pretty positive i'm being blown off

No... you need to change your behavior. You scared him away. You need to realize that you are the reason for his behavior. Until you change your behavior this is going to continue happening again and again and again. Take BorisKittens advice and change your behavior so that you can make yourself happy instead of worrying whether or not some guy is going to text you back.

Hi class,

I'm sorry this has happened but I agree it would do you a lot of good to work on your feelings about yourself. When you posted your age you mentioned sounding immature. I don't think you're immature nearly as much as insecure. When people don't have strong positive feelings about themselves their negative self-image has a way a boiling out by needing constant reinforcement that everything is alright. Unfortunately the reinforcement you need to feel secure ends up being the very thing that can sometimes push people away.

My guess is that's what has happened with your boyfriend. He tried to tell you he was creating some space from you. He didn't say he didn't want to have any more contact with you and you still don't know whether or not he does. Just because he didn't get back to you in two hours might simply mean that he has other things on his plate. Regardless, he hasn't contacted you since Sunday and he lives hundreds of miles away. I think you need to move on because it's obvious this isn't the type of relationship you are looking for.

BorisKitten has some wonderful suggestions. Until you can feel better about yourself and get a handle on the need for finding happiness from someone other than yourself you will unfortunately, in my opinion, continue to push people away by the very act of trying to keep them close.

I hope you take a look at some of the books BK suggested. They can't hurt, right?

re
yeah i am just feeling foolish. I dont know what he's thinking, i guess that's part of the problem. I feel that he is annoyed with me and is thinking i'm nuts for what i did last saturday and on a few other occasions i've expressed my insecurities. he told me that he doesnt like to have to constantly reassure people...perhaps i turned him off for once and all with my behavior last saturday. but when i talked to him on sunday he seemed fine, we really didnt discuss it. I just wish he would tell me what is on his mind...i just seem to be out of sight, out of mind. It's easy to tell me to move on, but if you were in my shoes and felt the way i did it would be hard. I just cant stop thinking about him.

i want to change my behavior so this doenst happen again...i just dont know how to change it. I do see a therapist, i take medication...but nothing is taking away how i feel for this guy.

Of course it's hard. You're hanging on waiting for someone else to tell you everything is alright, or that it isn't. I agree that it would have been nicer if he'd been upfront with you and said your relationship was over, if he thinks it is, but what you need to do is to stop waiting.

Live and learn from this. There will be other boyfriends. In the meantime work on your self esteem issues with your therapist or additionally by checking out some of the BMT books BorisKitten suggested. You can't look to other people to bring you happiness, that must come from inside you. Once you have it, it's much easier to share it with others.

I hope things start looking up for you soon.

re
i know you cant look for others to bring you happiness. I had happiness before i met him, but i guess he's made me unhappy now. If people never depended a little on others for happiness then breaking or ending things wouldn be hard

Re: re


Actually, Class, nobody really knows what anybody else is thinking, EVER. Even in a wonderful marriage, there are times when one spouse thinks, "What the heck is he/she thinking?" Fact is, they'll probably never know.



Nobody does, unless they're really messed up. Then you wouldn't want them anyway.



Get them books.

Thanks, jpin & JB, I feel warm and happy all over....

re
well he called me on saturday-i didnt call back. then he called me again yesterday...so then i did call back. We had a normal conversation at first, then i basically said i wasnt calling him anymore because i felt as though i was annoying him and bothering him. he was like, oh ok, so that's how it's going to be. I basically expressed everything that i've been saying here. He said, well you seem to have been saying from the start that you felt like you were bothering me so obviously you dont really know my personality. He said, i cant tell that this isnt your ideal relationship, i feel like i'm always upsetting you/disappointing you. I just said it was hard because not only do i not see him, but we barely talk. I told him i dont want to cause further problems in his life, he said i'm not at all, but it would take some pressure off him to not have to worry about me being upset. It's nice to know that i'm not annoying him, but i guess i still dont know what he's really thinking. He mentioned more than once that he didnt think i was happy and maybe should find someone who can fulfill my needs. I take this as a sign that he's not interested if he's telling me i should find someone else. But then he's saying things like he wants to see me this weekend...he told me he doesnt think it's meaningless when we have sex. He said we can talk more this weekend about things....

DON'T HAVE SEX WITH HIM!!!!!!!!!!!

re
May i ask why? at this point i dont think it makes a huge difference.

If I were already feeling vulnerable and unsure of myself with a man, having sex with him would magnify that. I guess if I didn't mind being more miserable and/or hurt it wouldn't matter.

Re: re


Because you would be repeating the same pattern over again.

Next weekend you will write:

"We had a great time. We had sex. I texted him now he won't call me back. I don't think he is interested. What should I do? Should I text him again? I ignored all your advice and texted him again and he still hasn't called me back. I don't think he likes me."

That is because he would have gotten what he wanted... sex.

He now controls your imagination and your well-being. You want to give him your body, too?

class, have you even figured out whether or not you're pregnant? I think you need to make a decision about how you feel about this guy because what he's looking for is casual, no strings attached, sex. You, from what you've said, are looking for a relationship. They aren't the same thing. I have to agree with jp. Jumping into bed with him is not a good choice.

Class, I get the impression you're not really listening to us. Can you go back and read all our responses on this thread?

I, for one, have nothing to say that I haven't already said.

BorisKitten - sozobe and several other posters have been marvellously patient over several threads with class241 on this same issue. Props to you to be willing to give it a try here as well.

re
well i guess i'll be getting my brains f*cked out this weekend. I"m honestly sick of peopel telling me i'm just getting used by him

Well, I hope you enjoy it.

Enjoy.

re
I will, I always do

See you Monday morning... I'll bring the kleenex.