Previous
1
2
3
4
5
...
10
11
12
Next

Read Discussion
Reply to All

1

husband looking at porn

NSFW Forums: Relationships, Porn
Email this Topic • Print this Page

blondie71079 wrote:

I just can't believe him when he tells me that he loves my body and then none of the sites are girls with stretchmarks.com or smallchestsarehot.com. I will never be able to accept it.

He loves you and your body..they are real. And it sounds like he knows the difference. Jsut because someone fantasizes about something doesn't mean they really want it. A lot of fantasies are hot only when you know they will never really happen. The safe way to enjoy weird/bizarre/taboo/otherwise unacceptable things.

I am not saying let it go. I am saying he is not abnormal. And neither are you. Porn is a choice. He can either accept that you will not accept it or he can disregard your feelings and continue to use it. You can either accept it and be miserable or tell him that if he doesn't stop you can't be with him. Life is full of choices. We must pick and choose our battles. Is this big enough to destroy your marriage? Because if it is, then I suggest walking now.

0 Replies

Blondie, I use porn when I need to. I agree a lot with what Proteinm wrote. Porn doesn't change the way I feel about my wife's wonderful body... the way she moves, feels, tastes, smells, moans etc. Porn is not very sophisticated really, it just fires off some of the neurons which help us get off. My wife sets off the whole lot! When things are a bit shaky in a relationship we (guys) tend to overdo the porn because it's easy and uncomplicated. I hope my random unconnected thoughts help you with your situation. Can you get away on a short holiday for a few days?

0 Replies

Blondie, I was just wondering... do you do laundry and cleaning every day?

0 Replies

Montana wrote:

Missgreeneyes
That's may be easy for you to say and telling others to accept something that totally goes against their grain is absurd. Telling her to accept it is like telling her to put up with him cheating, because to those of us who feel this way about it, that's exactly what it is.
quote]

Montana,
First of all im not telling anyone to accept anything i gave my view on this subject my own opinion and thats what this site is for is it not, to view others opinions? Second of all Porn and cheating are two totally different levels cheating being physical and porn being mental you know brain stimuli. Im just saying if you cant be sexually open with your partner then you really shouldn't be with that person. I Wouldn't ever tell a man that i don't like porn then watch it behind his back hell no!! its more like pull up a cushion and ill pass the lube lol (sorry)

0 Replies

Ok I'm with you on the you-were-just-giving-your-opinion miss green....

But please don't start a porn and cheating are two different things debate.
Some people consider kissing cheating, and some people consider it to be sex. Kissing isn't all that sexual: it's the idea that you were attracted to somebody else, wanted to be with somebody else, thought about them in that way. Porn has all that: PLUS the idea that your SO is actually having an orgasm thinking about somebody that isn't you.

Now don't get me wrong, i can write all that and actually I kinda jus accept it. But for some people it's just as heavy a betrayal and you shouldn't trivialise that.

0 Replies

blondie71079 wrote:

I had my own addiction. I was a cocaine addict. At first he just asked that I not do it around him. Eventually he put his foot down and said that he absolutely did not like it and wanted me to stop. Guess what CHEMICAL addiction I gave up? Why? Because he was more important to me. Do I miss it? Yes sometimes. Can I get it? Yup, whenever I want. Do I? Nope. So what is the difference?

There is one major difference between cocaine addiction and porn addiction - porn addiction is not lethal. It does not have any side effects, either (since he was browsing porn before he met you, you can not distinguish a porn-free version of him from a porn-surfing version. You can also not claim that surfing porn has been affecting your relationship in a bad way, because that would mean your relationship was bad from the start anyway OR something else is affecting your relationship and you are blaming porn for it - which has always been there)

These render porn addiction to be a matter of personal choice. It does not affect the relationship and it is invisible (unless you discover it). It is like picking your nose secretly when you are in the bathroom.

As for the discussion on whether surfing porn when you are involved in a relationship is cheating or not... I do not consider it cheating as it is a one way thing - you are affected by the naked women on the screen but you can not affect them. This is as innocent as thinking about having sex another woman when you are involved with someone (which happens a lot unless you explicitly try to block those thoughts). This is only my opinion and I know that my partner may not agree with me on this one. That is exactly why I keep my porn addiction a secret.

0 Replies

I think you went beyond expressing your opinion, greeneyes!

Missgreeneyes wrote:

shmookiedoo,
I have to reply to your question, First of all i am a 25 y/o female and engaged. I can understand your feelings of distrust and hurt about this subject. But i am on the other side of this fence i feel that Porn weather it be on line, mags ,video's etc.. is perfectly accepctable for Men and Women to view and Enjoy either together or seperately.

This is an opinion!

missgreeneyes wrote:

Im Just so shocked that noone has reality checked you yet.

This is simply an insult!

missgreeneyes wrote:

i mean come on i understand that you dont like porn but to ask him to stop because you are uncomfortable with it and find it offensive to me is a little too much hey youre a big girl and you knew he liked porn in the begining.

I also take this as rather insulting!

missgreeneyes wrote:

So i say Hey if he wants to rub one out. Let him rub one out, just tell him to wash down the shower curtain after hes through lol Remember you can rub one out too !!

Here you're telling her what she should do!

missgreeneyes wrote:

Ps. try a lil toothpaste on ur bud mmm mity cool

I don't even know what this means!

0 Replies

Proteinn
You are very wrong in saying that porn does not effect a relationship and that there had to be problems with the relationship outside of the porn. It certainly does not effect all relationship as lots of women are ok with it, but those of us who are very much not ok with it go through the same pain as one goes through when they found out their partner is cheating.
It may not be cheating to you, but it is to some of us and I for one am pretty tired of being treated like I someone who needs a "reality check"!
These women are coming here to get support from others who are or may be going through the same thing and they don't need to be told how to feel or to be told they should accept it.
I've been there and I know how much pain they are going through, which is why I'm here to give my support.
I have nothing against porn if both parties are accepting of it, but I do see a huge problem with it if it's hurting the person you claim to love and you continue on with it. This shows that the porn means more to you than the person you share your life with.
If you knew how painful it was to another person and continue to disregard those feelings, then you don't care very much about them at all.

0 Replies

Bekaboo wrote:

But please don't start a porn and cheating are two different things debate.
Some people consider kissing cheating, and some people consider it to be sex. Kissing isn't all that sexual: it's the idea that you were attracted to somebody else, wanted to be with somebody else, thought about them in that way. Porn has all that: PLUS the idea that your SO is actually having an orgasm thinking about somebody that isn't you.

Again Proteinm has said what I was going to say. I'll just add that with porn the user does not...

Quote:

want to be with somebody else

...the whole point is that porn is virtual (in a book, magazine, or on the screen) and that you don't have to be with any of the women (I would need a much bigger house if that was my goal!). If I was single I might wish to meet someone like I see in porn, but I am not and I don't, and that is that.

0 Replies

Montana wrote:

Proteinn
You are very wrong in saying that porn does not effect a relationship and that there had to be problems with the relationship outside of the porn. It certainly does not effect all relationship as lots of women are ok with it, but those of us who are very much not ok with it go through the same pain as one goes through when they found out their partner is cheating.
It may not be cheating to you, but it is to some of us and I for one am pretty tired of being treated like I someone who needs a "reality check"!
These women are coming here to get support from others who are or may be going through the same thing and they don't need to be told how to feel or to be told they should accept it.
I've been there and I know how much pain they are going through, which is why I'm here to give my support.
I have nothing against porn if both parties are accepting of it, but I do see a huge problem with it if it's hurting the person you claim to love and you continue on with it. This shows that the porn means more to you than the person you share your life with.
If you knew how painful it was to another person and continue to disregard those feelings, then you don't care very much about them at all.

I never said that porn doesn't affect a relationship. What I said was that if porn addiction is not discovered, it is invisible. What affects the relationship is the discovery of you partner's porn addiction. This is unlike cocaine, which causes mental disorder. That is my point.

And whether it may affect a relationship when it is discovered or not lies in the discussion about whether surfing porn is cheating or not. If blondie considers surfing porn cheating, then they really should split up. Really. She'll never be sure if he's going to browse porn again even if he says he won't. As he has been doing it until now, chances are he does not consider it cheating - and this is a fundamental disagreement. He will never take it as seriously as blondie does.

0 Replies

There is one major difference between cocaine addiction and porn addiction - porn addiction is not lethal. It does not have any side effects, either (since he was browsing porn before he met you, you can not distinguish a porn-free version of him from a porn-surfing version. You can also not claim that surfing porn has been affecting your relationship in a bad way, because that would mean your relationship was bad from the start anyway OR something else is affecting your relationship and you are blaming porn for it - which has always been there)

An addiction is an addiction in my book. I understand one is lethal. But he wasn't thinking of it in only the sense that it could kill me. But when someone uses drugs it alters his or her personality. Just as using porn in a sense alters ones personality. It is a personality trait about his that I absolutely dislike. And it does affect our relationship in a bad way. Yes I clean and do wash almost everyday. And if he is saying that he is in the basement working, but then I find out he was looking at porn for two hours instead of the latter, well then I think he coud be helping me more with the baby and the house. I would say that that affects a relationship. I understand that everyone is entitled to there opinion and choices. And so am I. And if you are sneaking looking at porn and I don't know about it, then he in a sense took my right to choose away from me. If I don't know how can I choose? And as I said bepre, there is much more to consider now. And I am even more angry because of that.

0 Replies

Blondie, i really have no advice as to what to do about it. Really in order for things to change, it has to be a widespread effort. porn is way too readily available, and even for men who make a sincere effort to put it down, the temptation is much too great, due to outside influences. Can you imagine trying to stop doing cocain when its constantly in your face.
The only things i can suggest....Is to A) leave him B) go to counceling together and there is couseling for sexual addictions including porn. C) if that doesn't fly, get counseling for yourself, because you are going through a trying time, and your self esteem is suffering, also you have a new baby...you have to try to do something for yourself so you can be the best mommy you can be. The last thing you should do is sit and suffer, i would never advise anyone to just grin and bear it. I strongly suggest trying the couseling for the both of you, or you alone, before actually leaving. Because you could end up with an outcome that would be even more shattering. He could possibly choose porn over you, and your child.

0 Replies

Thanks, escvelocity. It is a very trying time. I have written him a letter and we shall see where we will go from there. Sometimes it is easier to write because you don't get so frustrated and lose your train of thought.
Cocaine is that readily available to me, which is why it is even harder for me to understand. And I wouldn't have even been that upset if he broke down every once and a while. I would have just bitten my lip. But it was a lot more than that. I was 8 mos prego and couldnt sleep at night with horrible heartburn and he's are looking at porn. I will keep you posted.

0 Replies

blondie71079 wrote:

An addiction is an addiction in my book. I understand one is lethal. But he wasn't thinking of it in only the sense that it could kill me. But when someone uses drugs it alters his or her personality. Just as using porn in a sense alters ones personality.

That is very true. I did not say anything that contradicts this and agree with it completely.

blondie71079 wrote:

It is a personality trait about his that I absolutely dislike. And it does affect our relationship in a bad way.

I agree. You may or may not like a person who is addicted to porn. That is your right.

However, do you think it is his porn addiction that is affecting your relationship (i.e. is he acting strangely as a side effect of browsing porn?)? Or is it your discovery of his porn addiction that is affecting your relationship (i.e. you are so disgusted that you can not perceive your relationship as it used to be?)?

blondie71079 wrote:

Yes I clean and do wash almost everyday. And if he is saying that he is in the basement working, but then I find out he was looking at porn for two hours instead of the latter, well then I think he coud be helping me more with the baby and the house. I would say that that affects a relationship.

He could also be reading a book or playing a computer game instead of helping you out with the baby and the house. It would only mean he does not prefer doing work instead of embracing his addiction/pastime/passion/whatever. It's not the nature of this addiction that prevents him from doing household work (i.e. it is not "porn" that is keeping him from helping you) - it is the addiction itself. It could've easily been any other addiction.

blondie71079 wrote:

I understand that everyone is entitled to there opinion and choices. And so am I. And if you are sneaking looking at porn and I don't know about it, then he in a sense took my right to choose away from me. If I don't know how can I choose? And as I said bepre, there is much more to consider now. And I am even more angry because of that.

But why is he "sneaking" in the first place? It is because he loves and respects YOU. He CARES about your opinion and does not want to hurt you (and get hurt in return). However, he does not perceive porn as you do (i.e. he does not consider it cheating), plus he is addicted to it. It isn't easy to give up for him. The fact that you won't know if he did browse porn (one of the fundamental differences between porn and cocaine) makes it easier for him to continue his addiction.

I do not think he'll leave you for porn though. That is plain silly. He'll agree to never browse porn again if he does not turn this into a manly pride issue or something. In my opinion, you can confront him to your heart's content if you can't leave him right away as I recommended earlier.

0 Replies

Wow, I can't believe this thread is still going strong. It seems this porn thing is an epidemic in marriages. Alot of people are getting hurt and I feel for everyone who is going through this.
Montana (hi!), I agree that missgreen (or whatever her name was) was rather insulting, but I think she's young, unmarried, no kids, so she really doesn't understand what some of us are going through or have gone through. Although she didn't really have anything constructive to say, she is entitled to her opinions.
Here's the way I see it: if both partners are ok with porn, great, no problems there (missgreen would fall into this category : ). If one person is hurt by it, then for heavens sake don't do it, it's that simple. Don't hide it, don't sneak it, just stop. If one cannot stop then it may be time for addiction counselling.
Just to update my situation. Things are good. The extent of which he hurt me was hurtful to him. Like men who have posted here have suggested, he really didn't think it was that big of a deal and it didn't have any bearing on his love for me. It was just a quick and easy way to occassionally do his business. However it is a big deal for me because I like my job as the one and only sex goddess of the family, and if my man wants to see some skin he needs to look no further than this special lady who has devoted her life to him and this marriage.
We're now in a porn free marriage.

0 Replies

shmookiedoo wrote:

We're now in a porn free marriage.

Ohhh...wow, thats really great! Congrats, it seems that you are now very happy with each other!

Very Happy

0 Replies

Congrats Shmookie, i'm very happy to hear everything is working out.

0 Replies

Hey Shmookie
A big congrats to you. You sound happy and I'm glad everything worked out for you and that you honey was understanding enough to respect your feelings.
Now that's what I call love :-D

0 Replies

Your husband sounds like a lucky man. And I'm going to buy stock in Victoria's Secret.

0 Replies

hehe
Thanks all!

0 Replies

Related Topics

A good cry on the train - Discussion by Joe Nation

Wife not trusting, and wants all my passwords - Question by Pvtp

Why is he on this site? Am i over reacting? - Question by Mwonders16

I want to run away. I can't do this anymore. Help? - Question by unknownpersonuser

Please help, should I call CPS?? - Question by butterflyring

stuck in a tough position with this girl and no idea what to do - Question by mhen1111

I Don't Know What To Do or Think Anymore - Question by RunningInPlace

First time sex, some really quick questions - Question by van1van

Flirting? I Say Yes... - Question by LST1969

My wife constantly makes the same point. - Question by alwayscloudy

I don't know what to say to a girl I like - Question by becurse

Previous
1
2
3
4
5
...
10
11
12
Next

Read Discussion
Reply to All

Copyright © 2024 MadLab, LLC :: Terms of Service :: Privacy Policy :: Page generated in 0.06 seconds on 05/16/2024 at 01:33:27

▲ ▼