Wrong Answer Game

Q: Butchers are well-known for 'boosting' the weight of meat a person wishes to purchase by pressing their thumb on the scales... why don't the authorities amputate all butcher's thumbs so as to put an end to this evil practice?

A: Without thumbs, butchers would be all thumbs, ironically, and since they handle knives all day, they would be very dangerous.

Q: Are dreams real?

Q: Are dreams real?

A: All but the fake ones.

Q: How often should a person trim their nails?

Q: How often should a person trim their nails?

A: If you hammer them enough, you won't need to trim them.

Q: How can you tell up from down in a weightless space capsule?

coluber - Q: How can you tell up from down in a weightless space capsule?

A: By looking out the observation window and determining where the Earth is! The Earth rests on the back of a giant turtle; the turtle is larger than the Earth so bits don't fall over the edges; by observing that the turtle-shell edge is in a certain position, you can determine which was is 'down' ('Up' is the opposite)

Q: What tune is played when accountants 'fiddle the books'?

Q: What tune is played when accountants 'fiddle the books'?

A: Folsom Prison Blues

Q: Is there money in music?

Q: Is there money in music?

A: I've been listening to it all my life, and not once did money come with it.

Q: How can you tell whether or not an egg is rotten?

Glennn - Q: How can you tell whether or not an egg is rotten?

A: This conundrum is a perfect example of when a person should bow to the superior knowledge of an elder! You take the egg to your Grandmother and ask her to teach you how to suck eggs

Q: My electric car does not come with a crank handle! How can I start my car when the battery is flat?

Q: My electric car does not come with a crank handle! How can I start my car when the battery is flat?

A: Check the back seat. There should be a key to wind-up a spring. This is when it comes in handy to have kids.

Q: Rubber-band-driven model airplanes are making a comeback. Will this type of drive ever be applicable to full size airliners?

Q: Rubber-band-driven model airplanes are making a comeback. Will this type of drive ever be applicable to full size airliners?

A: Unfortunately, that's just a pipe dream of some people who own an awful lot of stock in the rubber market. No, I'm afraid that kind of drive-system is only going to be applicable to trains and tractors and small, two-seater Cessnas.

Q: Why were marbles invented?

Glennn - Q: Why were marbles invented?

A: So the British could steal them!

https://www.artnews.com/art-news/news/parthenon-marbles-british-museum-restitution-1234605904/

Q: Less than 2% of the World's people are red-headed - how many of these people are left-handed?

Q: Less than 2% of the World's people are red-headed - how many of these people are left-handed?

A: About 7% . . . unless you also count the ones who've lost their right hand in factory accidents or exceptionally brutal fistfights; then it's more like 16%. However, there is a 68% chance that I'm only 47% correct in my assessment.

Q: Is hard water really bad for you?

Q: Is hard water really bad for you?

A: Hard water isn't especially bad for your health; it's just difficult to live with because it encrusts plumbing systems and doesn't interact with soap very well to act as a cleaning agent. Beyond that, it is no more dangerous than plain water. That being said, any water is deadly if inhaled or plunging upon it from a great height.
 
Q: Is it dangerous being in a body of water during a lightning storm?

Q: Is it dangerous being in a body of water during a lightning storm?

A: No it is not. That's an old wives' tale that was used to explain away bodies of people who'd been abducted by aliens, but who put up such a fight once inside their ship that they were shot with an electric-type ray-gun before being dumped in a lake or pond.

Q: Exactly who started the feud between dogs and cats?

Glennn - Q: Exactly who started the feud between dogs and cats?

A: There was a falling out between two Greek goddesses and they never ever spoke again! Hecate, the dog Goddess v Artemis, the cat Goddess! We all know how faithful dogs are, so Hecate's woofy automatically despised Artemis' evil, spiteful, ignorant, cruel, selfish, vicious feline... it all went downhill from there

Q: Why do some racehorses run with their tongue hanging out?

https://www.pinterest.com.au/pin/horses-horse-racing-animals--159244536797847032/

Q: Why do some racehorses run with their tongue hanging out?

A: Obvious sign of disrespect which is a hate crime in the racehorse world. Rest assured that that son of a bitch was reported and dealt with! His tongue is as good as removed!!

Q: Exactly who started the feud between dogs and mail-men?

Glennn - Q: Exactly who started the feud between dogs and mail-men?

A: Joseph Hudson! In 1883 Hudson invented the pea whistle... unbeknownst to him, the sound his whistle produces is the exact sound air makes when being expelled from the lungs of a large animal (moose, horse etc, such animals being the prey of wolves since ancient times) as it is dragged down by the wolf pack... this sound, to a dog (being a direct descendant of wolves), is as recognisable as a dinner gong is to you and I - so, Postman Pat places a letter in your letterbox and blows his whistle to let you know 'you've got mail'... Woofy, in the backyard, dozing, dreaming of the sweet little poodle next door, hears this sound and says to himself 'Lunchtime!' - Woofy hurries around to the front gate and all he sees is Postman Pat and no food! - This happens day after day until Woofy puts the word out that Postman Pat is fair play, and a glutton!

Q: Why are tomatoes round? Wouldn't it be easier to pack them in those little box thingys the supermarket uses if they were square?

A: I think the Japanese already make tomatoes square, or maybe it's watermelons. If it's a square deal, it'll work.

Q: What have crickets got to do with the game of cricket? Why not call it wicket?

Too complicated, the wicket would have to be renamed cricket, and you'd be bowling at the cricket instead of the wicket while playing cricket.

And sticky cricket makes no sense.

Why do all Americans get angry when they're pissed?

Q: Why do all Americans get angry when they're pissed?

A: In America, when you're pissed, you're angry. In England, when you're pissed, you're happily drunk.

Q: Is golf a competitive sport or not?
 

Q: Is golf a competitive sport or not?

A: Yes. Whoever finishes first wins.

Q: Do people put too much trust in their coffee-cup handles?