'The thing about affairs is that there's just so much lying, deceit, betrayal, unhappiness, pain, hurt, shame, guilt, and so on and so forth.'
No there isn't. There is someone on the other end who makes person to be unhappy, neglected and thus looking for someone else. Those people are all for status 'I am married' and nothing else. They don't give back. But in case of divorce they want it all. Yes, they are wonderful partners. NOT!
Men (most) wouldn't look for an affair if they are happy at home.
Too much trouble.
And A LOT of them don't until some eyes meet and firework explodes!
How old are you and what have you lived trough?