How can i take my mind off a married woman

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Hello all , this is my first post here but seeing i have a bit of an issue to tackle here and dint want to just post , i did read up and check this forum out for a few weeks to sus out the situation and i must say , there are allot of interesting topics here and replies seem more than helpful as it seems like a very supportive group .

Anyway , i will try a short story to keep you up to speed with my dilemma at the moment .

We have best friends of ours that we consider more family than friends . We are all 32 / 33 years of age and all been married for 8 years .

2 years ago for some reason , my wifes friend just came over from some day party she had and let me tell you , she was looking stunning and i never saw her in that respect as i just never did think of her if you know what i mean . Anyway from that day , i was noticing her more and more each time we would go there / they would come here .

To cut a long story short , this has now turned into an obsession i believe as i am totally hooked with her and just cant get her out of my head both sexual and companion wise .

Situation is that i get along with my wife excellently , am happily married with the normal marital arguments , just moved into our new dream home , we have a 3 year old child , money is not a strain on us , we have never had temptations that i know of .

THe party im interested in ( my mates Wife ) is same age , 2 children , would say enjoys my company buy i have absolutely no idea if she sees me as i see her . We get allong very well when going out in a group and in fact jokes have come up that it should have been a wife swap as we both married opposites ( but that is a good thing ... lol ) .

Anyway , i know this is wrong and my intention is to sever these thoughts and emotions as i DONT WANT TO GET INVOLVED IN AN AFFAIR AND WONT UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES but what im asking anyone out there that can understand what im saying is how can i get her out of my head every 3 minutes of the day . How can i put things back where they were before i started seeing her as shall we say ... gorgeouse .

Sorry for rambling on and on but ive tried many websits for help as i know i have a problem here and need help but this seems like a real good place to start .

Thanx guys and really hope to hear back soon .

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sorry but just wanted to mention some other thoughts that just spring into my head .

1. speak to her about it but dont think this is a good idea cause if she doesnt see me the same way , it could get ugly and if she takes it the wrong way could also get back to herhusband .

2. Cut off all ties but this would virtually be impossible .

3. get a close mutual friend to suss her feeling out hence eliminating problems in point 1 but this just seems a childish way to go about it .

THey are just a few things going on in my head but problem is that i am a guy so we definately think different to women so would love a womans point of view on this scenario

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Hmm. That's a very good question!

Perhaps the men and women here who are married will be of more help to you than myself. I just wanted to bring attention to this post and wish you good luck. I am betting that this is not an uncommon problem for people, as it is natural to be attracted to members of the opposite sex (even when we are devoted to someone). You have a close bond with this woman, are comfortable with her, so it is no surprise to me that this would occur eventually.

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I can't be of any help because in my mind, if you are totally in love with your spouse, this doesn't happen.

I notice other men, yes. But I don't obsess. I just don't want another man.

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We had a thread not to long ago about day dreaming about other people. i think the consensus we came to was that it was the dreaming that people are really infatuated with.

I have been mariied for nearly 5 years now and would be lying if I said I have never day dreamed about another woman. When it comes down to it, though, I love my wife and she is all I ever need. Instead of thinking about fantasies that may not ever happen, think about the real wonderful life you already have right in front of you.

Think about what first attracted you to your wife. Think about when you fist started dating and how you felt when you first kissed. Think about the day you got married and the day your kids were born. My guess is that once you are reminded of the real life you have right in front of you, these fantasy feelings that are stuck in your mind just won't be able to stack up.

By the way, welcome to A2K.

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Thanx for the thoughts flushd .

I must admit that i could never understand how people would run off with other people up until this realisation with my mates wife .

I love my wife and have a child and these are reasons for me to stay strong as i am in regards to playing the feild shall we say but as i said , i just need to work out how to drop this game and go back to the old days .

The game was fun at the start but I dont want to play anymore .

Unfortunately 80% of friends are mutual so i cant talk to anyone about this which makes it harder but i have raised scenarios to a few and from what im geting back , there has been a couple that have thought of other women but my infactuation is actually off the scales at the moment so need to work something out as i feel very uncomfortable now

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From a married man's perspective.

Do not discuss this with her. Do not have someone else discuss it with her
Consider the consequences of following through on your thoughts. Four adults and three children would be involved.

Most men are attracted to women even though they are married. We are all human and we are, after all, men. Most do not obsess over it. It takes a measure of maturity to know the difference between infatuation and love.

I can understand your situation. I think many of us can. Perhaps you should not socialize with this couple as often as you do. There is no easy answer, you just have to think of your family and tough it out.

Try taking your wife out to dinner or away for a romantic weekend once in a while so that you can appreciate her more.

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Bella D , yes i remember the wedding ceremony and a quote from a poem " love is never selfish " , well this shows that sometimes it can be unfortunately .

JPin , great words there mate , i do allot of driving during the day and i have actually printed that out and i will stick that to my dashboard so i can ponder over it during the day , tey are absolutely sensational points and in fact looking back on those memories in only the last 5 minutes of thinking and they have allready re-aligned some thoughts momentarily . Great stuff

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Glad to help. I hope it all works out for you.

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How to stop from thinking about a married woman....

Put your balls on a flat surface like say a table.

Hit them with a mallet as hard as possible.

This is guaranteed to take your mind off this woman.

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Drastic measures for drastic situations

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Grass always looks greener on the other side. You are attracted to her physical beautiful. You don't know what she is like. Anyway you need a vacation and separation from everyone. Familiarity brings contempt so being with your wife so much you obviously take her for granted.

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Ah...the good ol' "approximately two-year biochemical madness" thing again. I love these threads.

The answer is simple, my friend, but difficult.

Wait it out.

I disagree with Bella. It is quite common for people to be in satisfying relationships with their spouse and still find themselves tempted by crushes on others. In fact, the longer the marriage, the more likely it is to happen. It must be some kind of biochemical thing that our bodies or minds need. I don't know. I just know that if you're wise and you don't want to completely derail the good life you've built for yourself and your family, you have to wait it out. These things last a year or two, but no longer than that. You can do it.

The problem happens when people don't understand that crushes (infatuations) aren't real love. It's the relationship you have with your wife that is REAL love. Real love is dependent on what you've been through with someone, and knowing that the two of you will always be there. It may not be particularly exciting, but it lasts.

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onthequiet--

Welcome to A2K.

Bvt's suggestion is a little drastic, but he has a point about creating distractions for yourself.

"Obsession" is a dangerous word. It implies that you have no control over your thoughts--perhaps not even over your actions; that you are absolutely helpless in the throes of a Grand Passion.

I assume that you haven't dragged this family friend off into the bushes to rape her? You can control your actions and you can control your thoughts.

Thinking about your wife as a desirable woman is an excellent distraction. So is thinking of yourself as a strong, resolute man who can take charge of his life (and of his thoughts and actions).

Good luck.

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Yes , maybee obsesion is a bad word to use as i do have control and bloody used the control over the night at a party we had here last night .

I can assure you now there is a spark of interest from her side and to cut a long story short , i was never going to do anything with her and didnt but she was virtually my shadow that night in a sense that she was just happy to be hanging around me even if nothing was said and towards the end of the night i was within a bees dick of confronting her with how she felt in her marriage just an opening line of " is everything ok at home , life ok in general " just some light but effective lines to see if shed open up.

Im sure she knows a slight percentage of how i feel for gods sake im surprised no 1 else has picked it up .

After allot of thinking last night and today ( just got on the bike and drove for hours ) i reckon if we talked it out , this will fix my issues cause i reckon if i knew where she stood on things , it may fix my problem but as i said in second post , if im still reading it wrong , it could go the other way .

Ill still hang in there , keep quiet and take advice from a few comments here on not saying anything and give it a few more years for it to wear off .. lol .

Thanx for all the help people , this is muchly appreciated as there is no one eles in my group i could talk to about this as friends are all mutual .

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Bella Dea wrote:

I can't be of any help because in my mind, if you are totally in love with your spouse, this doesn't happen.

I notice other men, yes. But I don't obsess. I just don't want another man.

Oh another clichédeldea. It's a Spanish word I made up. It means a clichéd, superficial, shallow response.

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hmmmmmmmm....my intuition tells me there might be something else going on here. Although, I could be wrong given that I don't have enough information. (My intuitiion is almost ALWAYS right when given sufficient data)

Onthequiet, how does the husband get along with your spouse?

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Bee's dick, love it.

I very much agree with Eva here.

I don't think talking is actually the right idea (did I actually type that? my advice is nearly always the opposite), as it sounds like there is a mutual attraction, and having that talk could easily itself shade into being the catalyst.

One thing that helped with me was to think about the person as a same-sex friend. (This is assuming you're heterosexual.) We accept a lot of those things -- wanting to see someone, just liking being with them, enjoying hanging out with them, missing them when they're not around -- in a same-sex friendship without thinking "omigod I'm attracted." (Yes, I know, Roxxxanne, you needn't respond.) Men and women, as adults, often don't have that chance at close friendship outside of a romantic context, and so it is easy for "I like this person" to shade into "I'm in love with this person."

I'd say just accept that you like her and enjoy spending time with her, try to think of it as a friendship just as a friendship with any of your male buds, accept that anything further is absolutely not an option, and wait for it to pass. (If cutting off all ties is not a possibility.)

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I agree strongly with everything Eva said. This woman is very interesting to you, and I take it that it is not just for physical attraction. But, to me, love is a product of a life together, a continuing development of the back and forth of daily life - not always exciting in a biochemical physical reaction sense, as much excitement comes from the potential of the unknown.. but exciting in the long term, as an interwoven partnership of two individuals.

I agree on the wait it out concept, with the addition that I'd investigate more things for you and your wife to do together, or more interests for both of you that aren't quite so pal related all the time.

If on the other hand this attraction is an indicator that you suddenly feel your marriage is all wrong, you actually have married the wrong person - then I suggest counselling, first for yourself, then for the both of you together, and then, come what may after that.

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Noddy24 wrote:

onthequiet--

So is thinking of yourself as a strong, resolute man who can take charge of his life (and of his thoughts and actions).

Good luck.

Yes, just keep a stiff, upper lip when around her. But that's all! Stiff, that is!

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How can i take my mind off a married woman

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