good...kinda like when you watch law and order.....

well....we found the perp trying to get back into the vics apartment...he had left his copy of how to pick up chicks on the coffe table, apparantly trying out some one the lines on the vic.

She apparantly died of laughter.

I still can't figure out what to do to improve my confidence. Several people have recommended going to a gym, and believe me, nothing could be MORE damaging to my self-esteem than a bunch of gym-rat girls bench pressing more than me.... which they almost certainly could.... because I suck...

Seriously though, exercising in front of other people is completely out of the question, no way, no way, no way!

So exercise at home. Pushups, sit-ups, buy a coupla barbells. Doesn't have to be a big deal.

That's only if your physical appearance is something that's involved in your confidence problems, though -- if you're fine with how you look, probably other things that would have a bigger payoff.

Where do you spend your time perplexed?

Seriously, name the places that you end up being at for an hour or more at one time each week/day.

List them, and maybe you'll get some suggestions here.

you may not be seeing the forest for the trees