Wrong Answer Game

Wrong answer game


Q: There are those who believe that the Earth is heating up... do you think it worth my while to invest in a company that makes HUGE umbrellas? (Big enough to cover whole cities and towns)

A: I think the Simpson's did something like that. Mr Burns blocked out the sun to gain a monopoly on electricity  generation. It didn't end well with Burns getting shot by an infant. Umbrellas are not a bad idea, but they should be small and numerous with leaves, and they already exist as trees.

Q: If you're not a criminal on the run, would walking be healthier than jogging?

coluber - Q: If you're not a criminal on the run, would walking be healthier than jogging?

A: Walking is much healthier than jogging. Scientific investigations have proven this time and again. When you jog (or run) the pressure exerted on your spine by having your entire body weight spread over the area of that part of your foot in contact with the ground is enormous! The 'shock-wave' of that exertion runs from your foot to the top of your head via the spine, and dissipates out sideways. Your intestines and vital organs get buffeted by the shock. Your internal temperature gets raised to way above normal and can cause all sorts of problems with your natural cooling system, including dehydration

The best part about walking is that it gives you plenty of time to case a neighbourhood and not cause suspicion

Q: Why do we put certain words in a definite order? I mean, why is it 'gin and tonic' and not vice versa? Why 'hard and fast', 'last but not least', 'hot and cold', 'this and that' and so on...

Q: Why do we put certain words in a definite order? I mean, why is it 'gin and tonic' and not vice versa? Why 'hard and fast', 'last but not least', 'hot and cold', 'this and that' and so on...

A: The urge to be right and accepted.

Q: What's a good cure for insomnia?

Q: What's a good cure for insomnia?

A: The threat of death if you don't get to sleep.

Q: Who invented carpet?

Q: Who invented carpet?

A: The drapery man.

Q: What does it tell you if the carpet doesn't match the drapes?

coluber - Q: What does it tell you if the carpet doesn't match the drapes?

A: That the carpet shop and the drapery aren't owned by the same family

Q: If a Chinese person was in charge of quality control, could they be called a Chinese Checker?

Q: If a Chinese person was in charge of quality control, could they be called a Chinese Checker?

A: Only if you're sure they had all their marbles.

Q: Is a marble made from marble?

 

coluber - Q: Is a marble made from marble?

A: How can I tell? I've lost all mine

Q: Do bees get hives?

Q: Do bees get hives?

A: Only the ones that are allergic to honey or pollen.
 
Q: This is a leap year. Is it safe to take the leap? if we don't, then what happens?

coluber - Q: This is a leap year. Is it safe to take the leap? If we don't, then what happens?

A: It is always safe to take a leap of faith!

'One new perception, one fresh thought, one act of surrender, one change of heart, one leap of faith, can change your life forever'

However, this Dant suspects that the Snakeman is referring to the now redundant old-wives-tale that it is acceptable for a male to propose marriage to a female in a Leap Year... it is, in fact, now acceptable for a person to propose marriage to another person at any time in any year... But, if we accept the old adage, and the male doesn't propose to the female, then the male is condemned to a further four years of solitude and a fatter wallet

Q: Talking of marriage - why is it called 'a honeymoon' when we all know that the Moon is made of cheese?

Off topic - the local television news is full of the fact that the US has made another successful moon landing - the footage is fantastic!

Q: Talking of marriage - why is it called 'a honeymoon' when we all know that the Moon is made of cheese?

A: We've already established that the moon is made of Limburger cheese or other stinky cheeses. Nobody would get married if the first stage was the Limberger moon. Marriages are made of various cheeses, some good some ugly, and we enter marriage thinking it's all honey and by the time we come to the stinky cheese part we're stuck in the honey. But, eventually we develop a taste for the cheeses. That's maturity, I think.

Q: The unity of marriage is symbolized by the ring. So, how did the diamond gain such significance in the wedding ring?
 

coluber - Q: The unity of marriage is symbolized by the ring. So, how did the diamond gain such significance in the wedding ring?

A: While some wedding rings undoubtably contain small diamonds, the majority of diamond rings signify an engagement between two persons who, after signing a pre-nuptial agreement, get married one to the other... the engagement ring is provided by the dominant partner to show undying love to the other person; diamonds are said to last 'forever' and the dominant partner wants the other person to know that their committment is 'for ever'... all this, of course, is an old wives tale... the dominant partner uses the diamond engagement ring as a sort of down-payment for current and future services... the dominated partner can sell the ring to finance something or other should the unity of marriage fail... the only winners in all this are the jewellers

Q: Back to the moon... in a previous post it was mentioned that a buggy sort of thingy had been landed successfully on the moon... we now learn that the buggy has 'tipped over'... who was driving at the time?

Q: Back to the moon... in a previous post it was mentioned that a buggy sort of thingy had been landed successfully on the moon... we now learn that the buggy has 'tipped over'... who was driving.

A: It could have been Murphy of Murphy's Law, or the Coyote, or Till Eulenspiegel, or any of a number of tricksters in various traditions.
 
Q: Pigs are just as faithful companions as dogs, so why do the Chinese eat dogs and we eat pigs?

Q: Pigs are just as faithful companions as dogs, so why do the Chinese eat dogs and we eat pigs?

A: Because it is as true today as it has been since the beginning of time that you always hurt the one you love.

Q: If I'm a vegetarian, and I can't help but consume some dust in my house, does that mean I've eaten flesh?

Glennn - Q: If I'm a vegetarian, and I can't help but consume some dust in my house, does that mean I've eaten flesh?

A: Of course it does Glennn - dust to dust, ashes to ashes etc - but it is in a modified form! You can rest easy, because you are among friends! You are not a cannibal, put that out of your mind immediately! Rather, you can consider that you are in fact taking part in a religious ritual, along with millions of others who line up regularly, poke out their tongue, and listen to a religious personage intone the body of Christ as a small stale cracker is placed on their tongue! Then there is the part about the blood of Christ, which, in reality, is sour past-use-by date red wine. Participating in this ritual doesn't make these people cannibals or vampires! You can be sure that among those millions there will be about 22% who are vegetarians Rest easy Glennn, and enjoy your lentils

Q: Why does the rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain?

Q: Why does the rain in Spain fall mainly on the plain?

A: Because, unlike the beautiful people, the plain don't believe umbrellas are a good investment.

Q: When I was a child, why did I have to approach god on bended knees, my hands clasped together and out in front of me where he can see them, and with my head bowed and eyes closed?

Q: When I was a child, why did I have to approach god on bended knees, my hands clasped together and out in front of me where he can see them, and with my head bowed and eyes closed?

A: Children confuse the divine with a dictator/king. Nothing's changed.

Q: Why do snakes dislike people?

coluber - Q: Why do snakes dislike people?

A: Because they are sick of seeing their relatives draped over the arm of some wannabe, or, worse, encasing the sweaty rancid feet of 'sweet-young-things' that think it is OK to kill creatures for so-called 'fashion'!

Q: How did it come about that the bottom of my foot is called the 'sole'? I mean, there are fish called 'Sole' - does this mean that my ancestors wore fish for shoes?

Q: How did it come about that the bottom of my foot is called the 'sole'? I mean, there are fish called 'Sole' - does this mean that my ancestors wore fish for shoes.

A: Maybe, but it's more likely that fish had feet at one time, and this species only had one foot, it's sole foot.

Q: People in Hinckley, Ohio welcome back vultures every Spring with a celebration. Would the vultures return to Hinckley anyway without the celebration?

coluber - Q: People in Hinckley, Ohio welcome back vultures every Spring with a celebration. Would the vultures return to Hinckley anyway without the celebration?

A: Yes - these vultures (politicians, snake-oil salespersons, pick-pockets and those of that ilk) make sure they mark the date of the next celebration on their calendar (or hand-held device, as the case may be) so that they don't forget that the simple folk of Hinckley Ohio are rich pickings, and will provide enough 'takings' to see them over the next winter

Q: How did the saying 'to pass the hat around' originate? What if the person involved didn't own a hat? What then?