MISCELLANEOUS JOKES

Subject: Go Fishing

A young guy from Texas moves to California and goes to a big department store looking for a job. The manager says, "Do you have any sales experience?"

The kid says, "Yeah, I was a salesman back home in Texas." Well, the boss liked the kid so he gave him the job. "You start tomorrow. I'll come down after we close and see how you did."

His first day on the job was rough but he got through it. After the store was locked up, the boss came down. "How many sales did you make today?"

The kid says, "One."

The boss says, "Just one? Our sales people average 20 or 30 sales a day. How much was the sale for?"

The kid says, "$101,237.64."

The boss says, "$101,237.64? What the hell did you sell?"

The Kid says, "First I sold him a small fish hook. Then I sold him a medium fish hook.

Then I sold him a larger fish hook.

Then I sold him a new fishing rod.

Then I asked him where he was going fishing and he said down at the coast, so I told him he was gonna need a boat, so we went down to the boat department and I sold him that twin engine Chris Craft.

Then he said he didn't think his Honda Civic would pull it, so I took him down to the automotive department and sold him that 4X4 Blazer."

The boss said, "A guy came in here to buy a fish hook and you sold him a boat and truck?"

The Kid says, "No, he came in here to buy a box of tampons for his wife and I said, 'Well, your weekend's shot, you might as well go fishing!!!?

A business man got on an elevator in an office building. Upon entering
the elevator, he noticed a blonde who was already inside, and she
greeted him by saying, "T-G-I-F". He smiled at her and replied
"S-H-I-T".

She looked at him, puzzled, and said, "T-G-I-F" again. He acknowledged her remark again by answering "S-H-I-T". The blonde was trying to be friendly, so she smiled her biggest smile and said as sweetly as possible, "T-G-I-F" another time.

The man smiled back to her and once again answered "S-H-I-T". The blonde finally decided to explain things, and this time she said,
"T-G-I-F" . .It means Thank God It's Friday . . . Get it, duuhhh???"

The man answered "S-H-I-T" . . . "Sorry, Honey, It's Thursday."

THE COW FROM MINSK

The only cow in a small town in Poland stopped giving milk. The people did some research and found that they could buy a cow from Moscow for 2,000 rubles, or one from Minsk for 1,000 rubles. Being frugal, they bought the cow from Minsk.

The cow was wonderful. It produced lots of milk all the time, and the people were amazed and very happy. They decided to acquire a bull to mate with the cow and produce more cows like it. Then they would never have to worry about the milk supply again.

They bought a bull and put it in the pasture with their beloved cow.
However, whenever the bull came close to the cow, the cow would move away. No matter what approach the bull tried, the cow would move away from the bull and he could not succeed in his quest.

The people were very upset and decided to ask the rabbi, who was very wise,
what to do. They told the rabbi what was happening. "Whenever the bull approaches our cow, she moves away. If he approaches from the back, she moves forward. When he approaches her from the front, she backs off. An approach from the side and she just walks away to the other side."

The rabbi thought about this for a minute and asked, "Did you buy this cow from Minsk?"

The people were dumbfounded, since they had never mentioned where they had gotten the cow. "You are truly a wise rabbi,"they said. "How did you know we got the cow from Minsk?"

The rabbi answered sadly, "My wife is from Minsk."

Subject: You've Gotta Love The Irish

You've gotta love the Irish


The Errand

McQuillan walked into a bar and ordered martini after martini, each time
removing the olives and placing them in a jar. When the jar was filled with
olives and all the drinks consumed, the Irishman started to leave.

"S' cuse me", said a customer, who was puzzled over what McQuillan had done,
what was that all about?"

"Nothin', said the Irishman, "me wife just sent me out for a jar of olives!"




The Lost Luggage

An Irishman arrived at J.F.K. Airport and wandered around the terminal with
tears streaming down his cheeks. An airline employee asked him if he was
already homesick.

"No," replied the Irishman. "I've lost all me luggage!"

"How'd that happen?"

"The cork fell out!" said the Irishman.



Water to wine

An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding
The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an
empty wine bottle on the floor of the car.

He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water," says the priest.

The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?"

The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!"



The Brothel

Two Irishmen were sitting in a pub having beer and watching the brothel
across the street. They saw a Baptist minister walk into the brothel, and
one of them said, "Aye, 'tis a shame to see a man of the cloth goin' bad."

Then they saw a Rabbi enter the brothel, and the other rishman said, "Aye,
tis a shame to see that the Jews are fallin' victim to temptation."

Then they saw a Catholic priest enter the brothel, and one of the Irishmen
said, "What a terrible pity...one of the girls must be quite ill."



Lost at Sea=

Two Irishmen, Patrick &Michael, were adrift in a lifeboat following a
dramatic escape from a burning freighter. While rummaging through the boat's
provisions, Patrick stumbled across an old lamp.

Secretly hoping that a genie would appear, he rubbed the lamp vigorously.

To the amazement of Patrick, a genie came forth. This particular genie,
however, stated that he could only deliver one wish, not the standard three.


Without giving much thought to the matter, Patrick blurted out, "Make the
entire ocean into Guinness Beer!"

The genie clapped his hands with a deafening crash, and immediately the
entire sea turned into the finest brew ever sampled by mortals.

Simultaneously, the genie vanished.

Only the gentle lapping of Guinness on the hull broke the stillness as the
two men considered their circumstances. Michael looked disgustedly at
Patrick whose wish had been granted.

After a long, tension-filled moment, he spoke:

"Nice going Patrick! Now we're going to have to pee in the boat!



The Fall

Murphy was staggering home with a pint of booze in his back pocket when he
slipped and fell heavily. Struggling to his feet, he felt something wet
running down his leg.

"Please Lord," he implored, "let it be blood!!



(And saving the best for last...) You've been drinking again

An Irishman had been drinking at a pub all night. The bartender finally said
that the bar was closing.So, the Irishman stood up to leave fell flat on his
face. He tried to stand one more time; same result. He figured he'll crawl
outside and get some fresh air and maybe that will sober him up.

Once outside, he stood up and fell on his face again. So he decided to crawl
the four blocks home. Again, he fell flat on his face. He crawled through
the door and into his bedroom.

When he reached his bed he tried one more time to stand up.This time he
managed to pull himself upright, but he quickly fell right into the bed and
is sound asleep as soon as his head hit the pillow.

He was awakened the next morning to his wife standing over him, shouting,
SO YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING AGAIN!"=

Putting on an innocent look, and intent on bluffing it out he said,"What
makes you say that?"=

"The pub just called; you left your wheelchair there again."

CINDERELLLA

Cinderella is now 95 years old. After a fulfilling life with the now
> prince, she happily sits upon her rocking chair, watching
>the
>world
> go by from her front porch, with a cat named Bob for companionship.
>
> One sunny afternoon out of nowhere, appeared the fairy godmother.
> Cinderella said, "Fairy Godmother, what are you doing here after all
> these years?"
>
> The fairy godmother replied, "Cinderella, you have lived an exemplary
> life since I last saw you. Is there anything for which your heart
>still
> yearns?"
> Cinderella was taken aback, overjoyed, and after some thoughtful
> consideration, she uttered her first wish: "The prince was wonderful
> but not much of an investor. I'm living hand to mouth on my
>disability
> checks, and I wish I were wealthy beyond comprehension."
> Instantly her rocking chair turned into solid gold.
>
> Cinderella said, "Ooh, thank you, Fairy Godmother."
> The fairy godmother replied "It is the least that I can do. What do
> you want for your second wish?"
> Cinderella looked down at her frail body, and said, "I wish I were
> young and full of the beauty and youth I once had." At once, her wish
> became reality, and her beautiful young visage returned.
> Cinderella felt stirrings inside of her that had been dormant for
> years.
>
> And then the fairy godmother spoke once more: "You have one more
> wish; what shall it be?"
> Cinderella looks over to the frightened cat in the corner and says,
> "I wish for you to transform Bob, my old cat, into a kind and
>handsome
> young man." Magically, Bob suddenly underwent so fundamental a
>change in
> his biological make-up that, when he stood before her, he was a man
> so beautiful the likes of him neither she nor the world had ever
>seen.
>
> The fairy godmother said, "Congratulations, Cinderella, enjoy your
> new life. With a blazing shock of bright blue electricity, the fairy
> godmother was gone as suddenly as she appeared.
>
> For a few eerie moments, Bob and Cinderella looked into each other's
> eyes. Cinderella sat, breathless, gazing at the most beautiful,
> stunningly
> perfect man she had ever seen.
>
> Then Bob walked over to Cinderella, who sat transfixed in her rocking
> chair, and held her close in his young muscular arms. He leaned in
> close, blowing her golden hair with his warm breath as he
> whispered...........................
>
> BET YOU'RE SORRY YOU NEUTERED ME.

tee hee - here's a blonde joke:

A blonde, a brunette, and a redhead had all just escaped from jail. they ran to a nearby barn and hid in brown fabric bags.

The police, however, saw them go in, and the lazy constable sent his new assistant up to the lofts to see if they were there.

The young officer yelled down, "There are three full bags. What should I do?" the constable responded, "Kick the bags, and see if they make a sound."

The officer kicked the first bag, the one the brunette was in. "Meow!", she said. "There's just a cat in this one," the officer yelled down.

He kicked the second bag, the one with the redhead in it, and she smartly responded with "Arf arf!" "Just a dog," the officer yelled down.

He kicked the last bag, the one containing the blonde, and no sound was made. He kicked it again, and a small voice said, "Potatoes!"

Did you hear the one about the blonde who burned her tongue making French toast?

no

>
> Subject: SPORTCASTERS UNCENSORED
>
> >Comments made by sports commentators that they surely would
> >like to take back:
> >
> >1. Weightlifting commentator at the Olympic Snatch and Jerk Event:
> >"This is Gregoriava from Bulgaria. I saw her snatch this morning
> >during her warm up and it was amazing."
> >
> >2. Ted Walsh - Horse Racing Commentator: "This is really a lovely
> >horse and I speak from personal experience since I once
> >mounted her mother."
> >
> >3. Grand Prix Race Announcer: "The lead car is absolutely, truly
> >unique, except for the one behind it which is exactly identical
> >to the one in front of the similar one in back."
> >
> >4. Greg Norman, Pro Golfer: "I owe a lot to my parents, especially
> >my mother and father."
> >
> >5. Ringside Boxing Analyst: "Sure there have been injuries and even
> >some deaths in boxing - but none of them really that serious."
> >
> >6. Baseball announcer: "If history repeats itself, I should think we
> >can expect the same thing again."
> >
> >7. Basketball analyst: "He dribbles a lot and the opposition doesn't
> >like it. In fact you can see it all over their faces."
> >
> >8. At a trophy ceremony BBC TV Boat Race 1988: "Ah, isn't that
> >nice, the wife of the Cambridge president is hugging the cox of the
> >Oxford crew."
> >
> >9. Metro Radio, College Football: "Julian Dicks is everywhere. It's
> >like they've got eleven Dicks on the field."
> >
> >10. US Open TV Commentator: "One of the reasons Arnie Palmer is
> >playing so well is that, before each final round, his wife takes
> >out his balls and kisses them....Oh my God, what have I just s

What Is A Cat?

1. Cats do what they want.

2. They rarely listen to you.

3. They're totally unpredictable.

4. When you want to play, they want to be alone.

5. When you want to be alone, they want to play.

6. They expect you to cater to their every whim.

7. They're moody.

8. They leave hair everywhere.

Conclusion They're tiny women in little fur coats.

__________________________________


Warning: Beer Contains Female Hormones
Yesterday, scientists for Health Canada suggested that men should take a look at their beer consumption, considering the results of a recent analysis that revealed the presence of female hormones in beer.
The theory is that drinking beer makes men turn into women.
To test the finding, 100 men were fed 6 pints of beer each. It was then observed that 100% of the men gained weight, talked excessively without making sense, became overly emotional, couldn't drive, failed to think rationally, argued over nothing, and refused to apologize when wrong.
No further testing is planned.

___________________________________

Ten Things Men Know About Women

1.)

2.)

3.)

4.)

5.)

6.)

7.)

8.)

9.)

10.) They have breasts.

lol

This morning on the Interstate,
I looked over to my
left and there was a
woman
in a brand new
Cadillac
doing 65 mph
with her
face up next to her
rear view mirror
putting on her eyeliner.

I looked away
for a couple seconds
and when I looked back she was

halfway over in my lane,
still working on that makeup.

As a man,
I don't scare easily.
But she scared me so much;
I dropped
my electric shaver,
which knocked
the donut
out of my other hand.
In all
the confusion of trying
to straighten out the car
using my knees against
the steering wheel,
it knocked
my cell phone
away from my ear
which fell

into the coffee
between my legs,
splashed,
and burned
Big Jim and theTwins,
ruined the damn phone,
soaked my trousers,
and disconnected an
important call.

Damn women drivers

IDIOTS IN SERVICE
This week, our phones went dead and I had to contact the telephone
repair people. They promised to be out between 8:00 a.m. and
7:00p.m. When I asked if they could give me a smaller time window, the
pleasant gentleman asked, "Would you like us to call you before we
come?" I replied that I didn't see how he would be able to do that since
our phones weren't working. He also requested that we report future
outages by email. (Does YOUR dial-up email work without a telephone line?).

IDIOTS AT WORK
I was signing the receipt for my credit card purchase when the clerk
noticed I had never signed my name on the back of the credit card. She
informed me that she could not complete the transaction unless the card
was signed. When I asked why, she explained that it was necessary to
compare the signature I had just signed on the receipt. So I signed the
credit card in front of her. She carefully compared the signature to the
one I had just signed on the receipt. As luck would have it, they
matched.

IDIOTS IN THE NEIGHBORHOOD
I live in a semi-rural area. We recently had a new neighbor call the
local township administrative office to request the removal of the Deer
Crossing sign on our road. The reason: too many deer were being hit by
cars and she didn't want them to cross there anymore.

IDIOTS IN FOOD SERVICE
My daughter went to a local Taco Bell and ordered a taco She asked the
person behind the counter for "minimal lettuce." He said he was sorry,
but they only had iceberg.

IDIOT SIGHTING #1
I was at the airport, checking in at the gate when an airport employee
asked, "Has anyone put anything in your baggage without your knowledge?"
To which I replied, 'If it was without my knowledge, how would I know?"
She smiled knowingly and nodded, "That's why we ask."


IDIOT SIGHTING #2
The stoplight on the corner buzzes when it's safe to cross the street. I
was crossing with a coworker of mine when she asked if I knew what the
buzzer was for I explained that it signals blind people when the light
is red. Appalled, she responded, "What on earth are blind people doing
driving?"


IDIOT SIGHTING #3
At a good-bye luncheon for an old and dear coworker who is leaving the
company due to "downsizing," our manager commented cheerfully, "This is
fun. We should do this more often." Not a word was spoken. We all just
looked at each other with that deer-in-the-headlights stare.

IDIOT SIGHTING #4
I work with an individual who plugged her power strip back into itself
and for the life of her couldn't understand why her system would not
turn on.


IDIOT SIGHTING #5
When my husband and I arrived at an automobile dealership to pick up our
car, we were told the keys had been locked in it. We went to the service
department and found a mechanic working feverishly to unlock the
driver's side door. As I watched from the passenger side, I
instinctively tried the door handle and discovered that it was unlocked.
"Hey," I announced to the technician, "it's open!" To which he replied,
"I know - I already got that side."

Now don't you feel better about yourself...?

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------
I GUESS THESE ARE THE DARWIN AWARDS FOR 2004
Nominee No. 1: [San Jose Mercury News]: An unidentified man, using a
shotgun like a club to break a former girlfriend's windshield, accidentally
shot himself to death when the gun discharged, blowing a hole in his gut.

Nominee No. 2: [Kalamazoo Gazette]: James Burns, 34, (a mechanic) of Alamo,
MI, was killed in March as he was trying to repair what police describe as
a "farm-type truck." Burns got a friend to drive the truck on a highway
while Burns hung underneath so that he could ascertain the source of a
troubling noise. Burns' clothes caught on something, however, and the other
man found Burns "wrapped in the drive shaft!"

Nominee No. 3: [Hickory Daily Record]: Ken Charles Barger, 47, accidentally
shot himself to death in December in Newton, NC. Awakening to the sound of
a ringing telephone beside his bed, he reached for the phone but grabbed
instead a Smith & Wesson 38 Special, which discharged when he drew it to
his ear.

Nominee No. 4: [UPI, Toronto]: Police said a lawyer demonstrating the
safety of windows in a downtown Toronto skyscraper crashed through a pane
with his shoulder and plunged 24 floors to his death. A police spokesman
said Garry Hoy, 39, fell into the courtyard of the Toronto Dominion Bank
Tower early Friday evening as he was explaining the strength of the
building's windows to visiting law students. Hoy previously has conducted
demonstrations of window strength according to police reports. Peter
Lawson, managing partner of the firm Holden Day! Wilson, told the Toronto
Sun newspaper that Hoy was "one of the best and brightest" members of the
200-man association.

Nominee No. 5: [Bloomberg News Service]: A terrible diet and a room with no
ventilation are being blamed for the death of a man who was killed by his
own gas emissions. There was no mark on his body, and an autopsy showed
large amounts of methane gas in his system. His diet had consisted
primarily of beans and cabbage (and a couple of other things). It was just
the right combination of foods. It appears that the man died in his sleep
from breathing the poisonous cloud that was hanging over his bed. Had he
been outside or had his windows been opened, it wouldn't have been fatal.
But the man was shut up in his nearly-airtight bedroom. According to the
article, "He was a big man with a huge capacity for creating "this deadly
gas." Three of the rescuers got sick, and one was hospitalized.

Nominee No. 6: [The News of the Weird]: Michael Anderson Godwin made News
of the Weird posthumously. He had spent several years awaiting South
Carolina's electric chair on a murder conviction before having his sentence
reduced to life in prison. While sitting on a metal toilet in his cell
attempting to fix his small TV set, he bit into a wire and was
electrocuted.

Nominee No. 7: [The Indianapolis Star]: A cigarette lighter may have
triggered a fatal explosion in Dunkirk, IN. A Jay County man, using a
cigarette lighter to check the barrel of a muzzle loader, was killed Monday
night when the weapon discharged in his face, sheriff's investigators said.
Gregory David Pryor, 19, died in his parents' rural Dunkirk home at about
11:30 PM. Investigators said Pryor was cleaning a 54-caliber muzzle-loader
that had not been firing properly. He was using the lighter to look into
the barrel ! when the gunpowder ignited.

Nominee No. 8: [Reuters, Mississauga, Ontario]: A man cleaning a bird
feeder on the balcony of his condominium apartment in this Toronto suburb
slipped and fell 23 stories to his death. Stefan Macko, 55, was standing on
a wheeled chair when the accident occurred, said Inspector D'Arcy Honer of
the Peel Regional Police. "It appears that the chair moved, and he went
over the balcony," Honer said.

Finally, THE WINNER!!!: [Arkansas Democrat Gazette]: Two local men were
injured when their pickup truck left the road and struck a tree near Cotton
Patch on State Highway 38 early Monday. Woodruff County deputy Dovey Snyder
reported the accident shortly after midnight Monday. Thurston Poole, 33, of
Des Arc, and Billy Ray Wallis, 38, of Little Rock, were returning to Des
Arc after a frog gigging trip On an overcast Sunday night, Poole's pickup
truck headlights malfunctioned. The two men concluded that the headlight
fuse on the older-model truck had burned out. As a replacement fuse was not
available, Wallis noticed that the .22 caliber bullet from his pistol fit
perfectly into the fuse box next to the steering-wheel column. Upon
inserting the bullet the headlights again began to operate properly, and
the two men proceeded on eastbound toward the White River Bridge. After
traveling approximately 20 miles, and just before crossing the river, the
bullet apparently overheated, discharged, and struck Poole in the
testicles. The vehicle swerved sharply right, exiting the pavement, and
striking a tree. Poole suffered only minor cuts and abrasions from the
accident, but will require extensive surgery to repair the damage to his
testicles, which will never operate as intended. Wallis sustained a broken
clavicle and was treated and released. "Thank God we weren't on that bridge
when Thurston shot his balls off, or we might both be dead," stated Wallis.
"I've been a trooper for 10 years in this part of the world, but this is a
first for me. I can't believe that those two would admit how this accident
happened," said Snyder. Upon being notified of the wreck, Lavinia (Poole's
wife) asked how many frogs the boys had caught and did anyone get them from
the truck??? (Though Poole and Wallis did not die as a result of their
misadventure as normally required by Darwin Award Official Rules, it can be
argued that Poole DID, in fact, effectively remove himself from the gene
pool.

CRUISE
The following was recovered from the diary of a young beautiful lady after taking a week-long cruise.


MONDAY: Dear Diary: What a wonderful cruise this is going to be!
I felt singularly honored this evening. The Captain personally asked me to dine at his table. Great food and lively conversation.

TUESDAY: Dear Diary: I spent the entire afternoon on the bridge with the Captain. It was a very interesting place to be, but I didn't understand all the technical instruments.

WEDNESDAY: Dear Diary: This evening the Captain made proposals to me unbecoming an officer and a gentleman. While he is an attractive man, I'm not that type of a lady.

THURSDAY: Dear Diary: Tonight the Captain threatened to sink the ship if I do not give in to his indecent proposals!

FRIDAY: Dear Diary: This afternoon I saved 1,600 lives. Twice.

For Tetsuo!


What's the difference between a violin and a viola?
There is no difference. The violin just looks smaller because the violinist's head is so much bigger.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a violin and a fiddle?
A fiddle is fun to listen to.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why are viola jokes so short?
So violinists can understand them.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How do you tell the difference between a violinist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

How many second violinists does it take to change a light bulb?
None. They can't get up that high!
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

String players' motto: "It's better to be sharp than out of tune."
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why is a violinist like a SCUD missile?
Both are offensive and inaccurate.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why don't viola players suffer from piles (hæmorrhoids)?
Because all the assholes are in the first violin section.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

What's the difference between a fiddle and a violin?
No-one minds if you spill beer on a fiddle.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why do violinists put a cloth between their chin and their instrument?
Violins don't have spit valves.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Why should you never try to drive a roof nail with a violin?
You might bend the nail.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

LOL !

Subject: Psychic Dog or Senile Elderly Lady?
An elderly lady phoned her telephone company to report that her telephone failed to ring when her friends called -- and that on the few occasions when it did ring, her pet dog always moaned right before the phone rang. The telephone repairman proceeded to the scene, curious to see this psychic dog or senile elderly lady.

He climbed a nearby telephone pole, hooked in his test set, and dialed the subscriber's house. The phone didn't ring right away, but then the dog moaned loudly and the telephone began to ring.

Climbing down from the pole, the telephone repairman found:

1. The dog was tied to the telephone system's ground wire via a steel chain and collar.
2. The wire connection to the ground rod was loose.
3. The dog was receiving 90 volts of signaling current when the phone number was called.
4. After a couple of such jolts, the dog would start moaning and then urinate on himself and the ground.
5. The wet ground would complete the circuit, thus causing the phone to ring.


Which demonstrates that some problems CAN be fixed by pissing and moaning.

Zeke and Zeb decided to build a Bungee Jumping tower in Cabo San Lucas, Mexico to see if it would make them some money. After they got it set up they noticed that the crowds gathered around, but nobody was buying tickets.

Zeke said to Zeb, "Maybe you should demonstrate it to them so they get the idea." After Zeb was strapped on, he jumped and fell almost to the ground before springing back.

As he came back up, Zeke noticed that his clothes were torn and wondered what that was all about.

Zeb went down again and this time when he came back up, Zeke noticed that he was bleeding. Zeke thought, "Wow, what's going on here."

Zeb went down a third time and this time when he came back up, Zeke noticed that he had blood, contusions and cuts all over his body.

Zeke pulled Zeb in and said, "Zeb, what happened?"

Zeb groaned, "I don't know..... what's a pinata??

A salesman from KFC walked up to the Pope and offers him a million dollars if he would change "The Lord's Prayer" from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken." The Pope refused his offer.
Two weeks later, the man offered the pope 10 million dollars to change it from "give us this day our daily bread" to "give us this day our daily chicken" and again the Pope refused the man's generous offer. Another week later, the man offered the Pope 20 million dollars and finally the Pope accepted. The following day, the Pope said to all his officials, "I have some good news and some bad news. 'The good news is, that we have just received a check for 20 million dollars. The bad news is, we lost the Wonder Bread account!'''