I'm Having An Affair w/Married Man

I'm wondering what i should do if he tries to contact me. I am desperately trying to get over him. Will i fall back into temptation? I mean what is it that he sees in me to forget his newly wed wife? Why did he marry in the first place if he knew he was going to give into temptation so easily. The fact that he didn't care how old i was boggles the mind. what do u guys think?

We are not infalliable. If you fall down, then get back up. The man "forgets" his wife because he is selfish and only thinks of himself. He "forgets" his wife and he will "forget" you someday. This guy doesn't care about anyone but himself. You deserve better. If he contacts you, be firm with him. Tell him you refuse to see a man who is married. Tell him he betrayed your trust and that you can't forgive that. Be honest and let him know you want nothing to do with him.

Thanks for the advice Bella. I will do that if he calls me. Until then I will have to face the challenge of being attached to him. Its hard when he makes u the center of his attention and affection. To cut off something that seems so comforting is difficult. Im struggling to deal with it.

Yes it is hard but there are plenty of people here who will support you when you need that "don't do it!" pep talk. :wink:

You sound smart. Good luck!

Hi Dolly, Welcome to A2K!

Bella has given you some great advice. Not only is this guy selfish, he's also a liar and a cheat. You have more maturity at 18 years old than he does at 30. Why would you want to get saddled with a man like this? He has lots of personal baggage and chances are, if he was hitting on you one month after his wedding, he's already started hitting on someone else. I would suggest you offer to talk to his wife the next time he calls. You really don't need this man in your life.

Best wishes to you, Dolly.

yea i plan on staying out of contact. Yea as a matter of fact his wife did call me at one point and it was the most awkward situation. I didn't know wat to say to her and i was angry at him for putting me in that situation. I felt bad for her. Everytime something goes wrong between them and he disappears, now she has my number to call me. Which she did on a couple of occasions. tsk tsk.

Just to note. . .

Anyone, man or woman that sleeps with a married man/woman is asking for trouble. You can't enter into any kind of relationship with someone that is currently married and expect happy, sunshiney results. Just avoid it.

Sorry if this is overly blunt, but it's fairly hard for me to drudge up any kind of sympathy or help for someone that cheats, or has been the "other" in an affair.

questioner- i agree with you. I dont know if this is directed towards me but if u read my earlier posts"i didnt know until later"...and when i found out i let him go. But other than that important detail that u missed. I do agree with you.

No, no. Not directed to anyone in particular. I've just read several times in several different threads where someone has come forward with a problem that involves a relationship with a married person.

I sort of came in on the tail-end of the conversation and added that bit.

I think u are absolutley correct. Having affairs with maried people causes trouble and it causes tremendous heartarche. The reason why people , in my opinion continue these things is because there is a void that is within themselves that they need each other to fill. I think if you look within the person u are married to, the qualities of your current lover then you have no need of your current lover at all.

Vixen
Vixen,
Hi, I am new here, but have seen your post & needed to reply. I've been in a similiar situation & I need to tell you to flee. The only way you can gte over this & live the moral life you want & claim to live is to say GOODBYE FOREVER to this man.
Believe me, staying in contact with him & trying to rationalize a friendship will only lead you down the wrong path. Have the courage to say good bye, do it for yourself. And for Him. It took me awhile to come to this on my own, but as long as you keep it going with him, your emotions will be in turmoil & you will never have that peace inside. Believe me I speak from experience, it will be hard at first, but you CAN DO IT!!! Blessings, Ari

I come from a whole family of affairs. My Mom cheated on my Dad and left him for the guy, I never knew that was who he was until they broke up, I was too young. My step-dad who I am very close with cheated on my Mom for a year, but they stayed together.

It put my family and myself through a lot. I don't trust like I should, I always believe if guys get a good opportunity to cheat and us not find out, they will do it.

My family has gone through one rough thing after another, Mom found out about the affair, I was diagnosed with cancer a few months later, and I get a lot of blame for things because of my cancer. My mom says she can't quit smoking because she is too stressed over my cancer, she couldn't move where she wanted because I got cancer. Now that I am getting better she wants me to move my wedding date up sooner so that she can move, I refuse.

Realize the toll this will take on your daughters, and what they will forever think about you, it doesn't go away. Also if you end up with this man how do you think his children will think of you? Nothing good I can tell you that.

Commiserating with a tough life story, wswesey, doesnt sound like you got dealt fair cards ... strength to you.

Not much to add, otherwise; but seeing what you wrote about your mother, you might be interested in this thread: Giving up on my mother. Title sounds a bit harsh, yes - but it's a thread FreeDuck started to share some of the issues / problems she's had with her mother, and other posters later joined in, to make it somewhat of a collective "how to deal with the troubles your mother can throw in your way" thread.

To the "lady" sleep'n with a married man (can't remember your name).

You make me sick, this thread shouldn't even be this many pages. I have no reason to associate with anyone like you.

Dump him and **** up someone elses' life your good at it...........what comes around goes around.

signed.........pissed off plowboy

Thank You All
First thank you all for your posts. Some of you have stated excellent responses and shared your own heart felt experiences. They are helping me to cope with my current situation.

I fell really hard for a man in a very short time because he was everything I'm looking for and we had most wonderful times. However, after 3 months of being in cloud nine I found out that he's married with a child. I broke off the relationship but I'm in a mourning stage and contemplating all possible manners of what if situations. For now, I have adapted a platonic friendship with him and still see him couple times a week...just for few hours. I guess I'm taking this route to transition out slowly. Tried cold turkey and couldn't handle the pain.

I just want to express that you guys are helping me to make a better decision because I'm constantly going back and forth between my heart and head.

Miss Purple- Welcome to A2K!

Do you realize what you are saying? You were seeing this man for three months, and he "forgot" to mention that he had a wife and child. If I were you, I would "bite the bullet", and end the affair, cold. Yeah, it would hurt, but what you are doing to yourself will ultimately hurt more. Get rid of this cheat and liar, regroup, and get on with your life. Good luck!

Rodbogey,

I agree with you. Just because a person cheats doesn't make them a bad person, or a bad parent, and just because they decided to marry someone and happen to have children, doesn't mean they should stay with their spouse forever if they are really unhappy. It's not to say that you shouldn't work at your marriage and try to make it work, and fix what's wrong, but when you've tried to do that, and/or your spouse doesn't want to acknowledge that something is wrong, that doesn't mean you need to be miserable the rest of your life. one day the children will grow up, and move out, and you will be left looking at this person and hating that you are stuck with someone you don't love anymore. It's harder and harder to find someone new as you get older. My aunt, bless her, is an idiot because she's done this same thing. Hung onto a marriage because she didn't want to upset her son. Now her son is 22 years old and would prefer his mother is happy with someone, and instead, she is alone, 56 years old, and can't find anyone. She spends her nights alone, and i know she is lonely. Her ex husband was lucky enough to find a woman and he's happy, but I feel that its particularly hard for women to find a new love as they get older. At least that's hw it seems in my opinion.

My point to all is this is this- yes, when you agreed to marry someone, you agreed to support them through better or worse, but you didnt agree to stay miserable forever with them if one day you realized you really do not love them anymore. You should make the effort to repair a marriage, but honestly, if at the end of the day you've tried and still it doesn't work, why stay miserable? this society tends to favour the longevity of a marriage, which is great it it is working, but a miserable marriage is no better , and perhaps far worse, than a divorce. A divorce has imminent, acute pain. Hell, my parents got divorced, and I was massively upset, but now that Im 26 years old it is what it is. I have a beautiful half-brother and sister that I never would have had if my parents hadn't split up. Things happen for a reason. Don't pigeonhole people based on biased views of some skewed morality.

To the OP, if you really love this guy and he loves you, then continue to see him, but tell him he needs to feel comfortable with himself before you can commit to him longterm. its ok to keep seeing him, but dont move in with him. Let him live on his own for a while and get ued to the fact that his life is changing. If he really loves you at the end of this transition period he'll still be seeing you. Good luck.

I agree with rodbogey....I know so many people who are just completely miserable, yet stay in the marriage because of their religious views, children, or what their friends might think. Marriage is work, and let's face it, work sucks. People who claim to be "so HAPPY" after 15 years of marriage, I fear may be on some good tranquilizers. I guess it depends on the type of person you are - some people love the day-to-day boredom..[cough] uh, I meant stability... that comes with marriage. Others are more of the dreamer/seeker types who constantly seek out new experiences and therefore find marriage to be more stifling. I don't think this question will ever be solved - stability on the one hand, romance on the other, although the romance is always riskier because you may end up alone at the end of the day. I'm sure a lot more people deal with this than you could ever imagine, and very few are willing to admit it.

Ok, lets cut the bullshit.
First off, there are explanations for what the poster of this topic (whore) was doing, but there are NO excuses. You and the bastard are BOTH to blame. Stop playing the victim. Come clean and tell his wife. Or MAKE HIM do it. She at least deserves that respect.You need therapy to understand why you went for a married man. What can you get from a married man that you couldn't get from a single guy? What was to stop him filing for a separtion or divorce first? He wants to have his cake and eat it. Maybe you have daddy issues perhaps? Didn't get validation from your father so you resort to being part of someone else's pain (his wife) and selfishly go after what you want? You are BOTH incredibly selfish, stupid and horrible people. Only with therapy can you work out how to mend this awful mess you BOTH created and focus on being better individuals. How would YOU like it if YOUR HUSBAND was the one having the affair? Think about it... idiot.

Little late for this pep talk, darlin'....the poster started this thread in 2005.