husband looking at porn

This is my opinion.

I look at it like this. As long as he's at home looking and not out there in the streets getting it elsewhere. Yes it can be hurtful. But I honestly think that your husband is doing it just for the variety. But if he knows how you feel about it, then he should respect your feelings.

But don't be too harsh on him, because it could've been worst.

And remember what don't kill you can only make you stronger.

Me too...
I am going through the same things as a lot of you. My boyfriend of four years has been looking at porn throughout our entire relationship. I'm aware of it, but he knows I don't like it. I've asked him to make sure that I'm not around - I don't like stumbling into the room to catch him. To be honest, it more than just bothers me. The thought of him looking at other naked women makes me sick. He has told me several times to not let it bother me, but like one of you said, I cannot help how I feel. Today, after finding a DVD, I did some searching on the net to see if I was crazy. Instead, I found a lot of people who feel the same way as I do. I don't want to feel this way. I would rather it didn't bother me, but it does.

When he got home today I brought the subject up, again. I told him that I have been trying to ignore how I feel, but I realize that I cannot. I hate how it makes me feel and can't stand the thought of this pain in my stomach for the rest of my life. He continues his stance that I am being unreasonable. I think this might be the end of our relationship. I feel absolutely horrible about it, but I feel like I have no other choice. If I could just make myself stop being hurt, I would.

I feel like I am losing either way.

If you can't stand it and he can't quit on porn, then you shoud split. I know that's sad but it's the truth. I guess that all relationships come to an end when you stop negociating, and that seems to be happening to you guys right now.

I have the same problem
My husband and I been together for six years, married two years. Our sex life dwindled down even before we got married. At first, I didn't think anything of it coz he was out of town a lot. But now I am realizing that he'd rather surf for porn and masturbate than have sex with me. We have a one year old son. The last time we had sex was more than eight months ago. He drinks atleast 6 pack of beer every night.
I just don't know what to do anymore. My self esteem has gone way below that I don't even care what I look like. I've tried many times to entice him, i.e. lingerie, oral sex. I have voiced my concern regarding this but he still comes up with an excuse about getting pregnant again, or he'll promise the next day, but it never happens. I have needs . . .

Maybe he's just not the right man for you, Moon Unit.

I'm confused
I have read almost all the posts regarding this subject. I have a boyfriend that masterbates and hides it from me. He tells me I shouldn't care and it's no big deal. I always feel like there something wrong with me. We still have sex, but I would love to do it more often. I'm always saying we don't have enough sex, but he says he's just to stressed to have sex. He says he never masterbates if there's an opportunity to have sex, but I don't trust this because we work and live together. I'm so confused on what I should think or feel.

You know....women are in this situation because we allow it. Women need to be more active on subjects that effect us mentally, and physically. Its a shame we tend to turn the other cheek. So many women have the attitude still to this day that its a mans world and all we can do is grin and bear it. Yeah we have gone far, thanks to the womens suffrage movement, but where has it gone? We are still treated as being inferior...and i'm not just talking about pay rates, discrimination in the job market...ect. We should demand to be respected, looked at as being people. Porn, strip clubs, erotic media is a matter of personal opinion. But i feel it does more damage to sociaties, and family values being so readily available, than if it wasn't. We have to quit allowing it to be exceptable. Men do not need it, and quite frankly it has nothing to do with someone's individuality. All it is, is an addiction. And big corporations make big bucks of someones inability to control themselves, to choose reality over fantasy.

I'm a guy and I have my theories on porn and masturbation which I'll post another time. I just want to agree with some things that have already been said and then add something...

Porn/masturbation does indeed give instant gratification and is definitely the easy option compared to making love with your partner (or dealing with the rejection if your timing was wrong!). It's inferior of course, but that doesn't usually matter if you haven't had sex for a few days and don't see any on the horizon either.

Bella Dea mentioned that masturbation can be done without porn. Well yes it can, but in my experience the fantasies tend to get weirder and weirder and also tend to involve other women I actually know. I think I might end up being unfaithful if I masturbated without porn regularly. It seems more likely, at least.

That's an interesting point, don't think I've seen it raised before in the many discussions we've had on the subject here.

I'd say to the last post, that if your fantasies end up coming to reality...then you truley have no respect to your spouse. You hear all the time, that if they didn't have it, then they would just go out and cheat....where is the self control? Scare tatics, is that what it is? If a man ever said that to me, who i was in a relationship with, i would say there is the door don't let it hit you on the way out.

escvelocity,

I didn't say my fantasies would end up being reality. I just said that I was concerned it might be more likely to happen. I'm more comfortable fantasising about some porn-related situation than about people I know, that's all. I don't know what you mean by "scare tactics" - I haven't and wouldn't make a threat like that.

You say porn isn't necessary. Well neither are cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, SUVs, and so on. Of course, it's bad when it's an addiction... when it gets in the way of normal life and destroys relationships. However, for the people with very little chance of having a real sexual relationship or for example offshore oil workers it probably does more good than harm.

It is highly addictive though, so there's no easy way to deal with it.

I completely agree with your views on this.

Welcome to A2K :-D

Fungi
I welcome you to A2K as well :-D

Just funnin with Montana.

Thank you for the welcome I dont want to get into a battle like that over porn. If you are single, you are just that. You don't have a partner to consider. i am not basing my argument on what applys to one applys to all. Yes ciggies are bad, lots of things are bad. Porn though, in relationships doesn't just affect the person viewing. Porn raises self esteem , trust , and respect issues in relationships. It angers me that they often get ignored, and treated like its no big deal. Women are forced to deal with it as a lesser evil verses a greater evil. Most women chose to stay in the situation because of everything else they have to lose, like family, and the part of their man they do love. Its just the whole idea that if a man doesn't have it he will cheat, its just sickening. How can you trust someone like that? I am not saying abolish porn either, but yeah i think more regulations are needed. Its too widespread, based on the fact that sex sells. Jeeze you cant even protect your own children from it....

Now I see what you mean, thanks for rephrasing it. You're saying that my comment ("If I don't have porn I might start fantasising too much about someone I know and I'm afraid it will lead to infidelity.) is a threat to all women to be quiet and put up with this. I didn't mean it that way. I just think that for someone (like me) who has used porn for many years, the idea of suddenly having no porn (but the same need to masturbate) would probably force me to think unclean thoughts about people I know, and I'd rather not, thank you. I wondered what other people thought about this, hence the post.

Now I'd just like to state the obvious, for the record... Relationship problems can lead to more masturbation (we are just animals after all) which for guys this will probably involve porn. The addictive nature of porn consumes energy that should really be going into the relationship. Relationship deteriorates further...

I feel like the odd man out here. After 29 years of marriage, if I was doing something that caused my wife the grief that this is causing Shmookiedo, I'd simply stop. Why on earth would I ever let a picture of a set of boobs jepordize my relationship/marriage with my wife. Many men like porn but it's not like it's a major food group. I can't recall anyone ever dying because of a porn deficeincy. We own and watch movies when the mood is right and I spank the monkey from time to time. Oddly enough, my fantacies seem to center around my wife not some other woman. If your partner askes you to give up porn, give up porn. It's not like quitting smoking or nor farting in the bath tub. If it is, see a counselor.

I feel like the odd man out here. After 29 years of marriage, if I was doing something that caused my wife the grief that this is causing Shmookiedo, I'd simply stop. Why on earth would I ever let a picture of a set of boobs jepordize my relationship/marriage with my wife. Many men like porn but it's not like it's a major food group. I can't recall anyone ever dying because of a porn deficeincy. We own and watch movies when the mood is right and I spank the monkey from time to time. Oddly enough, my fantacies seem to center around my wife not some other woman. If your partner askes you to give up porn, give up porn. It's not like quitting smoking or nor farting in the bath tub. If it is, see a counselor.

I feel like the odd man out here. After 29 years of marriage, if I was doing something that caused my wife the grief that this is causing Shmookiedo, I'd simply stop. Why on earth would I ever let a picture of a set of boobs jepordize my relationship/marriage with my wife. Many men like porn but it's not like it's a major food group. I can't recall anyone ever dying because of a porn deficeincy. We own and watch movies when the mood is right and I spank the monkey from time to time. Oddly enough, my fantacies seem to center around my wife not some other woman. If your partner askes you to give up porn, give up porn. It's not like quitting smoking or nor farting in the bath tub. If it is, see a counselor.

sorry to interrupt this thread, just wanted to say Hi to Morganwood!

Wow! glad to see you back!