How can i take my mind off a married woman

He's thinking with his dinky.

In Mr. Noddy's family there was a case of pair of ethically disadvantaged sisters-in-law having affairs with lots of girlish giggling.

The brothers haven't spoken since and their mother died lamenting the family rift.

Your actions will influence the lives of many other people.

Noddy is right. Among other things, you will be teaching your children (by example, the most effective way) that fidelity and keeping one's promises are optional.

No way around that one.

quoting Heeven " You started posting on Feb 3, after 2.5 years of fancying your best friends wife. Suddenly, on Feb 7 you post that her sister-in-law confronts you with your/her feelings. Strange that. A couple days after starting to talk about it here and then someone IRL brings up the subject with you? Hmm. Is this a real story or what? Seems quite pat that this would happen in my mind. Are you telling the truth? Oh and I notice the sister in law apparently urges you to talk to her - the opposite of what people here have been telling you: "


Read what you have to say there and obviously good points apart from the 1 ive copied above . What gives you the right to tell me if im talking **** or not , why would i come to this group to make up crap , those comments are silly imho but i will give you the reason , because saturday just past we had a party here at home and shes obviously picked up on something i said , did ( i dont know myself what it was she picked up on ) so its purely coincedence . For your info the reason i got on here is because the last 2 / 3 weeks have been the hardest for me .

Sozobe , it is impossible to sever ties , as we are all too close and i can assure you if it did happen , allot more questions would be raised from both sides .

Im gonna try and ride this thing out and hopefully it will blow over . Organise a trip to QLD for a few weeks with my family and just try to come back to reality in a relaxed manner . This does mean NO conversation with the mates misses .

Re: How can i take my mind off a married woman
Remove it from her lap

It's a question I asked because I was suspicious. It's quite fair and valid, since we have experienced people posting "fake" stories and scenarios here before and they have been caught out. That's what gives me the right.

If that's not the case with you and this is a REAL experience then you are obviously showing your feelings in public and the SIL picked up on them. Unless you want this all to come out and make some tough decisions, you need to hide your emotions better when your best friends wife is around.

If you can't get your mind off a married woman just sleep with her! My wife did that. Umm...I mean my ex-wife.

Re: How can i take my mind off a married woman
onthequiet,

The concept of monogamy till death do you part maybe made sense when people lived till they were 30, but it looses a lot of traction in today's world.

You are not likely to stay with your present wife "forever", no matter what you believe. Nor are you obliged to see only her, despite present day western culture constructs.

The real problem I see it is that you went and had kids, and these kids must live under the umbrella of our western culture constructs, and hence the negative implications of your potentially pending infidelity.

So, I have changed my mind about this whole thing now that I see you are fighting our advice every step of the way. Screw her, have sex with your best friends wife. then come clean with your wife and see if she will take you back. Get it out of your system. You are gonna make the mistake any way you slice it.
1. Either your wife is gonna find out that you have been thinking about this woman and leave you for just thinking about it or
2. You can sleep with her and then at least you didnt lose your wife for nothing...you got a piece of ass.
I mean, that ultimately what your after right? Its looking pretty tempting elsewhere? You want someone to tell you that its ok....ITS OK!!
IF YOU LOVE YOUR WIFE THIS WOULD NOT EVEN BE A THOUGHT IN YOUR MIND!!!!
And if anyone is wondering, Yup, I am a little bent outta shape....sorry.

Quoting my self from earlier this morning a few posts back :

" Im gonna try and ride this thing out and hopefully it will blow over . Organise a trip to QLD for a few weeks with my family and just try to come back to reality in a relaxed manner . This does mean NO conversation with the mates misses . "


No shari , i am taking the advice of the group , a heap of replies hear and they mean allot more to me than 1 reply from a sister in law , not going to discuss it with her . Back onto distraction to keep my mind occupied till i get over it .

Good! I am glad that you didnt start this thread for nothing. I am proud of you and I know you can work this out. "Wanting" is a double edged sword sometimes. Just remember any choice you make involves a cost...there is no free lunch.

Heeven , im definately not a fake so im sorry ifi came accross that way but i can assure you its purely coincedence and i definately appreciate your comments as well so all good here .

A vacation sounds good.

Remember what I said about awkward or a hassle vs. possible... there certainly would be bad feeling if you say that you want to cut off ties because you are too attracted to your friends' wife, but think of how much worse that'd be if you ACT on the attraction.

I think that while you couldn't expect everyone to be happy about it, you'd get points for honesty and being proactive to keep both families intact.

As in, if you think you can ride it out, great, do it. If it seems like it's not happening/ not possible, then it's time to cut ties, I think, even though there will be repercussions.

I also think that keeping this in mind -- that if it's not subsiding, you will have to come clean and cut ties completely -- might help with the process. As Noddy said, you DO have control over your own brain.

Chumly and Nick make interesting points, to me.

After having a series of different points of view on all this over my own lifetime, I'll agree heartily with one thing, which is that if you are in the kind of marriage most of us typing here think of as marriage, deal with that first, second, and third. Leave if you find you can't stay the course, but put your energy there.


Infatuations, obsessions, even new real loves, all present as exciting, energizing, solutions to what has turned out to be ordinary life. They all, given a switch to them, turn out to be ordinary life too.

Some of it works out. Much doesn't.

Now that I just said all that, I like Soz's post...

Sure if you accept the Judeo-Christian-Western-Culture ethos as the only viable modus operandi for behavior.

Chumly, you keep taking things I say about specific situations and extrapolating them to non-existent general value judgements.

No, it's not the only viable modus operandi, but from everything that has been said, it doesn't sound like any variation of having an affair is a viable option here.

I agree with what you said earlier about the difference between relationships that do and don't involve children.

This one does.

Actually going back to continuous things people are saying bout severing ties , if this were to happen , shed find out anyway i reckon as there could be no other excuse to make up but anyway , dont have to think bout that cause severing cant happen .

That's what I'm saying, though.

Scenario A: You give in, you have an affair, people find out (they always do), there is hell to pay, everything goes haywire, you're living Lord Ellpus' example of seeing your kids on Sundays.

Scenario B: Before anything happens, you say with a great deal of humility that you feel awful about this but you've been waiting 2.5 years to get over it and it hasn't seemed to happen so you need to cut off ties. There will be upheaval, but it's likely to be at a much more manageable scale. You're stepping up and doing the right thing.

If it can't happen, make sure it doesn't happen, and get over it. That's your out.

Nods to both chumly and soz.