Calling all mistresses (and men too)

Yesssss! More than once. However who listens?
They never think we are capable of changing things around.

I'm happily divorced and have been since before the affair started, so no, I have not discussed this with my ex husband.

You may go and join the perfect husband thread now.

I will stay here and support those of us in a less than perfect world.

That was not the scenario I was addressing.
I meant the case where you are in a relationship and you just met someone new that you are attracted to.

That is the time to have that talk.

Nor was I suggesting that the outcome must be staying in the relationship.
I think the possible outcomes are far more numerous (and many better) than you imagine.

Then what was all that claptrap about 'the pain of secrecy' and having to hide things?

If you're talking, there are no secrets. Unless you're talking lies.

You're not in this situation and I am not looking for advice. My guy's relationship with his other woman is his problem not mine.

You don't understand and you never will. And that's fine.

No it's not the time to talk.
It could be a sec fling!

And you know this how?


Just here to offer your own?

And with you too I'd guess.


And you're clairvoyant too - Lucky you!

Another happy man wondered into strange woman's life.
Can you, men, be more pathetic than that?
WHY aren't you in forum where boys are playing?
Why here with us joining girl talk about love?
Learning something?

See answer to Tiger81

Please stop harassing us. Your opinion has been stated. Move on from us.

Let him stay. He obviously have nowhere to go.

The problem is you don't have the right to someone else's mate. No matter how unhappy you think they are and how happy you think you make them. They are not yours and your integrity should let you understand that. It's like get your own man or woman and leave mine alone

I didn't get him. He got me. And the longer the more...
So I am just a weak woman in love who fell pray for
someone I can't resist. I am never making a move - he does.
So I am just following. I am submissive and you keep your
man happy so he wouldn't slide to the side.
If my was happy in his home - he would never slide.
It is 2 people fault. Don't you think so?
If I was happy - I would stay strong!
But are you without a sin?
The truth please.

Well I am not quite *THERE* yet but here is my effed up story so far...
My husband and I have been having a pretty bad marriage for a number of years.. about once a week we have this amazing hour or two together where we are best friends and it is always pretty good when we are together with the kids ...otherwise he usually makes me feel horrible in so many ways.. even emotionally abusive.. he has severe mood swings etc.. so I started flirting with with this guy who is working on our house and he innocently made some comments back that it was a mutual attraction.. so I ( because I am starved for attention I guess ) messaged him something really naughty and that sparked the fire.. within two days I was kissing him in my house. We did not have sex. He left. He is a married father. I feel a lot of guilt but we also did spend most of the time talking and I can tell that there is a big void missing in his life too... It would be nice to have a friend to be close with and intimate with temporarily without disrupting either of our lives. THe guy is religious and not forward at all.. he only responds when I say something so if it goes further it will be up to me.. I don't think I can do it though unless he makes a move. I feel like I am such a crappy person but the excitement and having the company is so essential

I've been through a crappy marriage and it sucks! The best thing I ever did was leave, it was not only better for me but also for my kids.

I never cheated on my ex husband but to be honest, I most likely would have if my college fling (who is not my affair partner) and I had reconnected while I was still married.

I don't think you are a crappy person for wanting to feel a connection with someone.

I learn that in the last few years. I'm married now, I was a saint all my life, I'm mean religiously saint. I came out of law school I got married and everything seems to be perfect. One day which I don't remember which one, the reality strikes. I asked myself a simple did I live life? My answer was NO! I watch my twenties pass me by, because I was this good guy. I was like now I'm thirties and I never have fun in life.
I always have thing for older woman, I'm a black good looking educated guy. Older white woman about 50's always tell me that I'm a good looking guy and I'm taking good care of myself. Most people don't have an idea how hot are woman at 50's these days, you can't say no to them. I started to flirt with them as well . Some are married and some are not. I met this gorgeous 56 years old lady and first time I set my eyes on her, I said to myself I got to have her. When our eyes met she winked and me, I smile and greet her back. We're seeing each other now and it's great. I really want to live life before I die, the unfortunate part it happened when I'm married. Thanks to my open minded and understanding wife. She doesn't know that I'm doing it, but we have such a topic one day, that as we progressed in our marriage these will come she might see a man she likes and I might see a woman I like as well. The conclusion was let's be as discreet as we can, she let be believe that you're this perfect husband and I said the same.
People who are not married doesn't understand what married couples discuss in their. You might catch your friends wife or husband cheating and you run to tell them but you get surprised as to why they don't divorce because couples discuss such issues.
Now, I want to have a little fun before I get old and I can't do it anymore.
P.S I care less about the saints as long as e and my wife agree.

I've been seeing a MM for about six months now. What started as casual sex has now turned into a full on love affair. When I met him I was at a dreadfully low point in my life. I was just ending a horrible abusive relationship of 10 years I was lonely, insecure, and lost. Until I met him. He was beautiful, charming, and made me feel alive again. He gives me motivation to be a better person and pushes me everyday to build my self esteem and be a stronger more successful woman. I love sex and so does he. I've been able to explore and discover new things I like sexually. I'm very open and he of course loves it and tells me I'm the girl of his dreams. He is not like any man I've ever been with. So kind sweet and gentle. He's perfect! All except for the part that' he's married! We work in the same job site and he used to commute 1.5 hours everyday to work making it 3 hours daily. Well since meeting me he no longer commutes he tells his wife he is renting a room with some of the guys from the job site and he stays at my house from Sunday night until Friday night. And we live our lives like his wife does not exist. He's very careful about not getting caught he has two phones and goes above and beyond to ensure he doesn't get caught. I love him and he loves me. He talks of the future and wants me to make a solid plan, budget, how much we will save, will we move, (fix details of our potential life) he wants to make sure if he leaves he is making the correct decision and can guarantee that we will live the same life he currently has with his wife financially but just with me. However while this fantasy sounds so wonderful and he says how I'm so perfect for him and he doesn't want to loose me and will regret it if he stays with his wife. I do not see him ever actually leaving his wife. He still loves her and I know he does. Every night while he's at my house I have to leave the room for 45 minutes so he can talk to her. She believes he's a perfect angel! I've expressed my fear that he will never actually leave and I don't want to waste my life on a man that will never actually be mine. And his response to me is that I should just enjoy the ride and love every minute we are together and see where the road takes us. Well I'm at a point where yes while I do get to have him almost all week I still don't get to fully call him mine. They take vacations and holidays together and I'm stuck alone. It's lonely and not as fulfilling as it was in the beginning it's gotten so personal it's no longer just thrilling sex. This is a committed relationship with a man I have to share. And as much as I find him a wonderful person I am only 24 years old and don't want to waste my life in a fake reality. my family knows him and love and adore him. But no one knows he's married they believe he's freshly divorced. They think he's the best thing to happen to me. They just don't know the full truth. And as much as I want to end it the minute I even considered it. I see him and he touches me and melts my heart and changes my mind! I'm so in love with this man! What do I do?! I'm so confused!!! Help!!! Sorry for long lost!

wow, that sounds like a very difficult situation. Does he have kids? Since he's with you 5 nights a week, does he pay part of your bills?

Why do you have to leave the room so he can talk to her?

Sorry for all the questions, I'm just here to support you.

Ditto. Thanks for posting this Tiger81.

Ours is the best relationship I have ever had in my life. It's NOT just sex. We have deep discussions about everything and anything. He helps me and supports my new healthy lifestyle. He is honestly my best friend.

I can't breathe without him and will never give up what we have.

I am 49 and he is 48. Affair has been going on for 1 year. Neither one of us can fathom our lives without each other in them.