Ah Perplexed, thank you...
I feel like I just learned so much about you from your link on Avoidant Personality Disorder.
I can totally empathize with you and how you may feel when someone says...well just go out and socialize! It's a vicious cycle, isn't it?
You know though, you may be able to turn that into a plus, in a way....
Do they have support groups for APD? That may sound like an oxymoron, but in a support group, it's a more structured environment where you may feel free to talk a little more, knowing that others are in the same boat.
Have you some traits in mind that you would find attractive in a woman?
Would you feel more compatible with someone who is quiet? Studious? Music Lover?....
Here are some generalities I've learned throughout the years....
The younger you are, the more you are apt to think everyone in scrutinizing everything you do.....honestly, they are not....they are busy watching themselves.
People sometimes talk about chemistry between two people. I believe that, again when you are younger, you probably don't have the experience to differentiate between chemistry and, well, lust.
BTW - I'm going to keep mentioning age, don't be offended, or be defensive. The fact of the matter is, someone like, for instance me, who has simply had the opportunity to have experienced many more things than you may have, is because I've had more than twice and much time walking around on this planet than you have, and more than 7 times the amount of time as you have being a legal adult....so....I suppose I'm the voice of experience you hear about, and a woman to boot.
Have you ever met someone, male or female, that right from the start you just felt comfortable with right off the bat? You just seem to understand the other so well.
Well, sometimes that happens on a atomic level when meeting a person you are attracted to...oh, it has to happen to BOTH of you....
When I was 30, I met the man I eventually married....we talked, but not as much as you might think...we were just comfortable.
You can meet a potential girlfriend anywhere, a support group, the library, a lecture....find a venue that is non threatening to you.
Do you take the bus anywhere?
Maybe get on a bus one day, and just take it somewhere, maybe go the whole route. You might not see anyone interesting, but you might.
Let's say you say hi to her, and she blows you off......easy, get off at the next stop.
However, if you don't come across as a stalker
, it's easy enough to flare up a conversation....you can comment to a stranger about something unusual outside the window, making a little joke about it.
The majority of people want to be loved and to be special to someone else perplexed. Keep in mind when you are feeling ackward about talking to someone, you might just be making their day by just making them feel special for a moment.
oh oh oh....one other thing....let's say you see someone and they look up at you......smile, and not one of those quick lip twitches with the eyes sliding away, and also not one of those big grins that makes the girl think..."He's off his meds"
just an easygoing "hi" type of smile....and make sure you eyes are smiling also...you know how you can see the difference between a hollow mouth only fake smile, and one that spreads to the eyes and says to the other person...I see you, and I'm smiling at you because you seem nice.
Practice that smile in the mirror...doesn't really matter what the mouth does...the message is in the eyes.
Does that help?
