Living With A Narcisstic Personality Disordered Spouse

a star is born....

i played in my first band in 1960,,,, still rocking

Me: high tech solo act even before MIDI and samplers

MA-The first rule of "show biz", is that in order for you to be successful, you need to offer what an audience wants, or no one will come to see you, not for a second time, at least.

If a person wants to make music for himself, he does in the the privacy of his own home, and should not expect other people to pay for his performance!

Phoenix,

I can't agree with you more. Even though he has such a beautiful voice and can play so well, his telling people "I don't do Garth Brooks, etc." really put people off. Toward the end of his playing career, his audiences dwindled consistently. The ones that would show up were the ones that were die hard fans of his and he could have sang Twinkle Twinkle Little Star and they would have been happy. And everyone has fans like that. I do happen to be one of his die hard fans, yes.

I've tried telling him these things. Agents have tried telling him these things. But, it's always the same. "They should just come to hear me do what I do and enjoy it." I walk away with this look on my face every time:

He rocked his way through yesterday, Lord he thought he had a chance
He played guitar and wrote some tunes, of love and romance
He did his share of travelin', like a dog without a home
A fugitive who would rather give, a star that never shone

Isn't it a pity, isn't it a shame
No one ever warned the boy
Rock n' roll is a vicious game, oh yeah

He said he wouldn't get led around, or caught up in the games
Or end up in a gallery, of faces with no names
And rock 'n' roll was in his soul, and music was a friend
He recorded a song that made us sing along, and he was on the road again

Isn't it a pity, isn't it a shame
No one ever warned the boy
Rock n' roll is a vicious game, oh oh, oh yeah, oh oh
Stage fright, ooh, and long black limousines
He's pushing himself a way too hard, or so it seems

He opened up his heart to us, he gave us what he could
We symphathized and harmonized, he made us all feel good
But it's funny how those things can change, and time can pass us by
Songs that moved us so easily, no longer make us cry

Now isn't it a pity, isn't it a shame
No one ever warned the boy
Rock n' roll is a vicious game, oh oh, oh
Oh yeah, oh, oh oh oh, oh, yeah, yeah yeah yeah
My my my, rock 'n roll is a vicious game, yeah
Rock 'n' roll, rock 'n' roll, yeah, yeah, yeah, ooh

BVT,

You're a musician? That's awesome!

Chumly,

I used to think getting up there and singing was fun and not work. Well, once I started hanging around with my hubby and going to help him set up and etc., I quickly learned just how much work does go into performing. I had no appreciation for the music business until I met him. And frankly, you can keep it. Cut-throat and cruel.

Chumly and Momma Angel,

Either we are all very much alike, or that test of Chumly's gives the same answer for all questions.

Team Player

It's not easy for a lot of other people, but you're a pro at working well with others. You enjoy groups a lot. You don't get intimidated, nor do you feel the need to shove your way front and center. You'd probably be a true asset as the member of a band who keeps people from too much infighting, or working on a collaborative art form like movie making.

Intrepid,

I kind of like the idea that we are all team players. We can let BVT be the star.

From what I understand, he was in his day. Probably still is.

Think we know him?

Thought I would update everyone a little bit. He's been practicing every night for a couple of hours and it is making a big difference. He noticed it himself! He's been much more understanding and less tense lately.

He did get some good news today. His boss' boss changed his evaluation! He had a long talk with his boss and hubby ended up with a raise. It really helped him that at Corporate Headquarters they knew who he was and what a good job he does.

I am very proud of him and I told him so! I have been seeing a bit more of the man I married and I'm liking that a lot!

That's wonderful!

Good for him self-esteem is where it's at, especially if you are a musician; we are such a sensitive & sexy bunch

It's been nice around here for the past couple of days. Real nice.

I sure appreciate all of your help! It made it a lot easier for me to get through!

We had a looooonnnnnnggggg talk Friday. Got it all out. Everything. My concerns, his concerns. It actually went quite well.

Last night, he brought me 20 beautiful long-stemmed red roses. He said, "I used to buy you flowers with my last penny and now I have money in my pocket and I hope it means the same." I cried!

Then I decided to run out and get us something to eat. I got the truck stuck in the mud! I sat there for a few minutes knowing I had to go in and tell him what a stupid thing I did and he was going to hit the roof!

Well, just as I was getting out of the truck, he came outside and I actually ducked my head to hide. He came up to the window and calmly told me to just back up the struck a bit straighter and he would push.

It took a few times doing this and he was covered in slung mud but he didn't raise his voice or lose his temper at all! He actually laughed about it!

That's the man I married. That's the man I will always be in love with.

I almost cried.

awwww. Yeaa !

I am sooooooooooo happy about this! He called me from work today to see how I was feeling and said not to cook he's bringing dinner home!

I am going to take this one day at a time but I made sure to tell him how much it meant to me that he didn't get angry about the truck getting stuck. Actually, that meant more to me than the roses.

He understood!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Well, that all lasted what? a whole six days? Yeah, a whole six days. It's back to how much he hates his life and everything about it again. He has been off work for three days now and promised to fix my dryer that has been broken for a couple of months. It takes six hours to dry one load of clothes. Grrrrrrrrrrrrr!

I'm tired. I have had a headache for the past four days and can't sleep. I am trying to make a decision about what to do with the rest of my life.
I have a dream that I want to fulfill in this life. I want to do some real good for people. I want to move my organization to Greenville, SC and have our headquarters there. I am somehow going to make that happen.

As long as I am on this particular roller coaster, I'll never get there. I know that. He hates what I do. He hates it that it takes the focus off of him.

I'm so tired of hoping things will be better and then they are for a week and then they go right back to where they were again.

When he started in on his "I hate my life" speech last night, I said "Nevermind. You hate your life. You hate your job. You hate your home. You hate me. Did I leave anything out? He just looked at me and then went to the bedroom. Go figure, huh?

narcissist spouse
Hi Arella:

I have been married to a husband like this for ten years.

I remember things being a lot better at first.

We have 17 acres, a motorcycle, a boat, an ATV, trucks, cars, you
name it. and a house too. You reminded me of him, because I asked
him , what do you have to be grateful for? And he says nothing, i don't
have anything to be grateful for.

He has become very abusive towards me, putting me down all the time,
nothing I do is right.

He won't go for counseling. He says he will change, not much just a
a little bit.

He has a way of reeling me back in, by being charming at times.

He tells me so many lies anymore, I don't know what to believe.
I thought we were close, but now I don't know if he really means the
things he says to me.
It's very hard to keep trying, when he won't do anything that I ask, to
meet my needs. Good luck, and keep getting support.

Carrol