pretty positive i'm being blown off

<fingers in ears> Lalalalalalalalalalalalala........



Sheesh.

Laughed so hard I scared my cat!

Eva does have such a wonderful way about her, doesn't she?

re
i'm glad everyone finds it so funny. Guess i'll just have to realize that he's not that into me anymore...if he was, he'd be calling. He is supposed to call tonight, but i know he wont. I'm kind of upset because i feel like this could have been avoided if i'd been more patient...i just kept feeling neglected and forgotten.

Class writes:



This observation shows some insight. Now, you have to act on that insight. Obviously smothering a recent acquaintance with your insecurities is not going to help a relationship develop. Stopping clinging is easy to say--harder to do.

You'll have to turn yourself into another person, a proud, independent woman who doesn't cling and whine and who is much to busy to feel neglected and forgotten.

re
yeah i guess...i just feel like its too late now for him...i know he's just blowing me off...i think he is just telling me what i want to hear so i would get off the phone

He might be, he might not be. If he isn't -- if he actually is interested in talking to you -- your attitude will get him there soon enough.

If he is, learn from it, as Noddy says, and move on.

re
if someone says, oh i thought we were broken up after our last conversation because i'm not the kind of boyfriend you are looking for, isnt this a bad sign? I am just confused as to what he's thinking...and i havent heard from him since friday...he's supposed to call tonight, but i'm doubtful. i jsut dont get why he'd assume we're broken up if we really never had a conversation about it. He told me he doenst think he's fulfilling my needs, but i said he was. I think he just wants nothing to do with me, but is afriad to tell me..

It's a sign that YOU are giving out confusing signals. You think you're confused about what he's thinking... that poor guy!

From what you relayed here, his assumption was extremely reasonable.

You've said here over and over that he's NOT fulfilling your needs. Whether you've said it in so many words to him or not, I'm sure it's abundantly obvious to him.

Again, if he's not at the point wanting nothing to do with you yet, your attitude will get him there soon... change your attitude, gain some maturity, have a straight conversation with him (start with phone calls), or MOVE ON.

re
so when i talked to him friday he said he'd call me today. I sent him a text on friday night saying, i know you cant really be a boyfriend, but i'd still like to see you. No response. At this point i'd say i should let the ball be in his court right? I feel like i shouldnt call him unless he calls me first?

-sigh-

"I know you can't really be a boyfriend"?

"I know you can't really be a boyfriend"???

class, you've already broken up with him. That you don't seem to even realize it takes this to ever-greater depths of cluelessness.

At this point, the "ball in his court" stuff doesn't apply. You've broken up with him. Via text messaging, yet. I'm sure he's confused, and I'm not sure if he'll ever call back. You've already broken the tentative "we're dating" contract. You know he can't really be a boyfriend. How did you think he'd take that??

re
but i didnt break up with him! that's the whole point, i want to still talk to him and see him, i dont know what happened. If he's breaking up with me, FINE< but i wish he'd jsut tell me so i wouldnt be left hanging.

class, did you send him these words:

"I know you can't really be a boyfriend"

?

If so, you broke up with him, whether that was your intention or not.

If it was NOT your intention, call him and prepare to do a lot of apologizing.

re
i wrote that because he was the one telling me that he cant be the kind of boyfriend i want....so i was basically tryign to tell him, look, i know you cant be a real boyfriend right now, but i still want to see you.

If you're telling him he can't be a real boyfriend, and that's OK, you're saying "we're breaking up but let's still be friends."

If that's not what you mean, get on the phone and explain, stat.

re
i guess i'm afraid to call because i feel like i've been the one initiatiting all the contact lately. When i spoke to him friday he said he'd call me today...i guess if i havent heard from him by wed. night...maybe i'll call. he knows how i feel about him though, he knows i like him. HE's the one who is telling me he cant give me what i want...

He KNEW -- past tense -- before you said that he can't be a real boyfriend.

-sighing again-

class, what it seems to me is that you are doing everything you can to sabotage the relationship, and for some reason he's infinitely patient and keeps coming back even after the varieties of sabotage, and so you keep doing it more and more overtly so he has virtually no choice but to be the one to "officially" end it to save his sanity. Then you get to say, see, I knew it, I was right, he never liked me! He broke up with me! He was just using me for sex! All men are dogs!

Take some responsibility, class!

re
so i guess the main question is...should i just move on and not expect him to call? I really want to try to work things out but i also dont want to be throwing myself at him and making a fool out of myself. I figure if he wants to he will contact me.

<throws up hands>

re
seriously...should i call him mid week if he doesnt call me tonight like he said he would? Or should i jsut assume that it is really over and he wants nothign to do with me?