How can i take my mind off a married woman

Onthequiet--

You're showing excellent sense in avoiding temptation--and opportunities for giving into temptation.

Keep it up.

onthequiet,
You are doing the right thing and I applaud you for having the courage to do what you know is right. It's not always easy but at least at the end of the day you can look yourself in the mirror. Keep up the tough but good work!!

Echoing the others.

I know it's difficult, but you're doing the right thing. Those feelings can last for a year or so, but eventually they always subside. Ride it out. Don't let it mess up your life.

I dunno man. You could be missing out on a GREAT TIME!

Just thought I'd add an opposing view :wink:

cool , that all i needed to hear , 1 positive ... im gonna call her now ... lol .

i wish you could have the best of both worlds but the world with miss x is gonna be the world of the twilight zone as it looks like im never gonna find out and its always gonna be a mystery wondering wots on the other side .

i reckon the other side would be great but someone mentioned to me something very important , " she only lets me see what she wants me to see " , who knows wot shes like behind closed doors when im not around , she might not be the wild , sexy , compatible girl i think she is ... but once again , she just may and that word wild is my MASSIVE issue as i couldnt think of anything better than re-calibrating her or to tame the tiger if you know what i mean .

The grass might be greener on the other side....but that might be because there's lots of fertilizer (sh!t).

Wots the saying ? i think its :

" For every gorgeous , sexy , stunning woman , there is a man at her house just wanting to get away "

or was it :

" For every gorgeous stunning woman , there is 1 man that is constantly getting his balls broken by her "

Something like that but we all know what i mean ... lol .

It was "....there's a guy out there who's tired of putting up with her ****," I think. ;-) I agree that's a good way to go about it. That (looking for problems, and finding them) plus distance is what got me over a crush.

Mr. Quiet, I haven't read all 9 pages of replys, so this may be a repeat. Quit thinking about yourself! Think about your wife and kid! The grass isn't "greener" on the other side. Everybody has good qualities and bad, for every 10 bad qualities you see in your wife there are probably 10+ in this other woman that you don't know about. It's called self control and only YOU can get her out of your mind.

I'm sorry if I piss you off, don't take it personally, but you have a child! Don't put him/her thru something terrible!

My suggestion is to think of YOUR FAMILY and what it would do to them!

CONTROL, keep in control!

P.S. You are human and this isn't something wrong with you.
I just want to keep saying "what about your kid!"

My .02, keep the change

Q: How can i take my mind off a married woman ?

A: Marry her. It'll take care of the problem in no time.

Here you go
I have been reading your posts & I will give you some advice. Who are you kidding here? You are not keeping yourself from a temptation , you are just putting it off for the time being.
If you want to change this , you need to GET REAL. If you really want to save your marraige & make it better & get over this other women, you need to not communicate or be around her. Don't play with fire you WILL eventually get burnt!! Why put yourself in the situation to do something wrong & have to feel this way for so many months!! Only you have the power to change it. CUT OFF CONTACT, it is the only way.
If you do this, I know from experience that you will return to loving ONLY your wife & your marraige will thrive. It's your choice.

I definately realise that total cutoff is the best way , but impossible ... it cannot happen .

In saying this , i do make an effort to not see them , because of my working hours i can swing allot more excuses to not go over or be home when they come , in fact i came home last week and saw her car here and decided to not come inside but instead go out for dinner on my own as by the time i finish and get home she would have left .

1 thing i have done is seeked professional help , their a comany down here in Australia called Lifeworks ( www.lifeworks.com.au ) . I have had 1 session allready and they dont give you direct answers but put things in perspective and with only this standard consultation , things are becoming clearer allready , they tell you weird things and you wonder where the point is going but it always get there .

They did mention is that this is classic text book case , its nothing that most married people dont go through in their life and that from what information i gave them and how open i was ( i spilt the beens to the max ) that it wont be as hard to get over as i think it is as most of it is just a build up in my head .

As far as wanting to push it further with her , well yeah , its always been in the back of my mind wondering wot the other side is like , i think its normal ( and the front and the left and right of my head as well ... lol ) but now im thinking , so wot , im married , another kid on the way , wot am i gonna **** around for , is a root gonna really fix me up , is the fact that we get along so well really worth the temptation of going further , **** , everything was rosey as well when i started going out with my wife .

For the first time in years , i am now cutting down my work hours , coming home earlier ( meaning before she goes to bed ) and jumping into bed with her and watching tv , the feeling of sitting in bed cuddling , we dont neven need to have sex for it to be enjoyable ( but when it happens thats a bonus obviously ) .

Dunno , theres heaps more stuff to mention this last week since ive seen profesional help but ill let a few more sessions go by till i really write up a full essay here on the process of how i got through all of this .

On another note , you guys have all been great here in advice and help etc but if there is anyone else reading this that is in the same boat , i cant recomend highly enough that seeing professional councilers is one of the best things you can do . I wouldnt have thought of it and it isnt cheap but hey , there is no price on fixing yourself up for many reasons be it help mentally , family as this has affected me also from a health perspective over the last 6 months .

Once i get over this hurdle , my next step is to see someone who can help me spell ... lol .

Thanx guys , bag or judge me as much as you like but i dont care as im actually doing something about it .

Good going, OTQ, cool to read your "updates".

Nice to see this thread helped a bit, at least in the beginning, and you're getting useful feedback like that now more intensively from other places (your "sister" friend, the Lifeworks thing) as well.

If you dont have noone to talk about something with and it just lives in your mind, it can grow and grow into something way out of proportion, something very self-feeding and heavy. Sometimes you have to just 'puncture' it every now and then and drain it, so to say. You didnt have that chance because of your friends being mutual but it looks like you've found several resources now.

You seem to be pretty sure and pretty clear that staying with your wife and your kids is what you want, so in that context you are obviously doing the right thing, even if they are making it hard in all kinds of ways for you; so congrats and keep it up!

Glad we could help.

I know you think that you are doing better & that is great, but satan is strong (if you believe in him or not) And he will stop at nothing to destroy your marraige.
I think you still need to be honest with your wife & tell her the truth. And then do not make attempts to see this women at all. As long as you do, the temptation will be there. We all have weak moments, & you could have a time when you & your wife are not getting along, & then what? Will you think about her again? Wish you were with her>?

Only saying this, cause I know. It is not easy, I know. I am glad you are getting help, but still the ultimate decision is yours. Only you can make a change.

Well that was spectacularly unhelpful...

Good for you, Onthequiet, glad you're handling this so well and thanks for the updates. Hope that your crush sprouts a ginormous hairy mole on the tip of her nose... or something. ;-)

Yeah , ive made the ultimate decision and the first step was to see someone professionally and as i said , in 1 session , so much has been learnt even if they didnt give me a direct answer . Satan does weird things ... well i believe in God . What i keep getting back in replies is to cut off ties with her completely but what people arnt understanding is that it is impossible , there are too many mutual friends which lead to to many mutual parties , meetings , catching ups . Our kids are best friends , me and her husband are best friends , calling it off and cutting it and ruining my wifes friendship with her is going to be a major issue , there are allready a few questions raised as to why i dont show up to dinners , birthdays etc allready but i just use work as the excuse and am luckily getting away with it .


sozobe ... funy you should talk about the mole on her nose , ive passed the stage of admiring her this last week and yeah , worked out she has got a fucked up nose ... lol ... but no i wouldnt wish the mole upon it as well ... lol .

sozobe - Don't talk about what you dont' know about. I am trying to help him cause I know what he is going through & believe me he understands exactly what I'm saying.

on the quiet - I am really glad that you are receiving help & are feeling better. Get someone that you trust to be honest with you , to hold you accountable & then when you are feeling those feelings , go & talk with that person.
I still think you should be honest with your wife. She deserves to know, so that she doesn't find out some other time. Plus she could help you & support you. I think you would be surprised at her reaction. She might feel very loved that you are doing this all for her & for your marraige. Keep up the good work. Blessings

Ari--

Welcome to A2K.



She deserves to know "what"?

Onthequiet has simply lusted in his heart--he hasn't acted out his feelings.

Why should she know something that could only upset her?

noddy 24
Hello! & thanks for saying HI!!

I think he should tell his wife, holding a lie or untruth between two people does nothing but hurt. Plus, she would be able to understand why he doesn't want to go to certain things & she could support him.
Wouldn't you want to know if the person you loved was having thoughts? I'd feel more secure if I was told & could help my spouse, rather then be unaware of it at all. It would also give him some accountability.