This might be a good time for a Geography ritual.
Do you live in Texas?
No. Grandmother lives in Texas. And my mommie won't let me.
Do you live in Washington, D.C.?
No. So&So lives in Washington, D.C. And my mommie won't let me.
Do you live in California?
No. And my mommie won't let me.
For a Hunk o'Muscle kid, Little Mo. is really pushing his verbal limits to let you know what's going on.
Yes indeed he is, which is probably why I'm so concerned. He's trying to tell me something and I'm trying to listen without being paranoid that everything he says is somehow signifigant.
Legal custody is a wonderful thing because it does allow us to bide our time.
Biding our time is not such a wonderful thing because it means we need to make nice with the bio-families.
Right now, all of them support our custody and are aware of our plans to try to adopt. One little hiccup is all it will take to make things very, very complicated though.
And yeah, in a way it becomes a "blame game" in that I am hoping that by learning more and having some confirmation of my suspicions I can lay down some serious ground rules. Like it or not, "doctor's orders" carries some weight.
And today the paternal grandparents popped back up wanting a visit.
<sigh>
And I'm learning that writing a brief biography of Mo and his life is a complicated endevor.
<sigh>
Oh my what a day I am having today...
Mo spent the afternoon with his great aunt yesterday - she is one of his favorite people - really the only one from his bio family who takes a real interest in him.
When I told him that she was going to come over to take him to the airplane museum he just kept saying "I don't want to go."
I called her and warned her of his mood and said that if he kept in this frame of mind that perhaps she could just hang out with us for the afternoon. When she got here he was all excited to go so off they went.
When he got home it was just like after his mom's visit - he wouldn't look at her, he hid behind me, "Mommy, mommy, I home!"
Today, he won't even get dressed to play in the yard. He isn't talking - he's screetching himself horse. If I'm more than 5 feet away for more than 5 minutes he's furious. I picked a little lint piece off his eyebrow and he cried and cried because it hurt so bad. And on and on and on and on.....
<sigh>
His doctor appointment is scheduled for tomorrow....
... just when my freak-out was calming down and I was thinking maybe he isn't acting so abnormal after all.......
On a better note - his paternal grandparents came by the other day and he told them how much he hated Winnie.
Well, oddly enough, this might be - if not good - good timing, re talking with his physician.
sozlet does that "it huurrrrts!" thing when a) she has emotional stuff going on (feels like crying but can't quite articulate why) or b) when she's sick.
Either way (if it's either of those), the doc is just the thing.
This stuff rarely seems to be linear -- it comes, it goes, it gradually tapers off, right when you think it's done with it rears up again.
My overall impression is that for whatever reason -- age, his sense of security and trust with you, recent experiences with bio-family, combination thereof -- he's dealing with stuff now that was there and needed to be dealt with, and as challenging as it no doubt is for you, I think that's a good thing.
Telling his grandparents that he hates Winnie would fit with that. (Go Mo!)
Good luck, tomorrow and in general.
And - if his bio-mother DID say some damned scary thing - his reaction may make perfect sense.
Grrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!
((((((((((((((((((((((Boomer))))))))))))))))))))
An interesting little twist today.....
Bath time is our yak time and tonight Mo asks me "Who is Abuela?" (Back in the olden days, before I was "Mom" I was "Abuela". Most of Mo's bio-family still call me Abuela around him.)
I said: I'm Abuela
He said: No. You're mommy.
I said: Well.... I'm mommy and I'm abuela.
He said: No. You're mommy.
This went a few rounds of me trying to explain with no result....
I said: You're right. I'm mommy.
Then he was satisfied.
Maybe nothing.....
Maybe something.
The doctor visit went really well today. Mo is as healthy as a very healthy horse!
We talked a lot about Mo's current behavior and she agreed that he seemed to be trying to process something, to deal with something. She felt that many of the things we were seeing were atypical of a normal four year old but considering Mo's history being anything but typical that he was doing really well.
She did refer us to a psychotherapist.
I just need to pick up the phone and make an appointment.....
.... and I will, once my palms stop sweating.....
Dlowan?
If you're still reading it would be wonderful to know what to expect.....
Er - well, I think everyone is different in how things run.
But, basically, I'd expect to sit down and have a chat!
I think you're right.
I called today to make the appointment. I am meeting with them alone for the first one and then we'll see where it goes from there.
Apparently they don't see many kids as young as Mo so they want to be sure that there is something to work on before they see if he is ready to work with them.
I understand what you mean about everyone being different in how they do things - I'm sure that's true with different patients as well!
I guess I'm really more curious about the benefit of psychotherapy for one as young as Mo. After talking to them today, I get the feeling that it might be more about them teaching me how to help him than to help him directly themselves.
Well - personally, I would not be offering HIM individual work - but mebbe talking with all of you a bit re his history with you - if there was stuff it would be good for him to hear - and encouraging him to talk if he wanted to, about how he feels - but mainly supporting you guys in your job as parents to him.
The work is mainly gonna be through your relationship with him - but hey - wait and see.
Our work is so attachment focused now, where I am, it may be different where you go.
Some four year olds, by the way, DO have their own stuff that they want to talk about - it is almost like they bring little attache cases with notes and bring them out!
Or - they may say: "My god! How did you ever help him to be doing so well! Wanna run a group for us?"
Ack!
Thanks, dlowan. What I heard on the phone today sounds very much like what you're saying.
Boomer--
Congratulations on making that appointment.
Remember, taking one formal theraputic hour out of Mo's week, leaves six days and 23 common garden hours in which he's learning and growing and wrapping himself around your heart.
You're not in therapy for Absolute Answers--just insights, short-cuts and pep talks--and for the big megaphone labeled: The Doctor Says....
Hold your dominion.
Hi Noddy!
How was your trip? I hope you had a wonderful time.
Insights, short-cuts and pep talks are all I ask for - stress on the insights. I think it will be good for all of us and in this case, there is a lot of ALL in US.
Yep, yep.
It all looks good, but speaking of ALL, I'm especially a fan of that megaphone.
May I learn to wield the megaphone with tact and diplomacy and authority and loudness.
The weather here has been so beautiful - throw open your doors beautiful. That means our back fence friends have been out. Every other afternoon or so Mo and I go there or they come here. The kids play and we moms enjoy some adult conversation.
Back fence mom used to run parenting programs for "at risk" families. She has testified in court many times as an advocate for children. She told me that when we get to the adoption stage (!) that the fact we took the inititive to help Mo sort things out early on will speak well of us and our committment to his well being.
The good reasons are piling up enough to prop up my dominion.
Mo wandered in while I was talking to the triage nurse setting up the appointment. We were talking about "The Father". Mo has spent the last few days insiting I'm his father!
We have received puzzled looks from everyone. I'm just waiting for someone to ask me to recommend a good surgeon....
Hee hee! :-)
(Can you send some of that weather our way? We've got a fresh dusting of snow, which was infinitely more charming circa December...)
(That's so cool about back fence mom! Makes a lot of sense.)
