pretty positive i'm being blown off

Re: re


Interesting read you're getting on this, class. Because my impression has always been the converse.

That Beth sure has a way with words.

class, every time you post what he has to say it strikes me as the sanest, friendliest thing he could say in the circumstances.



Where is he wrong, there? All of your posts have been how this isn't your ideal relationship and you are always getting upset and being disappointed.



Or it's a sign that he's noticed you're not happy and maybe you should find someone who can fulfill your needs! Because, you know, you're not happy and your needs aren't being met. You want to talk on the phone more than he can/ will. You want all these other things -- which change and contradict each other -- and none of his earnest attempts to provide them to you will do.



The only thing you DO seem to listen to, out of all the advice given on this and evidently other boards, is the version where you are the victim. You aren't.

Re: re


Sorry class, but this isn't the message we've been trying to send. I don't think he's using you I think you each have a different definition of what you're looking for from each other. That doesn't mean you're being used, it simply means that he isn't able to provide you with a relationship that will give you what you want which is exactly what he's been saying to you and what you've been saying to us.

Enjoy your weekend, use protection.

Class, you might want to check out this thread:

http://www.able2know.com/forums/viewtopic.php?t=44756

re
well i pretty much give up. We had the conversation sunday, we seemed to have a better understanding of each other. He said we could talk about things more this weekend, he want to see me, possibly tonight and he'd come down here and take me out to dinner. He said he'd call tues or wed (last night). He didnt call. I even sent a text last night at 9 asking, r u around this weekend? No response. I dont get him...i really dont. FINE if he wants something casual, but i cant handle people who say they'll do something, then dont follow through.

o___o

CALM DOWN CLASS.

I've read all 7 pages, and my head is spinning. This is what I heard you say: "You said you'd call me why didn't you call me you said you'd call me why didn't you call me well he called me once but it wasn't a good conversation but he didn't say what I wanted him to but I want him to call more why doesn't he call me I called him and he didn't talk much he bored me he confuses me why didn't he call why didn't he call every waking hour of every waking day...."

*phew*

You're obsessing. A "casual" relationship DOES NOT mean "connected at the hip." You are not HIM, you do not run his life and you need to quit being so freakishly obsessed over what he does. Maybe that's why he doesn't call? Perhaps he thinks, "If I call her, she'll get mad at again..."
Would you want to date someone that got angry if your phone call was -late-? If your call was "boring"? SERIOUSLY, it is cruel and unusual to be angry at him for not *sounding* compassionate or romantic or lovey-dovey enough for you. Romance cannot be forced, it must come naturally. Besides.. "casual relationship" does not even mean "serious relationship". If you were married, -that- is when I'd expect him to be more doting of you. Right now, he is under no obligation to behave like something he is not.

Stop trying to change him, stop ASSUMING EVERYTHING that he has never told you. You know how to find out if he wants to be with you or not? QUIT making the assumptions and ASK him. Chances are -very- high that he knows, and NOT YOU.


It's truly irritating when people freak out over everything, and highly confusing to your sig other, I'm sure. If anyone's sending mixed messages, it's YOU. "Call me call me FINE I don't need you I'm done with you I can't take this please call me I need you to call me..." You're sending obsessive/worrying/moody comments back. One minute you need him, and the next minute you're throwing him away for not calling on a particular day?

Unless you want to date a nonresponsive, quiet pet, don't complain over these things. Quit the compulsive, obsessive worrying. Quit making assumptions about how HE feels, cause believe me, you have NO idea.

I speak from experience... I drove away someone by doing this, and nearly did a second time (if he didn't have so much patience with me -swoon-). I've learned a lot about my previous behaviour, and I've never done it again


If he irritates you too much, leave him. You two clearly do not have the same needs for each other; you do not match well.

To each his own. Go take a motion to change things, and get rid of him if you can't put up with all the things he apparently does. I don't think there's much else anyone here at the forums can say...


I apologise if I came across as being too mean, but I have a blunt way of speaking to people... if you want the truth, I'll give it as I see it >_>

re
i know i tend to obsess over things. i guess what i dont get the most is that the first month we met he called pretty much everyday...now it's not like that anymore. When i talked to him sunday he said i shouldnt thikn for a 2nd that he doesnt want to talk to me, but he's just probably busy doing other things. He said he does want to talk to me and see me. We were supposed to see each other this weekend...but i havent really heard from him. He sent me a text yesterday saying, hi, just leaving vermont, i'll call you later. TO me later meant last night, but he didnt call. If you are trying to make plans for THIS weekend and it's now friday and the plans arent made yet, isnt this odd? I just wrote back to him, cool, just let me know what you plan to do. Havent heard from him. I would like to see him, that is my first priority, if he is leaving to go home and cant see me, then fine, but he should tell me and not leave me hanging...

class.

class.

He warned you he wouldn't be able to call you as much after that first month. OK?

If you have one shred of maturity, settle the calling question with him. How often is OK. How often is not OK.

If the two of you cannot come to an agreement about that, break it off.

Period.

Please respond to this in some way that shows you are listening, at all.

re
i know...but if someone wanted to make plans for the weekend one would think they'd call before friday. I feel like he really just doenst want to hang out.

Sigh.

I just got an email from a friend asking for relationship advice. She said she met a guy who instead of calling her, invites her to call him. "Hey, if you need any help [with something she's doing] or just want to go out for dinner, give me a call." She's the one holding the "call" cards. She's not quite sure what she thinks about it. I think it's a really interesting inversion.

How 'bout if you try that. He doesn't call you, you call him. AND BE REASONABLE ABOUT IT. Not all the time. Ball in your court.

But before you do anything else, resolve the calling situation.

(She so doesn't listen to me, does she? Oh well.)

This thread is 7 pages of great advice mixed with one very mixed up lady who is not listening to that advice at all.

I'm sure it helps to vent, and read what other people have written, but I have to say that from what I read the majority have taken the time to given warm, helpful, and HONEST advice. Have you noticed that, Class241?

I'm 20. I've never been in the situation you are in. I hope that I never am, but (God forbid) it happens I know where to come for advice. Hopefully able2know has archives so that people don't have to repeat themselves anymore thant they already have.

sozobe, BorisKitten, etc. - let me say thank you for the wonderful advice. I have a friend in a similar situation and we've told her the same things essentially, but she hasn't been listening. Maybe if I point her in the direction of this thread she'll catch on. I hope so.

Can't really say much else. Not that'd really get heard anyway, but you guys've said it all.

How nice! Welcome to A2K, and I sure hope this is helpful to your friend.

re
ok i think i'm pretty much done with this guy. I just talk to him, i guess he got stuck up at his parents lakehouse and wont have a ride home until sunday so we cant hang out this weekend. THen he's like, but i'll be around all next week, wont that be great? I was like, yeah. Then he ends up saying, i thought after our conversation last week we were broken up. I said, what? he was like, well i thought we were saying how i'm not the type of boyfriend that you want, i'm not your average joe boyfriend, i dont fulfill your needs. i am just pissed at this point. Why would we have made plans if we were broken up? the conversation ended fine, he was even like, well this was a good conversation. Now today he is saying that he's not what i want. I said, cant i be the judge of that? he said, yes. I said, do i fulfill your needs, he said yes. I dont get it, what is his deal?? I feel like he is either a) trying to get me to break up with him or b) testing me to see what i'll put up with> if he wants out of this he has to be up front and honest and jsut tell me!

Isn't it ironic that this entire thing is about the frequency of conversations between two people when one of them obviously doesn't hear anything that is said?

re
what am i not hearing? he is being a jerk

class, just break up with him.

You two do not understand each other, and since you're so set in your ways about this whole mess, you two never will.

break up with him.

break up with him.

He obviously IS right, he ISN'T the boyfriend you need and are looking for. You cannot change who he is, relationships don't work that way You cannot make him behave like someone he is not

He will never make you happy, your standards are too high for him.

break up with him.

be happier

bless you Aurora, we've tried. Fresh attempts are always welcome

lol, thank you

Believe you me, I have seen others trying... all I can do is say what I must, regardless

Wow! i come back and this thing is 8 pages long...

Re: re


Class, you are not hearing anything we, here on A2K, are saying.

I've said this so many times, Class. Please go back and read this thread and your last one on the same "he never calls me" subject. I mean, read the things we have replied to you, not the things you've said to us. Please.

Thanks, everyone, for noticing that Sozobe & I have tried to help. I'm really glad it might be of help to someone who actually might be listening.