pretty positive i'm being blown off

Who said that, class? NOT contact him whatsoever?

1.) Don't tell him about your pregnancy worries. No point. GET TESTED. If you're pregnant, go from there. If you're not, you're not.

2.) DON'T PLAY STUPID GAMES.

3.) Talk to him about how often you would like to talk to him on the phone, and see if you can come to an agreement. If 2 times a week isn't enough for you, what is? What's wrong with you calling him? How often would he be OK with you calling him?

Set some parameters, and then STICK TO THEM.

Look, this guy is either a casual date or the father of your child.

Before you contact him, find out whether or not you are pregnant.

Does he think you were using birth control?

re
well i guess after thsi past weekend i'm wondering if i should just wait for him to contact me. Like i said, i dont think i should have to remind him that i exist. I am curious to see how long he will take to call (if he calls again) if i dont contact him at all....

class, I'm fighting the urge to reach through the screen, grab you by the shoulders, and give you a li'l shake...

PLEASE get tested, ASAP. Go from there. It's really not complicated.

As for the rest, you shouldn't have to remind him that you exist. He shouldn't have to call you all the time after he specifically told you he wouldn't be able to. You need to figure out a happy medium, but at this point in your relationship (and whatever it is, it's a relationship), it's silly to just sit by the phone and wait. Call HIM, establish something your comfortable with, and if that's impossible, move on.

But first, remove any doubt that you're pregnant.

I have to ask, since I'm usually out of date, but is this 'text messaging' really the way to contact someone on a personal matter?

re
i dont know, i wish i had never heard of text messaging..i wish i didnt even have a cell phone! i am afraid to do the test. It's been a very long time since i've done one of those....i cant even imagine buying one at the drugstore!

like i said i'm just going to let him contact me if he does at all. I've chased him enough.

I'm a little late here but as to your thread title...I'm a bit puzzled....usually when I'm getting blown off I'm 100% sure of it...oh wait a minute...you meant brushed off...context Steve, context....'scuse...

re
well the reason i'm unsure is because we'll go 3 days without talking, then usually i'll send a text of some sorts. He'll then end up calling. Also about a week ago he told me he thinks we're casually dating. So that isnt really a brush off, but at this point he doenst seem overly interested in me either the way he did before.

Do you mind sharing how old the two of you are? Is he away at school and tied up with studies?

I'm not trying to pry, just trying to get a bigger picture.

re
i'm 26, he's 31. I'm sure i sound immature...but i just dont know what to make of this situation...he says we're casually dating, but we barely speak...i havent talked to him since sunday...is that a bit odd? I think it is. To me it doesnt seem like there is anything going, but it's confusing to me since when we're together we have a great time...now i guess i'm out of sight, out of mind. I just like him so much...i cant stop thinking about him ):

Get tested.

Work out the phone thing.

Go from there.

Class, please answer this direct question -- when he said he wouldn't be able to call you much, did you think he was lying? Did you think he meant 5 days a week instead of 7? I don't understand how you can be so upset about this when he specifically warned you it was going to happen.

re
you're right. He did tell me he couldnt call me everyday...i guess i just expected more than once a week. And when we do speak it always feels so formal. When we first met he'd say things like, i miss you. He hasnt been saying those things ever since he went back to where he lives. it just seems like thigns have changed for the worse. he tells me i worry too much. Clearly i am much more attached to him than he is to me. I just wish i knew exactly what he was thinking.

It's not clear at all, class. He has mentioned at least once that when he was talking to you he was with people (the text message exchange), and you mentioned he has a roommate --maybe it's just harder for him to switch gears when he's in the middle of something or people can overhear him.

Figure out the phone thing. Go from there.

Well, after you get the pregnancy test.

There are things you can DO instead of this endless worry spiral. Do them.

re
thanks...i know i'm being negative and worrying too much, but when i like someone i just want to talk to them...i feel like he and are thinking totally different things of each other...i almost feel like a booty call he takes to nice places and has hang out with his parents. he always says he knows that i'm sensitive...i really think he is just afraid to tell me how he feels for fear of hurting me. So his way of dealing with it is just not calling me

re
just one last question. There is a part of me that wants to send him a text saying, hi, hope all is well. But deep down i know that i should let him contact me and i should NOT contact him first.

Do you think it would be an awful idea for me to send him a text?

YES!


That's a yes it is an awful idea not a yes I think you should send a message.

Class, I was kind of disappointed to hear you're 26. Sozobe has been So Patient with you here, I think she deserves a medal. From your posts I would have guessed you were under 20.

I don't mean to hurt you, Class, because I can completely understand your feelings. YOUR FEELINGS are what need to change here. If you change your feelings, you will not only feel better about this relationship, but about others you may have in the future.

Have you read any books on Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or Rational Emotive Therapy? These techniques can get you out of your thinking rut pretty quickly, and of course they're free from your local library. Check Albert Ellis as an author, if you look them up. He's the "founder" of these techniques.

You may think you CAN'T change your needy feelings, that they're just sort of built-in, and there's nothing you can do about them. You CAN change them, if you WANT to.

Don't call him or text him, sweetie, just don't. Work on yourself, so YOU can be happier. Don't you ever envy those women who don't worry as much as you do? Don't you want to be free of all this misery? Don't you want to see yourself as a strong woman, more like an Amazon than a simpering girl?

Please help yourself. This guy, or any guy, is NOT what you need. Best of luck to you, dear. I hope great strength and courage is what your future holds.

Well I'm going to say it:

Twenty six years old...and not using birth control, tut tut!

DO what BorisKitten said.

Good advice kitten.

re
well BEFORE i read the advice i did something dumb...i texted him. I said, just wanted to say hi, hope you're doing well. That was over 2 hrs ago and he didnt write back. Clearly he wants nothing to do with me. I have obviously freaked him out which is what i thought all along. I mean i hadnt had contact with him since sunday, it's friday now, i didnt think texting 4/5 days later was a big deal, apparently it is. I need to forget him i guess.