Advice from women?

I didn't meet RP until I was, hmm, 26. Lots of folks take longer. It happens when it happens.

Eek, bronchitis. Not fun at all.

I was 59 when I met the lady Diane, it was worth the wait.

There ya go.

But I bet that wasn't the first person you were with, or even the first time you fell in love. You both just said what age you were when you met the person you're currently with.

Also, if I have to wait until I'm 59 to find somebody that loves me, I will definitely not survive up to that age.

I'm 42 and I still haven't found the right one, but I'm keeping my hopes up ;-)

For me, I never found a guy when I was looking. It always happened when I least expected it, but the only way that's going to happen is if you keep yourself out there.
I knew that the guys wouldn't come flocking to my door, so I found places to go where I could meet people and that's how things happened.
The only thing I can tell you is that it always took time. I can't tell you how much time because I couldn't possibly know that, but I can tell you that putting yourself where the people are sure ups your chances ;-)

I'm glad you're feeling better :-)

I met my husband right before my 30th birthday…I had never been married.
I distinctly remember being 29, because in one of our first conversations I mentioned I was turning the big 3-0 and he said "I don't find a woman beautiful until she's at least 30." That was in July or Aug of 1987, we didn't get married until Jan 1 of 1994 because even though we both knew deep inside we should be together, we went off and married different people. It was really a story of star crossed lovers.

Sure I was in love before, I can say that in words here, but can't feel the tug in my heart because it pales in comparison to what I have now. Even if I could remember those feelings, why should I? I'm too busy loving the man I'm with now.

Do I regret the waiting? No. I know if things hadn't happened in the way or order they did, things wouldn't be the same.

This is really where your spirituality comes into play perplexed…having faith things are happening all in good time.

You can't push the river.

Good advice, Chai. I, too, had been in love before, or at least it had felt that way. Hell, I was 15 when I first said "I love you" to a guy.

I wish someone would say that to me.....

Well, you know we care. But for me, well ...

<singing>

and they called it
puppy lo-o-o-ove

<singing too..>

Some enchanted evening
You may see a stranger
You may see a stranger
Across a crowded room
And somehow you know,
You know even then
That somewhere
You'll see her again and again

Some enchanted evening,
Someone may be laughing
You may hear her laughing
Across a crowded room
And night after night,
As strange as it seems
The sound of her laughter
Will sing in your dreams

Who can explain it,
Who can tell you why
Fools give you reasons,
Wise men never try

Some enchanted evening,
When you find your true love
When you feel her call you
Across a crowded room
Then fly to her side
And make her your own
Or all through your life
You may dream all alone

Once you have found her,
Never let her go


I just love that song.

Knock knock
Who's there?
Sam and Janet
Sam and Janet who?
Sam and Janet evening ....

GROAN......


You are in time out young lady.

That song kinda made me sad.... but then almost any mention of love etc makes me sad nowadays...

oh yeah, it is a sad song in that it's asking the listener to wait for the enchanted evening.

I'm so tired of waiting, it's like my desire for love is eating away at my insides, it's already eaten away a good bit, it seems like it won't be much longer until I'm completely hollow..... I'm not trying to be pitied, or tell you about my emotions, that's the physical feeling I get when I'm feeling lonely...

You're lonely, perplexed. Get out and meet people. Join some clubs, volunteer somewhere, talk to people you meet. It'll happen.

Oh, and by the way...I've got your bronchitis now. <cough, cough, GAG, cough> Thanks a lot.

Poor Perplexed.

I didn't have one date until I was nineteen years old, and then after I was nineteen, guess what? Then I'd had ONE date! hee hee hee...

I didn't actually have a boyfriend until I was twenty, just that one lone date (that turned out to be an utter fiasco, and it was a date born of desperation, with someone that I knew was completely wrong for me but went out with anyway), so I do understand where you're coming from. It does get pretty sucky-lonely sometimes when you're older and still waiting for the dating business to start. Feels like you're getting left behind by everyone else you know, seems like everyone else has been dating since they were twelve, feels like you're gonna be alone forever, etc, etc...

All I can say is, it's when you stop looking for it that it happens. Yes, I know that is THE MOST godawful advice, but it's true. Because when you stop looking, you act more comfortable with people; you're relaxed, because you're not desperately wondering "is this finally it? how do I impress her? how do I keep this conversation going? what is she thinking of me? blahblahblah. . ."

Because a lot of times, those of us who are feeling freaked out that we're never going to find someone act really awkward when we finally are talking to someone who interests us...that little hint of desperation seems to come through loud and clear, ya know? It scares people off...I know it's hard advice to follow, but it is how I finally started hitting it off with people.

Chai: beautiful song choice.

Ah yes, waiting for the enchanted evening....
can be heaven or
can be hell.

Nevermind the enchanted evening for now. That gnawing in your guts need to be taken care of first.

You need to yell out from your soul all the things you need to say. Those ugly feelings or words: and scream them somewhere you feel safe and in control.

Then go speak your words to other people. It's amazingly simple:
Give out good emotion=receive good emotion
Give out love=receive love etc etc

You're working against yourself.
It can be so easy when you just stop trying.

please elaborate

Perplexed,
Hey! Sure, I'll elaborate. I'm no expert, but I sure would love to see you feeling better. Anything I can do to help.

It really seems to me that you are depressed. I may be wrong - but have you gone to see a doctor about this yet? I speak this mainly because of my own experience. You sound genuinely unhappy and feeling unable to get over the 'rut'.

I'll share a little bit about myself just so you can know a little bit about where I am coming from. I have experienced some rather traumatic events in my life: in clusters, and over longer periods of time. I never sought help for it until I had come to a point where I was extremely depressed and sick. I could not function. I was treated for Post Traumatic Stress and depression/anxiety (really do think these were outgrowths of not getting treatment at the appropriate time).

Anyways, a turning point for myself and bursting through the walls of loneliness, isolation, and negative patterns was the day I was finally able to say outloud "*my secrets I did not want to know or want anyone to know about me*". You see, I had bottled these feelings and words so deep inside that even I did not see them anymore. Telling my story, pouring out my deep emotions, yelling out and expressing myself became the first step to being happy again. I found out a lot about myself, and I was able to start living an authentic life again.

If you are feeling you need to find someone to love you...and in the meantime the gnawing is unbearable....it might be beneficial to spend some time concentrating on you and why you feel so badly on your own. There are plenty of good people in this world specifically trained to help with this; and you can see such an improvement in much less time than you would expect!!

I'm sorry if I am getting to personal or if I have made a mistake. You might be simply frustrated with being a single guy! 'Cause hey, I know being single when you don't want to be can really bite. But it shouldn't feel unbearable.

Take care. Ohh, and have fun having all these lovely women chatting on your thread. Not bad, not bad at all, I'd say!